As most fo you, the OC in my life is almost 5 months old.

We have NC, supposedly, but carry this child on my H's health insurance due to the insistance of her H, who took her back and is raising the child as his own.

Now, the Ow and her H have a severly handicapped 6 year old girl. OW's H told me that she was ordered to never have another child and that it would be impossible to have a healthy one. He kept yelling at me that my H had better have good insurance.

OW's H and I don't communicate anymore..seemingly his choice.

I have never heard a word about this child, other than the day it was born my H called the hospital, talked to OW and bragged to me that he was able to produce a healthy child with her... dumba**..

NOW...we have received "Explainations of Benefits" from the insurance company for vaccinations and such. I know when the child was born he spent 4 days in Neo-natal ICU. Today, I opened a EOB from the insurance company for a decent sum of money just dated 9/1/2005, and said medical services.

I played detective. I am not on this policy, but I got a rep to talk at the company. The rep only had codes, and said that the charge was for the entire month of September, looks as if one visit a week or so for "Therapy".

This OC is not quite 5 months old.

It's not healthy, is it?

Anybody have a clue ? I didn't show my H... I will, I didn't ask him, because if he knows anything, I will shoot him.

Literally. Either it's NC or it's C... NOT BOTH, know what I mean?

Help... anybody have a clue ? I believe her daughter has cerebral palsy.

Ugh,

Eibrab


With H 19 years, me 36, H 44
2 children 13, 9
Seperated briefly
A during reconciliation 10/03 - 6/04
relapse 9/04
Told about OC 3/05
OC born 5/05
NC and suffering, but trying

Are you paying the medical bills or is is split between OW and your H? The OC's medical status isn't really any of your business if you want NC. Just as you stated, you can't have both. If you have financial concerns, then you get the finanical aspect with your EOB's- but you're not entitled to a medical history.
Ironic (or should I say hypocritical) that a bunch of BW's were just posting on a thread about refusing to hand over their H's medical info, yet a BW is entitled to OC's medical record for some reason?

There are ways to find out what's going on, my sister is a doctor and I know how confidential records can be obtained- but I'd rather not share that info (Especially to someone who is nosey about the baby's medical problem but wants nothing to do with it's life).

Eibrab,
When NC is JUST to protect your own family from a STOW (stereotypical OW) I can understand why you would want to know the health of the baby. It is so sad that the babies get stuck with the pain & grief of married adults' poor decisions.

Refresh my memory, it was LEGAL channels that the OC was put on your H's insurance, right?

NTL

Cheerful

You should have read that NC is BY the OW and HER H's decision.

It is forced upon me. I am allowed to be concerned.

This knowledge affects me whether you think it does or not.

I'm not looking to be "nosey". I just want the truth spoken.

Eibrab

No. no legalities were ever handled. It was by HER h's orders, at birth and agreed upon before birth. OW and her H have a handicapped child already.

I suppose this was a wash for them not asking for CS? AGAIN, as cheerful noted...I'm not allowed to know :-(

Thanks,

Eibrab

I guess just thinking again that if the insurance company KNEW that your H was not the legal father on the birth certificate they would not allow him to cover the child...?

You did do DNA right?

Okay I've got a couple of other questions for you if you don't mind.

First and foremost is you did get DNA. I think you may have answered this one else where here, but not sure. Sorry for asking again.

Would you guys want contact if it was feesable?

I also read elsewhere that her other child has CP? Are you thinking this baby may have it?

If you find out she does have CP, would that make you WANT to have contact more so if she (a girl I'm assuming?) did not? Or the other way around?

Regardless I feel bad for this little girl she is so young and to have to deal with this. I don't know that much about CP, but I know it's not good.

Thank you for answering these questions.

Cheerful, what is it exactly that you get out of making your acerbic, vicious little comments. What support are you offering in this forum? What exactly is your contribution?

Does it make you feel all big and important to take a swipe at a BW. Are you somehow working out your bitterness at the BW in your situation cause the MM dumped your sorry [censored] like a hot rock. If so, might i suggest that counselling might be a more effective option.

you comments are neither wanted or needed and your continued presence on this board while you maintian this attitude is inappropriate at best.

Now please go and get a freaking life.

I did call the health insurance company myself. I've been told SO many lies at the beginning and who knows where else.

The Health insurance company - a major one- said that anyone could be added to anyone's policy, as long as the premium is paid. Honest. Shocked me, too. They did not want nor ask for the DNA results, which were done.

