Hey slammed,
Glad to hear you are feeling better!

I had a tough night yesterday....these ups and downs get very tireing....I had such a nice day, and then I met H for tea later in the day. We were going to a play with some friends and so we met first(just the 2 of us), but we met too earlier (his suggestion)....He was tired and we set for 45 minutes drinking tea and it was just hard...I tried making conversation, but at some point I just stoped trying as I realized what was the point....he was tired, his responses to me were short and frankly filled with suspecion that I must have some alterier motive and I got tired of that soon...that left me feeling really sad, and I ended up crying during the play (it was about failed M - not the best topic).....When we set at the tea shop it was so painful to sit there for so long and not even hold hands...I miss that so much, that physical contact with him....

I want to get myself out of this funny mood today...I was hoping to get out but it snowed and I really hate driving in that stuf so I'll see...

Best to you....
Daisy

Daisy-
Sorry that the weekend was tough. I can totally relate to
feeling the big loss of "normal" with H and the M that you
used to have. I miss the physical contact too- just the hugs
or holding hands, or sleeping wrapped up with each other.
Just realized this morning how long it's been since SF too-
and that made me really feel sad.

I tried to stay busy on the weekend so I would not think or
worry to much about WH. I reminded myself that, as you've
said, the situation is pretty much "out of my hands", and
tried to relinquish the remaining control, effort, stress
to God for him to handle, as only he can.

Wh called me Fri night- said he was "touching base" (makes
me feel like a business client) and asked about the dog.
Said he was picking up a pizza from a place near his rented
room. I think this comment was meant to make it sound like
he was going back there to eat alone, but I imagine he was
really going over to eat at OW's house.
Sun he called and said he was "out and about" (another
babble expression) looking at appliances for the fixer-
upper house, etc. I couldn't resist (hopefully it wasn't
a big LB) but said "I was surprised he was allowed out"
(meaning I figured the OW would be monitoring his every
move). He said "he didn't know what that was supposed to
mean, but whatever...". I asked if he was back living at
OW's house and he said NO- that they were "talking" and
he was "still trying to sort things out". I translate this
into "he's seeing/involved with OW, and is still fence-
sitting about what to do with me". Not too encouraging-

He does apparently still have the rental room, but I've
called early and late several times lately and he's never
been there, so think he is spending the evening/night at
OW house.

Today, so far anyway, I am feeling okay and have settled
into a detached mode where I'm just letting things "be".
Still thinking about a full, dark PLAN B, and wondering
if it would help, or if it would be ineffective or even
backfire due to WH's depression and/or other issues.

Realized yesterday that I wasn't even that disappointed
that WH didn't call later or come by (has normally stopped
by on Sundays) so maybe I'm getting more detached and used
to being alone, or am finally growing tired of all this
mess.

Hope your week is off to a good start -
slammed

slammed

i don't think you made any mistakes that may have impacted the outcome of your h actions while not seeing the OW

you are doing the best you can based upon the actions of your H so far...push too hard and push him further away..son't push and he still may distance himself

there is no logical pattern to their response

there is no way to understand or make sense of it

just try not to Love bust and act do not react.....

act means to think before you respond and then act in a loving way without love busting

react means to let your feelings control your actions....that's usually when lovebusting occurs

i hate the second guessing and questioning our actions that we do because of this crazy inconsistent situation!!

Slammed!

Thanks for posting on my thread <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...I seem to be talking to myself over there which is fine...so thanks!

Anywho....I really wish I had something to say that could be helpful to you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...you should not question yourself but as you know I do that too....it is hard not to...but we can try!

I do wonder if Plan B would work for you....I quess it is easier to see it working for others than for ourselves...I have this feeling that it would work for you....your H does seem to want you in his life....I think it would take some time for it to work, but it seems like he is attached and just confused and needs to really think things through....

Hope you are doing well today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />.....

I got IC in an hour! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am so glad...I find I need someone to talk to about this who is in front of my face! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Best to you....
Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hey Slammed!

Thanks for posting on my thread there......

Hey, what is with our H's? Don't you wish you could use the 2x4 on them? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I don't mean to make light of your situation...just kind of tired today....My IC did not go well.....they had send me an email to change the time and I did not get it...so I only got 1/2 hour and I was not ready for that so I was rushing through it.....ahhhh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />....

I go next week so I hope to get more out of it....usually it helps.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But I really think I have been so ANGRY this past few days and talking to H last night just was the last straw that now I am not functioning too well! I am angry! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I think my LB is being drained and I am sad and angry about it.....

