(Don't know how to pull a quote over, but wanted to respond to the previous replies-)

Thanks, Confused.
I have really wondered if WH is bi-polar and have mentioned
this to him. My IC has said his behaviors do seem to "fit"
this disorder. Unfortunately, all his treatment has always
centered on the diagnosis of depression, so may be going about it totally wrong and have been on the wrong type of
meds also. I have suggested that he really needs to go have a full psych eval to determine exactly what issues he has
and how to best treat them, but he has wanted no part of
that. He has been willing to try meds (has tried 7-8 AD's
and also adult ADD meds) but is very resistant to doing
therapy/counseling. Mostly of his own doing, but WH does
not have much of a support system- it's just been me since
we've been married. He does not make or maintain friends very well, and isn't close to his family.
I am fortunate in that I live in my hometown, and have lots of friends around me, as well as my parents. Am also close
to my sister (who is a psychologist) although she lives out of state.

Peachy- What an ordeal you had with XH. I really think your
input about OW is right on and have decided I will not speak to WH's GF again. I really felt sad and bad for her
at first, feeling like she "innocently" got herself into the situation, but don't think she is as innocent as she tried to let on. I also wonder if the pregnancy was a ploy
to try to push WH into their relationship and away from me.
Hard to believe WH was happy and excited about a baby when he didn't want any in our M and very sincerely seems to detest babies and little kids. Would also be pretty stupid
on her part to have unprotected sex, both for birth control and STD purposes ! (so guess she isn't as smart as she says)

Milk- I've felt bad for your situation, and now find my
going really downhill also. Hope you are hanging in there okay this week ? Seems like you are finding your strength.

Daisy- Thanks for the support. Our H's have been very similar in some of their behaviors, but hope yours is being more honest than mine and not carryin on with a OW.
I've realized talking to WH isn't going to help and will
probably just make me more upset, so may just write a Plan
B letter, even if I don't give it to him, and intend to go
dark. WH is going to have to realize he can't rely on me
as his "back up" plan in case it doesn't work out with OW
and must realize there's consequences for his actions.
I'm not going to talk to OW any more either. Realized she
is definitely "out for herself" and don't want her to have
any more info on me, WH, our M, or anything else she might
try to use to her benefit. I don't have Caller ID, but am
going to have it turned on so I can not take calls from either of them !

Realtor- I think you're exactly right about the OP- no reason for me to trust her or her motives when she's seeing a married man. The Plan B/dark is my next move.

Slammed

I hope you are taking care of yourself. The more I think about your situation the more WH sounds bipolar. I use to work in the mental health field, bipolars are fun, very charaismatic, intelligent, charming,generous...when they begin to cycle up. Off meds behaviors become inappropriate with poor impulse control...and then the cycle down is just brutle. Of course each person is different a the rate and intesity of cycle varies.

I think you really need to remove yourself from his chaos. Bipolar depression is a brain chemistry thing. On appropriate meds that are monitored and controlled people can lead normal productive lives. Look at Albert Einstein he made out ok. The sad part is med compliance is poor...because when they are on meds they feel fine. So they don't think they need them. This has to be his choice. I think you need to go dark and let him crash and burn so he can get properly evaluated.

Keep posting.
You are in my thoughts and prayers

Slammed1,

I can't imagine what you must be going through - having the OW call you - eeieewww!

At least you have a fuller picture of what your WS has been doing. Not knowing the truth can be torture sometimes. I never found out the full truth about my stbxh's dirty secrets - I just knew that they existed.

I'm not sure what else to tell you besides what everyone else has posted. I also think it might do you some good to stay dark and to take care of yourself.

Hang in there.

~svb

Slammed,

I have been busy and too hurt and emotional at times and did not really log in.

I am impressed by your strength, Slammed. I know you are hurt and sad and scared and angry, but you are much calmer than I have been in my own situation or I would be if I were in your situation.

You are probably feeling the same way as I am - how did all this mess happen? What did I get myself into? What about all of his nice words and everything in the past?

But our WH's are broken. I really think my H is broken mentally and emotionally. It is very clear that your H is deeply broken as well.

We tried. We tried to take the pain, tried to continue to save our M, we tried to have hope. But when people are THIS broken, they really need help themselves and there is nothing we can do.

