Hi all,

I haven't been wearing my ring since D-day, had put it away. I'm having a hard time getting over all the betrayal. I feel like giving up here, but I also feel stuck.

I put the ring in his hand today told him "here is a token of all your lies and adultery."

I also put the family vacation papers in his hand that we had to miss out on because of his adultery, drugs, and being in the hospital. I had to reschedule the date, but I don't think I could go on that vacation even in the future because it would be too much of a reminder of what he did and why we missed it the first time.

I took all engagement and marriage pictures off of the walls today.

I don't think I can ever trust him again.

This is just too difficult.

I really can't give myself to him in any emotionally healthy way, because I would only be acting it through and I won't be a fake. When I hugged him a few times, there was no feeling of love left in my heart for him, it was just a blah hug, but I tried it anyway. When I used to hug him I used to feel something, now I don't.

I don't like the way I feel about him right now. I almost hate him for what he has done to us.

I am having rough day!



Lady

Please read back over ark's post to you...

She says it all....

I'm sorry that you have to go through this and feel the way you do...

(((ladysheep)))

I am so sorry you are having a rough day!

I don't have any great wisdom to share with you. I am quickly trying to recall the details of your situation.

I know you have posted that your WH has seemed repentant, is going to counseling, and doing his bible studies. Is that still true?

LS - I don't want to try to diminish your WH's actions in anyway. Adultry is a horrible thing for a couple to try to recover from. I ended up divorced from my WxH becuase he was not at all interested in doing any of the hard work of recovery. For a year he claimed that he never loved me - OW was is soul mate - God must have intended for them to be together - all sorts of awful things. Even when his R with the OW finally ended, he made a half hearted attempt at a R with me - but he continued to "date" other women. As he put it - he had to keep his options open just in case it didn't work out with me!

Anyway, my point is this - so many WS's won't go to counseling, won't do a bible study - and make it quite clear that they are not interested in recovery. Your H at least shows signs of remorse.

I will continue to lift you up in prayer. Adultry is one of the worst traumas we will ever have to endure.

Mimi, I'll try to find Ark's post to me and read it again.

Thanks for the hug peachy.

Womanoffaith5- For the 4 years of our marriage my H was doing all of these things when he cheated on me. He was going to bible study, church, 12-step groups, and still ended up lying to me, keeping secrets and cheating on me. The only thing added now is MC. MC told us to pray together, I don't want to pray with him, because I don't trust him. It would be like me having a bible study with Judas as far as I'm concerned. I don't want to worship with him for the same reason. MC told my H he wanted him to tell the truth for 30 days straight, I guess he feels that my H's lying has been a habit that he needs to change and that is true. Our MC told my H last session "Don't decieve me!!" The MC had a very angry look in his eyes when he told my H that. I was shocked. You can see deception very easily with my H, my MC only seen him that one time so far, and seen it all over him. That is what I have to sleep next to every night, and deal with every day. I don't like having conversation with him because of it, because even his words cannot be trusted.

Lady

After my H came home from the hospital, after D-day all he thought of was getting his credit cards together. I have only used the credit cards (in his name) 3 times in our marriage, and by POJA. What did he think, I was going to take off with them. I couldn't do that to anyone, let alone my husband. But he was doing it to "protect" himself, and he got an added $5,000.00 credit card at that point took some of the other credit cards out of my purse and stopped them (we didn't owe money on them anyway). We are free from any debt, but he only thought of himself, see what I mean? He could leave easily, and get a replacement.
We are his 3rd family. I can't do that because I have to think about the children, birds, dog, a roof over our heads, food etc... He never protected us, never cared about how we would make it.

Just months prior we were crying, praying to God and begging his DD27 to leave her husband who was cheating, doing drugs etc.. for years. 4 Children hurt, with no dad. He now sits in jail. She finally left and is living with mom. My H was never there for that DD either, he did the same thing to her mother and her when DD was 2 yrs old. Now he does the same thing to us!!

Just months prior I was praying, crying because my DD20 was in a bad relationship with a guy who relapsed, went back on drugs, and she was having a difficult time leaving him. She finally did. We were relieved. She has no children thankfully. My H turned and did the same thing to us.


His 2nd marriage he did the same thing, committed adultery, when DD was 2yrs old, she is now 16. He was never there for her except in CS.

Is that going to be the fate of my DS3?

I thought he could never do that to me. He's a good christian guy now!!

Now you see why I am so angry. I could walk away, and it would be another child without a dad. I can't bear the thought of that. I can't stand what he has done to me and another child.... AGAIN! He would only think about himself... as always...and he probably would find another "replacement". He really is a selfish man.



Lady

I also slapped my H across the face today. I was really angry, and have never done that before today. I told him that is nothing compared to what he has done to me.

I know I'm gonna hear it here.....so I'm ready.

Lady

Why can't you give yourself the wonderful counsel that you are providing for HURTING?

lady,

I wish I knew what to say to you. I am so sorry things are not doing good for you today.

I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better. Just know I am here for you like you are for me.

Keep praying and loving in your savior and you will make it through this. Thats what I keep telling myself. And I believe it will work given the right time.

I can't say I know how you feel because my WH is not in my home to deal with nor has he done this before. Please take care of yourself and your children.

Hurting

Thankyou Hurting, please pray for us. I don't know where to go from here.....the pain is just toooo much today and I don't know why.

Love, Lady

Lady,

You are in my prayers every night. never doubt that.

I myself have been having a rough day emotions askin gmyself a lot of questions but have no answers to them.

I guess we all go through those days. I pray for you tomorrow will be better....

Hurting

Lady
I am not really familiar with your situation. It sounds like we have 2 of the same kinda WH's. Mine deserted his son before he was born then married another women a year or two later. Didn't have anything to do with his son until he was 5. Left his first wife after 2 years moved in with other women. Lasted 2 years 2 years after his split with ow 1 I met him. he seemed like a good gut with his stuff together. I had been really burned in my first marriage was very careful with dating. We dated for 6 months then moved in with the understanding that it was a perm. situation. He wanted to marry after 1 year but i held off for another 4 years brfore i married him. Well married 2 years DD2 was born things fell apart after DD2 second birthday. He walked out and never looked back. Deserted another family. He has his vists but hasn't paid child support for 2 months.

So see I can relate to what you are going through. I understand your pain and I am with you. But mine hasn't come back or expressed any remorse. He just continues to hurt me. I am all for tryng to save your marriage but in order to do that the road needs to go both ways. He needs to understand the anger and the pain the only thing close to it is illeagel to inflict on another human.(hooking his testicals to a car battery might compare) but you on the other hand need to let got of some of the anger. Personally I work out and it helps or I write in my journal. It helps and I come here to vent.

I am really sorry for what you are going through right now and I wish that I had the power to make it all go away but I can't I can only let you know you are not alone. I send you a (((hug)))