Yes, I'm the WH. Commence beatings now- perhaps it will help clear the fog. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

We are doing all the right things (I think). MC, IC, NC all in place. We both love each other very much and do not want to throw away our 25+ y M. I see the dr. tomorrow for STD tests and ADs. I hope they help clear my head & heart. I can't begin to imagine the heartache I have put her thru, but I know how bad my heart hurts right now.

Ws' birthday is today, and I want to make it the best possible for her, surrounding her with friends & family. I have never met anyone so strong - she has been carrying me since it all blew up, as I am a complete wreck. I have no idea what God has in store for her, but it must be powerful, for she has been an absolute tower of strength in this.

I'm so afraid she will fall apart soon if I do not get better. How soon will my mind, heart, concentration, dedication, sleep, etc. return?

Living moment to moment right now...
RM

Rain, if you are starting AD's expect 3-6 weeks for them to really be effective. Don't give up on them too soon if you feel really tired, that does wear off eventually.

That time frame was confirmed by a pharmacist friend as well for the SSRIs. Start all over again if one doesn't work, or the dosage is wrong. Yuck. I actually got thru a song I heard on the radio yesterday (previous pain point) and I didn't have a complete meltdown.

Ws birthday went wonderfully- lots of friends & family surrounding her. My dinner came together at the right time, and everyone loved it. This was a miracle for me- especially in this state. She had plenty of love and laughter for her special day.

Tonight she goes away for a weekend retreat that she does each year. We are both concerned about the time away from each other right now, and I will be calling her several times a day until her return. One or the Harley books talked about how each contact starts the healing all over- and I don't want that. I am resolved to NC for that reason above all others. Pain avoidance is a good motivator right now, and I intend to immerse myself in the kids this weekend.

Rain,

May I ask you... did you ever treat your W harshly and disrespectfully during your A? My H was so very mean to me for the duration, it seems after he told me and came clean, he changed.

Do you think he hated me or hated hurting me ?

I am praying for you.

Eibrab

PS the bio at the bottom is due to the postings on the pregnancy discussion, not sure how to turn them off..

Good plan and even though weekends are slow on MB if you are tempted by C then post, post, post. I am usually around and there is always someone on GQ2.