Please do not talk to your H or OW. Do you have a caller ID on your phone? I have been screening my calls, and except for two calls that I accidentally answered (they were both in my office - my office phone does not have a caller ID), I haven't answered any of H's calls, which helps. You should go dark as well.

Your H has way too many mental issues that unless he really address them, he will never be happy with anyone. Maybe it is good that you found out about OW now rather than later.

Thanks for concerning about me. Take care of yourself and big hugs to you.

Milk

MS:

I often see where you make self depreciating comments about yourself, or mention that you are not one of "the wise one's"...when offerring other people a ((( )))) or support in just saying "I know how you feel"...You are alot more "wiser" and need to stop and give yourself WAY more credit than you do.

You are "getting it"...you can and WILL survive. What you say above is what so many people struggle with....you'll make it through this struggle also.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks much to everyone for the support, thoughts and
ideas ! My day has been very up and down.

The down has primarily been having so much new information to "digest". Even though I strongly suspected that WH had
been with someone on his summer trips and might be living or at least involved with someone, knowing it for sure still hurts more. In a small way though, I guess it's good to know the truth, and it's enabled me to put "two" and "two" together in regards to some questions.

I've also had moments of feeling a tiny bit of hope,
knowing that the A seems to already be on "thin ice".
I expect that WH is probably pretty angry with OW for calling me, although, of course, he was mad at me for talking to her and "exposing".

I've also felt foolish about talking to OW. I wish I had said less about WH, myself, my feelings, our M, etc.
I have started to question and doubt some of the things she told me, and wonder if she was looking for info to use as
"ammo" against either WH, me or our M. I can't change it
now, but definitely won't be talking to her anymore.

I'm going to add Caller ID to my home phone so I can avoid
taking any calls from her, and WH.

Haven't decided if I'll actually do a PLAN B letter, but I'll at least have it in my mind and attitude.

A.M.- Thanks for the information regarding your WH.
Some of it does sound very parallel.

Confused- Thank you for the info on bi-polar. I really
think this sounds like WH, and think he may have been
incorrectly diagnosed and treated all this time. I
realize I can't do anything to "fix" him and don't know
if he'll ever decide to put the effort into it, but for
his own sake, I sure wish he would. He's never been a
happy person and must really live with a lot of inner
turmoil. So strange that none of this surfaced the first
five years we were together ! Don't know if it hadn't
really started until later, has just gotten enough worse
and he can't control it now, or what !

And thanks Milk and SVB for the continued support.
Don't know what's going to happen for sure, and am just
tired of thinking about it all the time. Tonight I'm
going home, walking the dog, eating some dinner, and having
a nice bath before getting to bed earlier.

Slammed

slammed

you and i spent the evening in the same way!!

like you i am also devestated about the issue of children with this situation. My husband, like yours, never wanted children. Now he's with a woman who has 4 children ages 6-16 and she says they are her life andshe does everything with them.

i don't get how a man can not want children with thier wife but wants them with someone else. in my case...how can he want to be a part of raising someone else's children when he didn't wnat to raise his own???

i'm happy for you that you don't have to face the OW actually having your H child...but I'm sure that knowing how your h responded to the news of possible fatherhood is still hard to deal with.

i do have great hope for your situation. all ws get angry when the truth is exposed but they get over it. even mine did and thought he never would. in your case...you didn't even make the contact which led to exposure...i think he will forgive you

now the real question is...if he comes back to you (since the affair really seems to be looking bad) do you still want him back?

it's a personal choice for only you to make

even though my h has been so awful, i have made my choice based upon the man he always was before this started. i believe that is who he really is and i'm hoping that if he returnd to me...he will also return to himself

Hi Slammed,

I hope your evening went okay. If your H is a bipolar and has been taking wrong medication, things could get worse. That is what people have told me. A lot of them felt that my H has bipolar disorder instead of just depression, and my therapist said that Prozac he is taking might have made things worse. But I cannot save him. We all told him to change his medication, and he refused to do so.

I am not sure how much your H wants to "get heathier", but again, that is his decision. In the mean time, continue to be strong and protect yourself.

