How did you feel the day you filed for a divorce? I keep thinking I need to just go do it, I don't know how. I tell friends and family next week will be it, yet I don't follow through. I had just dreams for this marriage, I never considered I'd actually get a divorce. It's impossible, like a bad movie, that my marriage was the mess it was all along, four years of it. Then there's the good times, the trips, the cooking together, the chatting, naming the baby. Everyone likes to tell me he's a jerk, get over him, I know I was a jerk too. I have such guilt. My counselor says I'm in a rut, I'm stuck but it's ok to have an estranged husband if I'm not yet ready. Divorce is so sad, so awful. I dont' know how to quit being unstuck and just go to the courthouse and file. I don't know if I can handle what comes after that. Every now and then I'll ask others about their divorces, perhaps I'm not totally listening. So many have stories, every other person on the streets has been divorced. It was supposed to be THEM not ME. This was supposed to be "the week" yet I don't think I'll do it. Maybe next. What does it feel like when you finally file, does it feel so final, like a death? My dad died this year, I feel like I'm dealing with two deaths back to back.

It felt worse than death for me. But I was drawn to it, like I could not stop, like I just had to. My wife knew I was going to and encouraged me to (and then acted like the victim... that I had filed). She came home crying and said that I did this to punish her even though she told me for months the marraige was over and that I should file.

Filing hurt more than anything for me (more than watching both of my parents die). My brother took me to the attorney because I was sobbing so hard. I don't like to even think about it.

The day of the divorce hearing, I just sat there - I felt nothing. My wife (the victim again) cried, and cried and cried.

It gets better though... slowly it gets better. I am still heartbroken but I am in a different place now. You will be in a different place also someday.

I want to say one thing... If you are hurting now, you will hurt MORE when you file. Have you considered a legal seperation?

I'm taking notes because I honestly think I need to file. I think my marriage is now dead, and while I want to work it out, as always, my WH, I think, is quite done with it.

I felt a huge sense of relief, I knew it was one step closer to closing that chapter of my life and starting a new fresh one.

How does a legal separation work?

I didn't file he did for the second time...and being how it is the second time he's file I'm ALOT better with it this time...I'm more ready this time than ever to be done with him. The first time I was shocked...he had threatened so many times..it was like the chicken little theory.

I felt anxious, sad, and worried. But, the funny thing is, you file and .... nothing happens. The process is very slow.

My state, PA, doesn't have legal separation, so I can't address that. However, everyone reacts a little differently. Keep in mind that you can withdraw the divorce suit if you change your mind. This is not a set in stone deal.

One thing to consider is the financial end. Sometimes it is necessary to file to protect assets or to protect against debt.

I just stumbled upon this website...check it out...I know nothing about it...but looks interesting.

http://womansdivorce.com/separation.html