Why does he not care? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I really don't understand the man at all? How can he just give up like that? I mean we were only married for 1 year and a half when he started talking about seperating! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I was so shocked! It would never occur to me to do that.....we are so different...

Anyway....don't mean to get all into my sitch here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />.....

Slammed, what can I say to you...I feel like what you are going through is so hard...how do you do it...really all of you with As how do you make it through? Hang in there Slammed....I hope your H is home now and does call you..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

What are your thoughts on Plan B? You might have mensioned them, care to share again?

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Slammed,

Your H is not the only fence sitter in this M....YOU are too.

You know what you have to do here but you are finding it difficult to make that final decision. Sound familiar?

Yes your H has some serious issues....but HE will be the one who decides IF and WHEN he seeks help. You can`t force him into it...you can`t love him into it.

As long as you continue to talk to him, have contact with him he has NO INCENTIVE whatsoever to get his act together. He has no reason to seek help. And he needs help.

The money, the clothes, the kids, the dog are all excuses. Contact for all of those issues can be negotiated using a lawyer. And you have already seen a lawyer so that path is already open.

You are not doing HIM any favours by continuing contact. As long as you take his calls and allow him to come by the house he will NOT seek help. He`s going to have to hit rock bottom before he seeks help. Been there done that. I have experience with this.

I know you want to save your M or you would not be here. The Harely`s are experts. They DO have a plan for a situation such as yours. But you are not follwing it. And you are wondering why things are not working in your favour.

A while back Takola had an excellent thread about baking a cake. You have the recipe before you. It calls for two cups of flour, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of chocolate chips ect...

You want to feed alot of people so you decide to add an extra cup of flour....you`re out of salt so you add extra baking soda...your son doesn`t like chocolate chips so you change that to rasins....

You bake your cake then taste the results....

BLECCHHH!!!!! The cake is nasty!!!!It didn`t turn out!!!!

Now why is that???? Perhaps because you didn`t follow the recipe.

It`s the same for MB. The Plan is the recipe. You cannot modify it, exchange ingredients or leave stuff out.

Because if you do....your "cake" doesn`t turn out.

You need to make some serious decisions here. many of us have ben in similar situations. This is similar to what H and I experienced 5 1/2 years ago. My H was a drug addict with two A`s under his belt. Had I not told him I was through living with the turmoil one way or another he never would have sought help. And we would be divorced by now.

Thanks Daisy37-
After many varied opinions here on the boards, as well as
input from my IC, I have really been debating whether or not
it would help me any to go to Plan B.
I didn't find any mention of it in SAA, but from other
sources of Harley information, it sounds like they have apparently said that the MB principles and Plan are not meant for those with mental/emotional issues or addictions, so I've not known if it would help, hurt, or have any effect either way- ?

My IC (is somewhat familiar with MB principles, but of
course not as good as the Harleys for guidance on this) has
said she feels that Plan B will not have the desired effect
of making WH see what he will be losing, forcing a decision
either way, or of making OW meet all his needs, since his needs were already being met a home and the A is more a result of his own personal problems, such as depression,etc,
so I don't know if there would still be an advantage or if
it might backfire by making him feel frustrated or abandoned.

I have still tried to follow and take suggestions from the
boards and those dealing with similar situations, and did
my best on a "Plan A" while WH still lived at home, but so
hard to gauge if anything I try makes a difference, and of
course, impossible to know how much of his behavior is the
A or the other issues.

I am detached enough that I could probably do a good "B"-
I don't contact WH, am taking care of things on my own, and
have begun to check into options if we do go our seperate
ways-
Would just need to figure out how to handle a few things
like finances (everything is joint and WH provides the $$
for most of our bills and expense, but I keep the checkbook,
write the checks, and pay everything). Perhaps our contact
could either go through an intermediary (although we really
don't have any mutual friends) or be brief and business-like
on email only ?
I can't keep WH out of the house per laws of our state, but
could make arrangements that I'd be gone if he needed to come get belongings, etc.

Since you've dealt with addiction issues, I'd be interested
to know if you did an actual Plan B, and if you WH went
through with some type of counseling/treatment before being
able to really work on the M ?

Slammed

True, Plan B does not 'work' on a WS that has mental illness or addiction(s). But when a BS begins getting healthy and not wanting to deal with the unhealthy behavior of the WS a separation has to occur.

Plan B is a way to keep yourself safe while the A demises.