Lemonman, thanks for your kind words. I may not be giving myself enough credit, you are right. I guess I kept thinking that I could not even save my M, I could not even "influence" the mind of someone I have spent the past 15 years with. Even though I know that I cannot control others and the situation. I always seem to have some conflicing thoughts. But I am fighting my negative thoughts every minute! I will have to make it through this struggle. Thanks for your support.

Milk

This week just keeps getting weirder !!
Got home last night and WH called to say he would like to come stay overnight at our house. I asked why ??
He said he had "broken it off" with OW and would moving
his stuff out of her house by this weekend and getting
his own place to stay. (He bought a "fixer-upper" house
early this summer and renovations are due to be complete
soon so he will be able to move in there).

Moments after we hung up, the OW called (I wish I had
already gotten the Caller ID) and said she just wanted
to give me a "heads up" that WH would probably be wanting
to come home, as she had "kicked him out" !!
I didn't tell her he had called, as I already regretted
the info I had given her previously, just said "what
happened ?" She said there were just too many problems,
she didn't feel she could trust him, she believed the
things I had told her when we talked, and that she had
started to suspect he might even already be hooked up
with another person (didn't sound like she had any real
evidence of that, but don't know). Said she had agreed
he could come get his stuff by this weekend.
She said she didn't know if I wanted him back or not, but
she just wanted to tell me this, and wished me good luck
whatever my future. Then she said she thought "she knew
it might sound weird, but she thought I sounded nice and
if I ever wanted to talk or get together with her, just to
give her a call" !!!!!! That REALLY blew my mind !!!

After both calls, my mind was really spinning (plus I am
getting a cold, so already felt crappy) !!
As much as I'd like things to work out and to really have my M and H back, I just don't know if this is possible after all the issues, lies, hurt, etc. I don't know if H can be the person he was originally, even if he wants to, due to his mental/emotional issues. Later, I began to wonder if I was putting too much emphasis and "blame" on
the mental issues rather than it being the FOG and effects
of the A ? but know way to really know.

A didn't get there until later and I was getting ready for
bed. We spoke briefly, he played with our dog, and then I
went to bed (in our bedroom) and he went to sleep in the
guest room downstairs.

With all the stress of the week, and catching cold too, I
was very tired so thankfully got off to sleep quite quickly and easily. Woke up in the night though, thinking of everthing that has happened and been said this week, and
just feeling like things are a huge mess. After him being
gone for 8 weeks, it seemed funny to know he was in the house again. We both got up, got ready, and left for our
jobs this morning- not much conversation.

Of course I realize that this situation was brought on by
the exposure this week and problems already going on in the A, not by his great realization of his loving or missing me
so don't know if that's enough incentive for him to break
through this very negative pattern he's been in or not !
Don't know if it is worth another chance or not -?
Don't know exactly how to handle this situation- so,
so far today I've just been trying to NOT think about it,
but will have to decide what to do.

Slammed

(((slammed)))
So did he come home to be a roommate? or H? Do you want him there? How is his behavior? Who's idea for him to sleep in guest room?

Are you ok?

Hi Confused (that should be my name today)

I think WH was rather surprised by the sudden demise of
the relationship with OW, and I don't know if he's thinking
there is any chance of it starting back up or if it is truly done, so I think coming home last night was just a
need to have somewhere to sleep. Sounded like the "break
up" with he and OW was over the phone, so he had nothing
but the clothes on his back with him, and he does have a
large amount of clothes still at our house, so that was
convenient too.
Of course, I don't want to just be the "back up" plan or
convenient- I want him to be back only if he really wants
to be and is committed to it, and I just don't know if he
is or can do that.
In some ways, I feel like it'd be good for him to have his
own place and not come home now, although that would make
it easier to continue contact with the OW or someone else.

I really don't know what he has in mind at this point as far
as being H again or roommate and he's probably not had enough time to think much about it either.
I don't know if he's able to be H right now, without some
real counseling and meds help. If he is willing to do that
and work on his issues, maybe we could be roommates for awhile, gradually working our way back to M- but don't know
if that's a good idea either. (see, I said I was confused <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He was calm and pleasant last night and this morning, although we didn't have a lot of conversation. He got ready for bed upstairs but went down to sleep in the guest room without prompting last night, but had he wanted to sleep in the bedroom with me, I would have said no. I'm not ready for that, for sure.

