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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 456
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[color:"green"] DO know what your "NO-GO" traits are in a potential mate and DO NOT COMPROMISE THEM. Do so at your own peril. [/color] I e-mailed and talked with someone on Match for a few weeks...she really seemed nice, but the "excessive boozing" bell went off and I ended it nicely. Discuss! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
43yr old FWH who has rediscovered morality
Divorced: 03 February 2006
XW: My threads say it all
"Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life..."
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,998
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I agree totally...
Before you begin dating, consider the following:
*What constitutes a deal breaker for me?
*What traits can I tolerate?
*What traits can I NOT tolerate?
Once you've decided on these, it's easy to find someone that you're compatible with. I don't believe in giving people "chances"....
Good for you--you identified a "no go" and followed through...
Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!
I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....
I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
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Being a walk away wife who didn't try any counselling or anything to save her marriage is a no-go for me. If she gave up on one husband, who is to say she won't just give up instead of doing the work of marriage building.
It would take an extraordinary amount of convincing to make me seriously consider marrying a formerly wayward wife, since my wife left and had an affair.
Too many buttons. I do believe people can learn. The question is will they or did they.
T
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,998
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Enlightened--this would be a red flag for me, too....BUT, I'd have to know some facts about the marriage. If by some stretch of the imagination, I had found a man who was in the same situation as I was in my former marriage (homosexuality on spouse's part) I wouldn't fault the man for walking.
Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!
I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....
I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228
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Posts: 228 |
Wow, I have such a long list of deal breakers!
When I was on Match.com I usually did not have a match. The respond I got was something along the line of "we don't have a match for you at this time but don't let that stop you."
I never did meet anyone from Match but God did send this wonderful man who fits the bill.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,868
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My dealbreaker was always a man with kids who was interested in dating me long distance. If he was willing to move away from his kids to be with me, then I knew one day he'd be willing to leave me, too.
Smokers were a no-go, too. I have allergies. Three men actually gave up smoking, two for good, so they could go out with me.
Burned-out W, 41, ENFJ married to INTJ. Blender family of 7 years w/3 teens. H has been injured/ill and in college for 6 years. Co-parenting for 11 years w/XWH who married A #4 of 5.
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