With an addiction you don't know if it will have a natural death or not...it is up to the WS, but you get out of it's path and keep yourself safe.

YOu go into a protection mode...you reduce contact, you reduce any dependence on the addict and don't allow the addict access to you, finances, you, the house, you, and you wait it out...for as long as YOU want to...do you have a time in mind?

I have separated with my H who is a porn and m/b addict and we still talk...he is getting healthy and being more honest...but when I am having a hard day or I feel he is backsliding, I stay away...saves my heart. I give the situation a year, and I'll see how things are then...I have hope today, but didn't yesterday...

What would YOU like to do to protect YOU??? Because after all, Plan B is all about protecting hte love you have left...not about getting the WS back...

No...Plan A does not work with an addict but Plan B does.

When I first came to MB I knew H had an issue with drugs and I knew is was a HUGE problem for me but I stopped short of calling him an addict.

Right before d-day I had discovered MB but I didn`t join the boards until several months into recovery.

I never had to actually go to Plan B/C. But I was on the cusp...twice. The first time being around the time of d-day when I told H that he had to end his EA or I was going to divorce him (I had taken the children and gone to my sister`s house, I MEANT what I said) and the second time being about a year into recovery when I was finally willing to admit that my H was an addict. I had my bags packed at the front door when I told H that I had arranged a meeting with his Uncle who was in AA for that very night and that if he refused to go I was leaving him right and there. And I wasn`t coming back.

We were battling the two issues simultanously for a very long time. We have been in recovery from the A for 5 1/2 years. H has been clean for 4 1/2 years. I had never had to actully leave H but I was fully prepared to. And that was the turning point...my decision to leave unless H sought help.

We are doing very well now.

I know how you feel. This is a hard decision to make. But for us...after years of misery and threats the only thing that got his attention was when I FINALLY meant what I said. I was done living with and addict/cheater....one way or another. I put the ball in H`s court.

In hindsight it would have been easier to have had H deal with his addictions right from the start. We wasted about a year of recovery time before he sought help for his addiction. Although H had stopped his A`s on d-day it was very difficult to put MB to good use until we dealt with the addiction.

I think to go into a good solid Plan B given your situation you need to go through a trusted intermediary or better still a lawyer.

But you never know....your H might snap out of it before it gets to this point once he realises that you mean business.

Hey Slammed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

How are you doing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Did you hear from WH? Last time you were hoping he would call...did he?

Hope you are doing ok.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

I am not so good....I think am going through a week of "I am fed up with all this"....It makes me sad, but not enough...I am still left ticked off!

Have not talked to H since Monday (when we talked for 2 minutes...I called)...so I am being ignored here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />....I know he had a day of today.....so did I....and it is nice to see I am not worth the trouble....

On the other hand...maybe him not calling right now is for the best...I cannot guarantee I'll be pleasant right now as I have been up to now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Best to you....{{{{{slammed}}}}}}}

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, White Daisy-
Sorry you are having a period of feeling bad and down about
things- I certainly do understand and relate to that.
Had a couple days last week where I felt strangely detached
from it all, and it kind of scared me- I wondered if I had
lost all the love for WH. Then, a couple days later, I
suddenly felt sad, worried, and still very much loving and
missing WH.

We continue to talk almost every day- initiated by WH.
Often he calls to ask about the dog, or talk about something
with our finances, but sometimes it's just to say "he's
touching base", or "checking in". He still says he is
trying to "sort things out", "work on things", "think about
things" and I still don't know if these are just a stall or
if he's really trying to do some clear thinking about what
he wants and can do.

He mentioned a couple weeks ago that he was going to start
seeing a counselor, but has not yet set anything up. This
is really frustrating since it's really not that difficult !
I haven't been "bugging" about it, but did ask yesterday
and he said he was going to do it today (I'll believe it
when I see it !) Just don't understand why he wouldn't
want to "get on with it" as I don't see him being able
to make any decisions or resolve anything without help.
(or he could have done so by now !)

A couple of newer developments have me wondering-
Week before last it appeared that WH was spending his
evenings and/or nights with OW (or someone) as I would
call his rented room late and/or early and he never answered. Last week, however, he called me once in the
evening from his office, and once later from his room.
Makes me wonder if something has changed with OW- but since
he still seems "busy" and isn't doing things with me, it
also makes me wonder if there's "another" OW.