I feel really mentally exhausted as well as physically sick today, so it's kind of hard to really think clearly about this today. May just have to "let it lay" a bit.

How are you doing ?
Slammed

Slammed,
Ahhhh, just when you think your life is not complicated enough, it gets more so!

You know, 3 weeks ago my H showed up in the middle of the night (4am) without calling just to stay the night....I was so tired and dazed that I did not even think of telling him he could not do that...now I wish I had.

When I read your post my first instinct was for you to tell him to leave, but it is easier said than done! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> The whole think with my H just through me off for days...even now when I hear a car in the middle of the night there is that thought 'is it H?'. See, just messed with my head, so I wish I had said no to him then....but it was hard to do...

I guess I worry that this will mess with your head too! Your H leaves 2 months ago to live with OW and now when things get all shaky with her (BTW: who knows which version of their story with respect to the brakeup is true <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)...anyway, now that it is shaky he just moves back in! Upsets me, the way they assume that we are here waiting for them....hey, what if you had someone else (I know you would not! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) but it is the presumption that we are available and they can just show and go as they please that bugs me! Sorry, just getting carried away, I guess <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />....

I just worry, things will get more messy for you and your H is just thinking about where to sleep but not about M at all! I hope I am wrong, and I really wish he will work on the M.......I can only immagine how you feel now...you must be afraid to bring it up, you don't want to get rejected again...but at the same time...he is there at your house... I feel for you!

Hang in there....I think I might need to borrow the name "confused" as well...don't know if I made any sense above <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...

{{{{{{{slammed}}}}}}}

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

From my experience, it is best that your WH move into the investment property. Then, give him a list of what he needs to do in order to be able to move back into your house. Some ideas: IC, MC, evaluation by a psychiatrist for meds if necessary, dating, agreement to follow MB recovery plan. Four Rules for a Successful Marriage....this commitment can take a couple of months or more. Don't rush it or you are more likely to have a false recovery.

It is likely that he is saving face at having been the one dumped. He may not in fact be interested in recovering your marriage.

But, all that said, you can go through ****** and come back with a recovered marriage. We did. My H's A's were no less sordid, humilitating, and hurtful, yet he has become the man of character that I can be proud of again. He was remorseful, repentent, and put up with several LB sessions I had early in recovery when I experience bad triggers. He responded in just the right way taking full responsibility for creating the insecure environment and the loss of trust. (I am not saying that I didn't take responsibility for my part in the weak state of our marriage pre-A's.) I am not responsible for his choices to have A's.

You can recovery one way or another.

All the best.

What did I say? OP are TOXIC!

She did want to know if you'd take H back.

This may be a ploy by OW to "get something" out from WH...like make him file for divorce or something.

They do things like this to shake things up. Make wh see how good are w/A...

She could be attempting affair version of NC...in order to accomplish some goal.

If she calls again, let answering machine deal with her..and take the tape and take it to a lawyer. Either for divorce or harassment or both if need be.

Just do not communicate with the wench.

She is horrible!

Don't listen to her say something nice to you....she is trying to GET SOMETHING...I SWEAR IT!

Why did FV call me? Easy. Thought my then H was having an affair with HIS WIFE! Plus, turned out she was pregnant. I ddi not know that at the time.

She had given WH the "ultimatum" talk...either You leave Wifey...or baby and I walk and I exclude you from being around baby...or something like that.

There is always an ulterior motive with OW.

I know this is a little late now, but...

It really helps a lot to have a plan in place, and make up your mind how you will handle such a situation ahead of time, and then stick with it.

I didn't find this site until too late, yet in reading afterwards, I discovered that I had basically done plan a/plan b. I plan a'd until the day he walked out to go live with OW. The night he did that, I did try and call him and left him messages, but only that night. The next day, I pulled myself together, realized I needed to have some dignity and was done crawling after him, and it was about time for him to show me why he deserved me.