You know, honestly. I don't have a clue as to WHY the DNA was done at all. Seems like the wrong thing for them, if you ask me... other then the H of the OW knew all along this OC would be unhealthy.

I'm not trying to be nosey, ladies. Really. This affects me to a huge degree. This woman was told to never have any more children. The problems are all her's.. In the heat of all of this, when her H and I found out, that was our argument.

These idiots, My H and the OW, stood fast and said that their baby would be healthy. My H would be the best father he could be, take out more life insurance, we'd (com and I be a part of this) and my H even had the audacity (sp?) to say...well, this child has a different father - it will be healthy coming from me...

I'm sure you all know how much that hurt.

And NOW, when I stay by his side, and he seems to be a changed man, she goes back to her H and says NC, but you all have to provide the health insurance.

I'd rather pay CS and have a say, if I'm going to get EOB's the rest of my life.

And, truthfully, if this woman brought this OC into the world which has caused so much heartache and pain and it is NOT healthy... then I'd like to see her suffer. That's the truth. She is a stupid, selfish woman.

FYI, she has an 8 year old son, who had problems himself, a severly handicapped 6 year old daughter and now possibly this. Anybody think her poor son is the biggest victim here ?

I don't think I deserved that comment, either... I'll bet Cheerful kicks puppies, too.


I am grateful for this board :-)

Eibrab

Marysway..

C has never been an option afforded to me. That decision was made without me, and probably because of me. The OW has always hated me. Always. She'd never let me near her child, I am sure. I am certain that I am a main reason for NC, though H didn't blame me. He said it was her H's decision.

What kind of life will this child have if it is handicapped? A loony mother already consumed by a child with needs, her poor son.. I just don't know how I feel.

Bitter, I suppose I am..angry, I know I am..but I still am looking for knowledge.

Maybe washing my hands of it all and not caring is the way to go.

And, you know...no one has seen this baby... no one.. and it's a small town.

Thanks for caring...really.

Eibrab

Eirab - don't listen to CLO, she is bitter because the MM and BW in her situation dropped her like yesterdays news and they don't give a rat's pa-tooty as to how her kid is doing.

As long as you guys are paying for the insurance, I say do all the digging you want. She (the OW) invited it by sleeping with your H and producing a child. If she wanted her privacy, she should have kept her legs shut. Period, end of story.

One thing that worries me, you guys have been very accomodating by letting them put the OC on your insurance and basically leaving them alone. Are you sure they won't come (or maybe just OW) after you for back child support at some time? This might have already been covered, sorry if it has.

I was told, and I hope correctly, that she could not come after us for back CS, as her H is willingly listed on the BC, and it shows good faith, although stupidity - words of an attorney - that we carry the health insurance. I know carrying the insurance is a way of "sticking it to my H" without giving him any rights. I am not advocating that he not get "stuck"..he did this, as well.

Honestly, my H is a very powerful personality that takes no gruff from anyone, nor is he very giving. I don't know why he carries the health insurance. Guilt perhaps? Maybe this will make him look like less of a schmuck to the small town folks who knew what went on ?

Who knows. I'm just sick to think of her bringing another child with these problems into the world, knowingly. I simply want to know the truth.. I'll keep digging for info.

I haven't asked my H about this yet. Conversations regarding this issue never go well, and things are beyond good anymore - except for the fact that he has no idea how much I suffer on a daily basis for what he and OW put and are putting me through.

Thank you for the kind comment in your last paragraph. I hope someone somewhere sees the good. I really don't yet.

Blessings,

Eibrab

You're very welcome E - I hate to see you feeling attacked on here for having very normal emotional responses to something. Saying you have no right to know what is going on with the child health wise when you are paying for the insurance and it is after all your H's child seems idiotic to me.

I do think you are being very accomodating to the OW and her H. Technically, your H has equal rights to this child since DNA has been established. If you guys wanted to, you could decide to have everything above board, pay child support and get visitation. Most (not all) OW hate this because they only want to think of playing house with your H. They don't like to envision the evil BW as a step-mom to their child. It's a typical STOW's tactic.

Try to keep your chin up and live life in a way that is most healthy for you. At this point, it might be better to forget they exist. I'm sure that is easier said than done though...

I was asking these questions as you just seem so confussed over it all.

I don't think it was fair for your husband to not even consult you. But as you said he is probaly protecting you. I do believe in father's right and maybe it's time you have some heart to heart's with your husband. I mean Just tell him how you feel about being left out of the decissions and all.

One thing I do know is if your husband is paying health insurance he has rights.

