I posted a few weeks ago with my story. Married 16years, 3 children.

WH will be visiting next week to see the children in Australia.

I was in Japan when I discovered his affair in March with a single Australian multimillionairess who travels the world cycling and skiing. She has totally no commitments, no partner, no parents, no siblings , no friends ,no work, no house, nothing to lose.

We have 3 beautiful daughters 8,4 and 2.5 years.

So I moved back home to Australia in June as he was tooing and froing between me and OW.

WH is now living in Tokyo with OW.

It is the 8 and 4 year olds birthdays this week that is why he is visiting. Also it will be the time when we will tell the children that we will no longer be together. Also he has planned to move to Philadelphia in Jan 06 so we need to tell the children about that too. No idea as to whether OW will be moving too.

I am so ready to cut him loose and divorce him and I know that the realtionship that he says is his true soul mate is nothing like that and it will all fall in a heap for him at some point in time.

I am so confused. On the one hand I want to divorce him because he has hurt me so badly and on the other hand I have loved him for 21 years and I understand how this can happen but I cannot wait forever.

What do I do when he comes next week?

Totally Plan A him?? I can do that........... but I am so angry that he has abandonded us and will be living in another country. I have no idea if I could ever have him back again without serious ACTIONS not words on his behalf.
If he even wants to do that.

I am at a loss as to how to go forward.

Please help.

I'm not sure I could Plan A someone who has so completely abandoned his family. Is it possible to do a Plan B during a birthday week? I mean realistically. Tough call.

It doesn't matter if you think you understand why this happened. You are not the cause, you bear the brunt of the effect. I would be honest, truthful and age appropriate with my children. I would talk to them BEFORE their father does. Do not let him put a happy face spin on it.

If your WH husband is anything like mine, he likes to be a part of family events and pretend that nothing has happened. If you're having a birthday party, make sure every person coming to it know the whole truth. Don't wear "kid gloves" and act like the happy family. You don't have a happy family. Warning: don't let him mar your daughters' birthdays. Focus on them. Make it a great birthday. Tell him your expectations ahead of time.

He has left your family. Daddies should not leave families. He is involved with another woman. Husbands should not be involved with other women. Mommies should not accept this behavior. He's not just traveling, he has actively betrayed his family. He's not just moving to another country to work, he is breaking up your family.

Be a good, strong role model for your daughters. WH's life is a sham. How long before the millionairess moves on to someone else?

Maybe he and my WH can sit next to each other at the old folks home where none of their children visit.

Inevitably, the thing he and OW will fall apart. No one knows how long that will be.

My suggestion would be Plan A, with a healthy dose of reality about his relationship with you and the family going forward--discuss child support, visitation, etc. Let him know what the world is going to be like.

I say plan to be yourself and don't take too much notice of him. Be civil like you would any other visitor, show him that you are fine without him and that you have moved on. He may become interested in you and be confused about what he wants, or he may just want to get back to the rich tart. Either way, "you" are all you can rely on, so don't wait around. If he decides he wants you later, he can ask you what you think when the time comes. Right now, he doesn't, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I agree with grapegirl, make sure everyone knows.

I don't know how to tell the kids, that is a hard one and wish I knew myself. They probably know more than they can verbalise anyway, kids are not as silly as they look.

We BS's however..........

I really appreciate the replies.

Grapegirl, you are so right and trust me everyone does know exactly what is going on. I have been starting to talk to the girls myself as well so that he cannot put a happy "I am just going to be travelling more and I will visit you often" speech to them.

It is extraordinary how he can abandon his family like this. I have made sure that the birthdays are held on the girls birthdays, he will be arriving one day later. They will be great parties.

Your last comment was funny. They will both be alone at the old peoples home and you are right their children won't visit them.

Jimmy Mac I have been letting him know what the real world will be about, that is when he gets irritated because I pour water on his fantasy life.

Getting there, great advice and I know my kids know more than what I have told them and I know that they will be fine because they have a great mum who is a great role model for them. That much I do know about myself.

Thanks for putting it all into perspective for me .......sometimes I think I am losing my mind.