I knew that he would be back - he as much as said so in the letter he left me the night he walked out. In three different places, he said something to the effect that he "just had to go be with her and find out, but that somehow he didn't really think it was over between us yet." So, I decided right then and there that when - when, not if - he called to come home, my answer would be that I would be happy to work on our marriage, but that he could NOT come home, that he would not be coming home for at least a year, that he could NOT continue to live with her or see her either during that time, that we would have to go to counseling, and then we would see how things went during counseling. That there were no guarantees, but that was the minimum it would take for me to consider continuing our marriage.

And yes, I know the one year thing sounds harsh, but I know my xh well, and I needed to give him a set amount of time, not just a vague "quit seeing her." To him, if I'd said quit seeing her, 10 minutes would have been sufficient, and it wouldn't have counted if he'd started again later in his mind. And it had to be a long enough period of time that he would not feel he could just "outwait" it; in other words, long enough that he wouldn't see just sleeping on a friend's couch for a few weeks until he could get back in the house as a good option.

I needed to see if he meant it, or if it was desperation because they'd had a fight, she'd kicked him out, and he figured coming back "home" was easy.

After 2 1/2 months of counseling, I found out that he had been bouncing between her house, his friend's house, and his parents' house, but basically, he was still living with her, whenever she hadn't kicked him out, that is. And lying to me and the MC the whole time, of course.

I was very glad I'd never let him come home.

You, of course, have to do what you feel is best for your situation. But yes, right now, your WH is one of the most selfish, self-indulgent creatures on the face of the earth. The likelihood is, he's there because it's a place to sleep where he still has his "stuff." It's comfortable for him. It's easy for him.

Do you want to make this easy for him?

My goodness, Slammed, I am stunned! What a week for you...

I really think your H came home for convenience, not b/c he felt bad for what he has done. But at the same time, it might be a wakeup call for him to realize that he needs a place and he needs you.

I cannot tell you how, but you should set some boundaries. I know you want to save your M, but trusting your H right now is very dangerous. If you let him stay home, you two need to agree to work on your M. Like everyone suggested here, MC, going to church, attending some workshops, etc. If he does not even want to be bothered by them, then he is just there physically but not emotionally and is not taking any responsibility whatsoever.

When my H came home when I kicked him out, he said "okay, no more BS, we will seriously work on this", but we did not even go to single session of MC. He just wanted us to go to Hawaii, and then soon as we came back from the trip, he moved out. He basically used me financially.

Each case is different, but your H just spent $5K on a piece of art for OW, right? You do not want to get hurt even more emotionally and financially.

Hugs, and hope you will have a good weekend.

Milk

Thanks for the support and thoughts- it really helps to have insight when I am feeling so totally confused about all this !

White Daisy- Our H's have had some similiar traits all along and seem to be continuing on that path. You are exactly right in that they just think we will "be there", anxiously awaiting their return. I think I have surprised my WH to some degree by not calling, not contacting, really being pretty dark while he was with OW. I didn't have any real plan of what result I might get, but it just made it easier for me to not be constantly worrying about things and seemed to gain some respect from WH.
I don't have a whole lot of trust for things that either WH or the OW told me, and am not surprised that each of them said the "break up" was initiated by them (after all, no one wants to be the "dumpee", right ?) I also don't take that it necessary means that one or both of them won't make an attempt to get back with the other~
Spoke with WH earlier today and he said he would need to stop by the house later to drop off some things and pick some things up. I'm assuming this means he is picking up his things from OW house and will drop them off at home,
and he probably needs some fall/winter clothes.
He didn't say anything about staying.

Trix- I really like your ideas/suggestions of having strict
"strings" attached to coming home. I think that is the only way I want to even consider trying to work things out, although the scary part of it is that it would make it hard for me to know if he is trying to keep contact with OW or
start up with someone new. I'm trying not to get too hopeful since these changes are so new, but am glad to hear from your example, that recovery might be a possibility.

Peachy- You are SO right about the OP! Didn't realize it when I originally talked to her, but really regretted it
since I realized I had given her some "ammo" she could use
against me, WH, or our M, whatever was convenient to her !
The more I thought about it, seemed like she was trying a bit "too hard" to sell herself as being very innocent,
a good person, independent and successful ! Figured if she
really was, she wouldn't have been a on website ! She may
also be trying to hang on to WH because she thought he was
much more successful and wealthy than he really is, and now
that she knows that, she isn't so interested.
I was very guarded and didn't say anything when she called last night and I don't want to talk to her anymore at all.
Until I get Caller Id, I'm going to be screening my calls !

