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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4 |
My wife and I have been married 6 years, and have 2 children (4 and 6). I made a mistake and cheated on her before we were married. (but we were engaged and had 1 child). She found out just after we were married about me cheating. I lied and she believed me. Now she hears about it again, and not wanting to lie anymore, I told her the truth. I told her how sorry I am and that It has not happened since. It was a 1 time thing and I wish it never happened. Now she wants a divorce. Our relationship was fine until now. I just wanted this to stay in the past and forget about it. I did not want to hurt her in any way. Does it matter that we werent married? Is there anything I can do. She refuses MC. She says she will never forget what I did and cant live with me because of it. Please Help!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
What was the reason why it came up?
L.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575 |
please tell me you havent suggested it shouldn't count as much because you weren't married to her.....she will likely kill ya if you go there....
what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,033
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Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,033 |
Tools for The Wayward Spouse Here is some information that can help you and your wife.
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,088
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,088 |
Obviously TRUST is a big need emotional need for your wife. There was a breaking of the trust with the cheating. Then there was a breaking of the trust with the lying.
What is it you were finally honest about? Was it that you had a child or what?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
rfvd, she may calm down eventually, but let me explain why this is much worse than your garden variety cheating. See, you got her to marry you by lying to her. You tricked her. You married her under false pretenses by withholding the truth about yourself. She had a right to choose whether she wanted to be married to you or not and you denied facts she needed to make an informed decision.
I know how she feels because I was similarly defrauded by my current H. Our marriage ended up working out, but had I known the truth, I WOULD NOT HAVE MARRIED HIM. But he denied me that RIGHT. I am a GROWN, FREE woman and he denied me that right by lying to me for his own selfish reasons.
So, not only did you defraud her, but you lied to her for 6 years. Now she is questioning everything, most of all wondering how in the world she can ever trust you. Six years of lies is tough to forgive and saying "sorry" isn't going to make it go away.
Perhaps you can salvage this, but please understand that this not only "counts" but it is MUCH WORSE than you seem to think. Can you send her to us and let us talk to her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Ok, u asked for help and some have responded.
How r u doing?
L.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4 |
well everything is still about the same as of now.I appreciate all the advice. I will update a little later. thanks
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