Hi all -<P>Been away for a while. Been working on me. Still separated from H - although we have been talking a lot lately. I will maybe post an update later. <P>Anyway - I wanted to share this with all of you (and I will state ahead of time - this is not a "slam" against the "unfaithful" - I respect everyone here). I simply want to share it because it touched me and sounds beautiful when read out loud. (PS - If you can belive it - this was written B.M.L.- before Monica Lewinsky!)<P>Enjoy...<P>An Idle Thought<P>I'm never going to sleep<BR>with Martin Amis<BR>or anyone famous.<BR>At twenty-one I scotched<BR>my chance to be<BR>one of the seductresses<BR>of the century,<BR>a vamp on the rise through the ranks<BR>of literary Gods and military men,<BR>who wouldn't stop at the President:<BR>she'd take the Pentagon by storm<BR>in halter dress and rhinestone extras,<BR>letting fly the breasts that shatter<BR>crystal - then dump him, too,<BR>and break his power-broker heart.<P>Such women are a breed apart.<BR>I'm the type <BR>who likes to cook - no,<BR>really likes it; does the bills;<BR>buys towels and ties;<BR>closes her eyes during kisses:<BR>a true first wife.<P>The seductress when she's fifty<BR>nobody misses, but a first wife<BR>always knows she's first,<BR>and the second (if he leaves me<BR>when he's forty-five) won't forget me<BR>either. The mention of my name,<BR>the sight of our son - his and mine -<BR>will make her tense; despite<BR>perfected bod, highlighted hair<BR>and hip career, she'll always fear<BR>that way back there<BR>he loved me more<BR>and better simply<BR>for being first.<P>But ho:<BR>the fantasy's unfair to him,<BR>who picked me young and never tried<BR>another. The only woman he's ever left<BR>was his mother.<P>- Deborah Garrison -<BR>(She has a great collection of poems - A Working Girl Can't Win)

Starpony, what a truthfull poem. I've been thinking of you. I've been away too, working on myself. Have the whole family in SBT therapy. H moved out from O/W into a extended stay hotel. We date and he does his withdrawing alone. It's better this way for us both. This time alone has been a real growing period for me, so no matter what happens, I'm going to be okay. I'm hopefull, but not expectant. It sounds like you are doing well yourself!<P>------------------<BR>Lilly<P>

Lilly!!!!<P>Really good to hear from you. It is a huge time of growing isn't it? I am so pleased to hear you and H have found some common ground. It is great news that you are beginning counseling and I agree - if H and I are ever to be together, I hope we can go through withdrawal apart too!<P>There is something that come with knowing you will be fine - no matter what the outcome of the marriage that is liberating. You sound so good and strong!!!<P>Take care, I'll be thinking of you...<P>