Also- WH got a new job. He had worked for a bank until Apr
and had left to pursue having his own business. He's worked
hard at it, but seemed like he was finding it takes a long
time to start showing some profit, and in the meantime our
finances were getting really bad and he has run up big
credit card bills on his business accounts. He told me a
couple weeks ago that the bank owner had called him a couple
times asking him to come back and he was considering it.
He told me yesterday that he decided to go back, and he started today. I am glad because it seems like his being
back in a "routine", being around other people (who know
me), and having more to do might help him come out of the
"fog". Also I'm glad he will have a regular paycheck and
benefits again since that helps me and my fianances too !
WH called today from the new office and although I told him
"congratulations", I felt sad, because it made me feel so
left out of his life and happenings. Normally I have helped
him set up his office, and this time he did it without me.
Thought of asking him out for dinner to celebrate, but didn't know if I should since I don't normally initiate anything with him.

IC has suggested I come up with a timeframe, just in my
head, of how long I am willing to stay in the this state of
limbo, and I tentatively thought about end of the year, or
by our anniversary, which is early Feb.
That's scary, because it's not all that far away-
Somehow, I almost feel like WH is working against some type
of time frame too, although he's not said so.

The upcoming holidays are weighing on my mind lately.
I was surprised that my IC said she thought WH would plan
to spend the holidays with me, as I'd not thought that at
all and just figured I'd be making very low-key plans for
myself. We normally have had Thanksgiving at our house, with
my parents.
Last year, WH's parents and daughter came and spent Christmas at our house (they live out of state) and I'm
figuring that they are starting to wonder if we are going to
ask them this year. I have avoided talking to MIL and am
wanting to stay out of that entirely, but it's probably
putting pressure on WH.

Hope you are feeling better today ?
Had a thought after reading your update = wondered if you
think your H might be content to stay "as is" because of
his immigration status ?

Slammed

Hey Slammed....

You sound really good. All together. I guess all IC are saying the same thing....what is the time frame. I have been talking about that with my IC and my friend. At first I said I'll give it till March, now it is till the end of the year. I plan to give H a plan B letter on the 1st of Jan. Will see, by next week I may be ready to give it to him at the end of this month.

Since you read my thread...then you know what I have been up to...had an awful day yesterday. Ahhh, don't even want to think about it....just hit a low!

I am glad you 2 are talking...sounds like if you go dark, your H will miss you. You sound strong being able to take this limbo and not get angry or emotional infront of him. I was not able to do that and it all went haywire in Sept. and now we have not talked nor even hinted at the R since then.
I have not talked to H since last Monday. I miss talking to him.....

Hope you are doing well tonight..you really sound all together....I had an anxiety attack at work, I was shaking, I got all panicky, luckily I am alone in my office...I feel so much better now.

Best to you...

Daisy

Slammed,
I forgot to reponds to you about the immigration....well, frankly all my friends and my family wonder what he is still doing in Canada, why has he not gone back to CA. I don't know....

I know he would like the immigration to go through... I got all the papers together last Winter (the process takes a long time)...so when this process started we were still together....but nevertheless, he has no rights to stay here if we divorce before the application goes through. Once we D, he will no longer be my dependent and hence that application for him will be void. I personally think, he believes I will not do anything to change his eligibility....but once we D than that is that. I will not feel bad when it does not go through for him because he cannot expect to get the benefit of being my H when he is NOT my H. Period. We still have 6 months before we can file....and I really doubt the application will go through by then....

Best,
Daisy

slammed

all of the contact your H is initiating sounds great!

Thanks Daisy37, White Daisy and Eav for your posts.

Daisy37-
I am so glad that your H was able to come to the realization
of what he would lose and make the decision to work on both
himself and your M. I am praying for an "epiphany" for WH
so he can realize what he is losing and what he has become
and can get help before it is too late to save himself or
the M.

White Daisy-
I am glad if I sounded "together"- would have to say that my moods are quite "fleeting" and I go through an awful lot of them daily, sometimes hourly !
At times when I am really down and feeling absolutely hope-
less, I've tried to remember that things can and do change,
and have reminded myself that this mood will pass. I also
hate to be totally "up" and hopeful, as I'm always afraid
that I'll come crashing down with some new disappointment, or revelation. How the stress doesn't kill all of us dealing
with these situations, I don't know !!
I really don't know if the recent changes (WH moving out
from OW house, more contact with WH, WH going back to his
old job) mean things are changing for the better or just
changing, but I'm hoping they are all working to bring WH
out of the "fog" and back into the real world.
How long this will take, and whether it will lead him back
to our M, I don't know. So hard to know if you are giving
things time and may get some good things from the patience
and perserverance, or if you are getting nowhere and will
regret spending the time......
hang in there-

EAV-
Thanks for the support and thoughts. I sure hope that the
recent changes and contact with WH are good indicators, but
hard to know. I try to have zero expectations so that any
thing good that happens will be a pleasant surprise and
things that don't happen won't be a disappointment, but
not exactly easy to do !
I think you are doing well, and all you can do, so hang in
there !
Slammed

Don't know if recent changes with WH are good changes, or
"just" changes.