Osxgirl- I like your plan of making them "work" their way home ! I'm sure that having a comfortable, clean place to
go where he has "stuff", his dog, food, etc is very much
why WH came home for the night. He's told me some info about his looking for a short-term rental place to stay
and I wonder if he's trying to get me to say "why don't
you move home" ? and I'm not saying that. I don't want to
appear a "push-over" or that anxious to have him home.
I think he knows I am hurt, mad and pretty hesitant about
things, and I've really got my guard up.
Has your situation resolved ?

Milk- Thanks for the support ! It has been a crazy and
exhausting week. Just want to get home, relax, have a
long soak in the tub, and sleep ! I am very hesitant
about everything right now and not sure what I want or
how to go about things, but at least WH is not "pushing".
BTW- Yesterday, when talking to WH I told him that the things that hurt most were that he had bought her a painting and that he was excited that she was pregnant. He seemed tunned and said "WHAT !!!!"
He said he bought a painting while on a trip, but that
it was not for her, it was for him, and that it was the matching peice to one we already have by his favorite artist, so sounds like she lied about that-
(although we still didn't need to be spending that money).
In regards to him being excited about the pregnancy- he
said "you know me much better than that (he does not like
kids) and if I was so excited, then why did she get an
abortion ???" She had told me she had a miscarriage, so
apparently was flavoring that to sound more her way too !
Hugs to you too, have a good weekend and hang in there !
Slammed

slammed -

Yes - in my case, I've been divorced for about a year and a half now. When I found out he could go to counseling with me, lying to me and our minister who was the counselor about where he was living, since he was basically living with OW the whole time, I said that was the end. After that, I found out he had been doing on-line personals for at least 3 or 4 years before that, that there had been a couple of at least EA if not PA before that, and that there had been a whole lot of money going into porn and phone sex long before that, possibly for most or all of our 10+ year marriage. Basically, in my case, the strong plan B just helped me find out a lot faster than I might have otherwise that I was dealing with an addict, with someone who had serious problems, probably before I ever even met him, and who had just managed to hide them really well from me at the beginning.

I'm pretty much the poster girl for the case where they say you should divorce and move on. No kids, and a husband who was not only a serial cheater, but who had been active in the on-line "married but looking" community for years. The only reason he told me about the affair was because OW was going to, and he was beating her to it. I think he would have been perfectly happy to have the situation go on as it was forever. I, however, had been miserable for well over half of our marriage. In the end, he did me a favor.

Osxgirl- sorry to hear that things did not resolve in favor of your marriage, but sounds like you have a really good attitude about it and have moved on into a better place.

I am feeling okay today, but had another sort of strange night - WH called in the early evening to say he was at his new "place". He had checked out some options during the day and ended up renting a small place near the house he is having renovated. He told me all about it, even said "want to come see it ?", so at least is not being secretive about it.
Said he felt "funny", as thought he was in a college dorm or had checked into a rehab, and wasn't sure what to do with himself. I said I was sure he did feel odd, just because it was a new place. He asked about the dog, we talked some in general, and then he said he would call me
later after doing some un-packing. (he had gone to OW's
house and gotten all his stuff earlier in the day).
About two hours later, I called him- got no answer on his cell, which made me wonder if he had gone somewhere, was on the phone, or what ?
A little later he called me- said he had been laying down and didn't hear his phone. (???) Said he felt bored and didn't know what to do- that he didn't have any food there, nothing to read, felt very strange. I said I was sure it would just take a little time to get used to the new surroundings, but he would probably enjoy it, as he can use
the pool, jacuzzi, gym and other facilities there.
He said he thought he would go get some fast food to eat and
maybe stop for a few groceries, and would call me back before he went to bed.

