|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 148
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 148 |
I just exposed over the weekend, my husband comes back from his bussiness trip Friday. I told him everyone knows. He knows I have exposed to some but I am not sure if he knows I told his office.
My question is what do I do if he decides to leave, What do I say?
M 26
H 28
married 7 almost 8 years
child 1 6 yrs old
DD day 3 Sept 05
PLan A 21 Sept 05
tryingtogetit
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Just let him know that you are not the warden, and can't keep him around if he decides to go.
Stay in Plan A, with no LB's. Just continue like a broken record saying you will do whatever it takes to try to save the marriage.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981 |
Let him know, the reason you were exposing is that you were saving your marriage. Do not appologize.
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 148
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 148 |
If he leaves do I cut off all contact with him, except to tell him to call me when he has stopped talking to her completely.
tryingtogetit
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981 |
Dun,
It wouldn't be a good idea to cut off all contact with him if you have not done the carrot part of Plan A.
The only way Plan B works is if you have completed Plan A successfully and given w/s a chance to see the new improved you, one that has worked to eliminate the lovebusters, and improve themselves, making themselves as attractive to the w/s as possible.
Have you done this????
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981 |
Some of the more experienced posters will be able to offer you suggestions to help your situation.
Hang in there, you are on the right track.
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 148
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 148 |
Yes I have given him the chance to see the new and improved me. However it has only been about 3 weeks, and there were a couple like 3 relapse love busters.
The changes he needed me to make were kissing him when I came in the door from work, calling him during the day and telling him I loved, giving him a big hug and kiss after he returned from a long trip... How do I do this if he is mad or not living with me anymore?
tryingtogetit
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981 |
Hang in there, I'm sure Melody, Ark, Bob, the wonderings or Pep will have some sage advice for you. I'm still a newbie. I think I have exhausted my small data base of knowledge. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
duncad, kds is giving you great advice. Just keep doing your Plan A and look for ways to meet his needs. He won't be mad forever about your exposure. Just be sure and don't let him bait you into a fight.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 748
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 748 |
duncad,
it always amazes me how furious a WS will be about exposure initially...and then how quickly they come crawling back. Read up more on plan A. I suggest the link in my signature. You will have more opportunity to impement this.
The tsunami of exposure was an excellent move. Now that the field is cleared and plowed, you can plant the seeds of Plan A. Continue, dear one, continue...
Me BS 44
XH 45
M 20 years
D19
D12
DDay 11.29.04
Separated 12.29.04
Plan A 24.02.05
Plan B 10.9.05
Plan D 2.2.06
Divorce 13.6.06
OW - former friend and D12's x-godmother (Skunkypoo)
OWH - philander, XH's former best friend (still shares skunkypoo with XH)
Anger = drinking a rat poison and waiting/wishing the rat would notice you drink it and the rat die from it.
Redhat
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
431
guests, and
99
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,039
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