I'm glad that WH moved out of OW's house, but suspect there
is still at least some contact. I can't confirm this one way
or another and WH won't talk about Ow or the A, but WH just
always seems to be so "busy" (doing what ???) and has not
answered the phone when I've called his rented room early
or late a few times, so appears to be somewhere overnight-
I also think he would have come home if he didn't have
something going on with someone... (and the rented place
is pretty expensive, so why keep it if not some motive ?)

The only negative about WH being at his own place is my
knowing that he's not very good at "entertaining" himself
or being alone, which may lead him to try to fill those
"needs" with someone.

I am really glad that WH went back to his old job, and feel
it's a good thing all-round. I think he had to swallow some
pride to do it ,as when he left the job in April, he said
"I'll never work for someone else again". He tried hard to
get his own business started, but has found it isn't so easy and he's not been making any money, which was probably
the biggest reason he decided to go back. I'm glad he'll
have the steady paycheck (all our finances still joint) but
also am glad he'll be back on a "routine", have more social
contact by being in an office with others, and hope it might
help bring him more out of the "fog".

The past couple of weeks, WH has called me a little more
often, and has apparently been at his office or his rental
room in the evenings, which has made me feel like he might
be spending less time with OW anyway.

Last night, WH called to ask if a certain thing had come in
the mail for him. He later came to pick it up, and while there asked about the "village peices" that we own. (a
set of collector's buildings that we've collected for years). I asked if he was going to get US some more peices,
and he started up with saying he was the one who had been
interested in collecting, he had thought of the idea, he
had purchased most of the them, and that I was just "hoarding" in on his idea. He said this in a light,
"joke" like manner, but realized he says this about a lot
of things that we did together, bought, or planned. Is this
just a way to "justify" or conveniently re-write history ?
It made me feel bad, wondering if he was planned to take
it if we split or what ?
The rest of our conversation was fine, but just cannot
figure out what goes on in that man's head !!!

Have my IC tonight so will be interesting to see what my
Ic thinks about these recent changes-
Slammed

Hey Slammed,
I saw what you wrote on my thread....

I got to go now but I'll be back tonight to write more.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there! WH say a lot of bizarre stuff to say the least <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />! Don't worry about the collecting thing....don't second guess what it means...I think WH can be quite insensitive... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

When I spoke to H on Monday he began telling me about a movie he saw that day (I cannot remember the name). Basically it is about removing painful memories. So, he starts out with, "you know, like if a person suffers a painful brake up, they would go and eraze all the memories of this person so that they would not have the pain".. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />..Could he not come up with a better example?! Seemed a bit insensitive to me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> but that is how WS are...they still don't get it ~ it is sad.....

So, hang in there.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I'll come back late to comment on the rest of your thread!

Enjoy... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
DAisy

Slammed,
I went running and rock-climing last night and was just too tired to post...so here I am now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

I think it is a good sign that your H is calling you more now. I would not question him wanting his own place right now. It does not have to mean that he and OW are still on. He could seriously be taking the time to figure things out...and working on your M from 2 different households may be to your advantage...take it slow to rebuilt.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />..

I am curious to know what you mean by he will not discuss OW. Are you saying that you have specifically asked him if he and OW are still involved and his response is I will not discuss it? Or are you saying he himself will not bring the topic up, so you don't either? It would help me to understand.....

I guess you could always find out with a PI, but personally I am really weary about going that far....I am already feeling quity enough for checking my H's email <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...somehow I think having him followed around is not something I want to live with....It is up to you...

Otherwise, you are in the same boat as me....sooner or later you will have to get into it...talk about the M/R or at least start the communication and find out one way or another if he still wants the M....or you could just go to Plan B....and state in Plan B letter that in order for him to come back he would have to do everything to show he and OW are not involved before you can consider contact with him again....

Have you given thought to Plan B recently?