A little later, I got a call from the mother of his daughter
(whom I will call Jane). She had been called by the OW !!
Apparently OW had called asking who she was, and what her
relationship was to WH, as she had found the phone number on her phone. Jane said she was the mother of his daughter.
(OW knew about the daughter). OW then went on to tell Jane
that Wh had been living with her but she had recently kicked him out because she thought he was cheating on her,
that she had been in contact with me, and that she was checking other numbers on her phone ! Ow had also told her
that she hear WH tell another woman he was getting divorced
(don't know why she would tell her that ??)
Now Jane and I don't know each other very well, but have always gotten along fine in our limited dealings, and I do very much care about WH's daughter. Jane said both she and daughter were very upset and felt bad for me, wanted to offer her support, and even offered for me to come stay with her if I ever needed to. Said she knew WH could be a "jerk" and if I ever wanted to vent I could. I didn't offer a lot of information, just said it had been a rough time, and we were "working on things", and appreciated her
thoughts. Hung up feeling really odd- don't know what the purpose of OW calling her would have been- they have had no relationship for many years, and OW did know of daughter.
Even if just tracing phone numbers, you'd think once she knew who it was she wouldn't have needed to divulge the A
or other information. I also felt bad that daughter now knows of A (she's 12). Do you think this is just OW being
mad and trying to get back at WH ? Another try at getting
"ammo" ? I was a little surprised (but glad) that OW didn't call me again- I don't want to talk to her and don't trust her at all. (I am having Caller Id put on my phone today !)
WH called me again later- said he had ended up just walking around the property, stopped at the restaurant/bar, watched a bit of football, came back to his room, and was going to go to bed. I said "thanks for calling" and went to bed myself.
He sounds really down, which I don't know is just his sudden change of location, not being used to being alone, withdrawal from the A, or a combination of things ??
I had been worried he'd want to come home, but now feel a little worried about why he DIDN'T want to come home ?
(Any thoughts on this ???)

I feel a little scared that he doesn't do well alone, and that his being lonely might have him back to trying to contact OW, or find someone new right away. I have no idea if OW really did think he had something going on with someone else, or if she just said that to make me not want him back, or hurt me !?

I didn't say anything about the phone call and don't know if I should, or just leave it alone. I think he will be furious that his XGF and daughter know about OW and the A,
so he will be extremely unhappy with OW. What does everyone think about this ?

Today I am working, then have housework, laundry and some errands to do. Don't know if I will hear anything from WH
and am trying not to expect to. I was hoping to use our renewed contact as a way to kind of "lighthouse" him back towards home, show that things/people can change, and make him want to go to counseling and work on things, so I guess it's kind of a "Plan A" but with boundaries and my guard up.
Hope everyone has a good weekend ~
Slammed

The OW is desperate.

She thought she had the WH by the cajones...that he'd moved out...living with her.

And yes she's lying!

She in her twisted warped view of life sees WH as CHEATING ON HER...COME ON GIRL HE'S MARRIED TO YOU!

That was how both ow in my case were...

SHE IS STALKING WOMEN IN HIS LIFE.

I am glad you and Jane could talk about this.

She is unstable...and is out for something else other than your good...or anything.

She imho...has done the Plan B thing...she suspects WH of cheating on her (how crazy) and has kicked him to curb and is freaking out now like all other women here who begin plan B...like I did...but she's the OW!

Your WH is still foggy. He's still cakeating.

Expect an either reconciliation or complete blow up with OW.

I would issue a RO against her if she keeps calling..

Now..
Here is something INTERESTING YOU CAN DO...

You can use this as perfect opp to PAINT OW AS THE CLINGY DESPERATE WOMAN...AND THE L'BUSTER! How? Call H...say taht You spoke to Jane and some ranting woman called her too! That you're frightened of her. That she was saying all crazy stuff...that she lied about pregnancy and the portrait and now YOU'RE SCARED OF HER! Ask her WHY SHE IS TRYING (OW THAT IS) TO WRECK HIS LIFE! Ha ha...That's what the OW would do to many Wives btw! Let's use their line of reasoning!

Turn WS against her. It's all the way you frame it. Time for war my dear.

But don't take back a WS. Let the man see the OP for who she is ...pathetic!...and a woman WHO MOST LIKELY TRAPPED A MAN BY DELIBERATELY GETTING PREGNANT! Can relate to that one...unfortunately...You can consider reconciliation when he is choosing to no longer be a WS.

Calling Orchid? Orchid? We have PBR WANNA BE SIGHTING OVER HERE!