I am not pushing Plan B on you, not at all....just curious what you think....I know my feelings change from day to day.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Daisy~
Glad to hear from you and hope you are having a good day.
You are right about WS being very insensitive.
Sometimes I feel like my WH does or says some things just to get a reaction or response from me- like a kid would
do to "goad" a sibling or parent ! Don't know if there's
any "rhyme or reason" to it, or if it's just an inmaturity
thing !
Same thing with your H's comments about that movie (Is it
something like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"???)-

I do hope that WH is using having his own place and lots of
"space" to think and sort things out, as he is saying, and
not just as an opportunity to continue on with OW or anyone
else. I have straight out asked him if he was still involved
with OW and the only thing he will say is that they were
"talking" and still "friends". (I had to stifle what I would
have liked to say about that- and my opinion of what type of
a "friend" she is !)

I had a session with my IC last night, so was able to up-
date her about his moving out, my assuming he is still with
OW to at least some degree, his going back to work, his more
frequent contact with me, and some of the things he's said
lately.
She has previously said that his behavior seems to fit very much with his having been diagnosed with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and reiterated that last night. She has previously told me that some of the same meds as are used for depression are often considered effective for OCD, but often need to be at higher levels, may need to be combined with other meds, such as those for anxiety, and take some close monitoring and adjusting to get the dose and combinations right-
She feels like WH is still very connected to me, but is
"waffling" about what he should do. She thinks he is perhaps
hesitant in getting back together for fear that things can't
get better or improve, or he will never be able to "live down" his actions (like the A). She agreed that he probably
is still seeing OW some, but she does not thing that there
is much chance of any real relationship there and figures it
is "dying a lingering death". I told her I feel like WH is
kind of working against a deadline or may have given himself
a time frame to make a decision (just a feeling) and she said this is likely, as his constantly going back and forth
is probably driving him crazy ! She also thought some of
his recent comments (such as him saying he does remember
about things that we did, things that were important to us)
indicate he is probably quite "torn" and struggling too.
She really liked that I have told WH that I do feel people
and things can change, but also that his lack of interest
in working on the M have caused me to have less interest in
it too.

IC said I seemed to be handling the seperation much better
than WH (which surprised me) and she said this is very
common that the female handles things better than the male
because females tend to have better "support systems", are
much better at talking and venting, and are less hesitant
to ask for help and support than men- makes sense !

Told IC I felt anxious and more pressured with the holidays
coming. She suggested I just make plans to do whatever I
want to do, not expecting, planning, or waiting to find out
about WH. (He's not said anything about Thanksgiving, and
neither have I).

I still do think about Plan B, just didn't know if it might
interfere with the slight progress we may have had lately.
I talked to Ic about it a bit (we've discussed some about
MB) and she didn't really give me a feel for whether she
thought it'd help or not). She has mainly suggested being
honest about how I feel, not playing games, letting my WH
know that I'm not going to be here forever waiting for him,
and most of all, doing I what I want and need to do for me.
(probably the standard counselor advise !)

Didn't hear anything from WH yesterday or so far today, but
I have no reason to call him and won't. Funny, he's told me
several times in the past week that we'll go out to dinner,
but it hasn't happened-
Slammed

Sort of down today after feeling pretty good most of the week-
Guess I might just be getting tired and I find the weekends
to be the hardest time for me since we seperated.
I really miss the good time H and I would have running our
errands, going out to eat, shopping, or working on projects
around the house/yard together.
I do now try to make plans to fill my time- usually do some
housework, laundry, errands, go out or get "take out" for
a meal, walk/play with the dog, work, work on crafts, rent
a movie, etc. but sorely miss my best friend and companion !

Nothing new has happened with WH and I haven't heard from
him since Tuesday. I know he started back at his old job
this week, still has some work and his office from his own
business, and is supervising the renovations of a house,
so it may just be that he's been really busy. Had been
hearing from him almost every day (or at least every other
day) though, so I think that's bothering me a little bit.
He's been telling me for a week that we'll go out to eat
and talk, and that hasn't happened either- but at least I
know better than to count on or plan around WH !
(maybe I'll just go out tonight and treat myself !)

Called WH's office last night and he was there at about 9pm.
He also answered the phone at his rented room this morning,
so apparently was not at Ow's overnight ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Some recent signs make it appear they may either be no longer involved (or at least less) but I also wonder and worry about him already hooking up with someone else. I just feel like he
would be wanting to talk or do things together, or might
even consider moving back home if he wasn't - ?
Guess I better just stick to working on and taking care of
me and quit trying to figure it out and worry...huh !!?

Slammed