If you want nc that is your decission but if your unsure and so is he, talk to him. Your husband is the bio father and has rights which btw includes you regardless of if she likes it or not. As lynng always says we all have to take a piece of the pie.

I really don't think that you can extrapolate anything from that explanation of benefits statement. These things are too vague, and there is no way you could determine if the baby is "healthy" or "sick" from that statement.

Of more dire concern is your WH's obvious "denial" of the situation here. I almost get the feeling he is "playing nice" here by paying this insurance premium as almost "hush money" to stay out of this....that is all well and good, but you and him better do everything by the book....you and him can get burned here....I get the real sense that your WH still calls all of the shots here, and you play along to "not rock the boat"...Am I right?

You seem like a very unhappy woman...perhaps I am wrong? I hope?

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem..

ugh... I think you make a ton of sense.

I will share that the OC was in neo-natal ICU for four days when it was born. I do feel there is a problem in my gut. I will be patient and pursue information.

I'd be inclined to think you know my H with your statements about him calling the shots and hush money - good way to put it. I am not advocating him not having to pay, hurting him financially sometimes is the only place he will feel it. I read on another post where someone referred to having to pay CS or other is the same as a monthly reminder to "keep it in your pants".

H really is a different person. He treats entirely differently. I should be happy. I act happy... I hope happy comes.


What did you mean or even think of when you stated we " could get burned". My H thinks he is invincible, though I see changes in him.

I appreciate your input here.

Blessings,

Eibrab

Oh so you guys have not done DNA yet? WOW I figured that was all done. Your right, he is paying insurance without any rights. I don't think that is right. What would it take for your husband to ask for Dna would he do it?

NO, no... DNA was done. Immediately at birth.. what I stated or meant, was I don't know why.. It seems to me, that OW and her H have more to fear by having the DNA results than not.

The only thing different would be carrying the child on their insurance.. The OW's H has a great job, it really does seem stupid if they wish for NC, but as I stated, I think it is a way of sticking it to my H without giving him and rights, and as Lemonman typed..."hush money".

At one point, I thought I was told OW's H demanded the DNA, but don't really recall. I know my H paid for it.

I hate this all.... I'm so glad for people who have a moment to type here. You all keep alot of people strong.

You want to know a silly thing ? All of you folks here and on another board are the only ones who know what I feel... I do play the part of acting happy and going along with whatever doesn't rock the boat. The few times I've tried to rock it, I was severly reprimanded.

Again, thank you.

Eibrab

Well, first of all, I would just make sure that the insurance is being paid and the premium is being paid on a child that is NOT legally deemed your WH. If this insurance is through his work and he has it attached as a dependent, this is fraud. I am not sure of the particulars here, but you are right, anyone can pay for any insuarance they want....BUT, if this is through work and is extended to him as a "beneift" than this is a whole different story all together.

I would get DNA (if not done), decide if you want C/NC, and get this ALL ON THE RECORD....you don't want to take any chances of this OW/H coming after you down the line looking for money or any other issues.

Geting this taken care of legally and with the help of a professional is always the right call. If this child is NOT your WH, then I don't see why he is paying for insurance. If this child is HIS, then he should either be paying CS and for 1/2 medical...OR NOTHING. You are doing things "half A$$ed" here and this is a sure fire way to get burned. You should either do everything ABOVE board with legal assistance, or DO nothing.....when you play the "middle" games, you eventually get burned.

Just my .02.

I dont have an OC and have no experience in any way, shaoe, or form with this stuff...I am just giving an unbiased opinion....take it any way you like.

Goodluck and God bless.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Quoted from Eibrab

"I did call the health insurance company myself. I've been told SO many lies at the beginning and who knows where else.

The Health insurance company - a major one- said that anyone could be added to anyone's policy, as long as the premium is paid. Honest. Shocked me, too. They did not want nor ask for the DNA results, which were done.

You know, honestly. I don't have a clue as to WHY the DNA was done at all. Seems like the wrong thing for them, if you ask me... other then the H of the OW knew all along this OC would be unhealthy."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The fact DNA was established and your H is paying for the insurance is what is making me a tad nervous. I don't have an extreme amount of faith in the court system due to a matter I was involved in (not related to child support). I found out even though we had signed notarized documents they could be discredited in court. Sometimes you never know how the judge will see things, or the jury if it goes that far. I found there is no black and white, only gray.

If you ever get wind that there is even a chance the OW will file for CS you need to get a lawyer and file first or else you can kiss money for your kids good bye. I wish LynnG was around, she's good at this stuff. If you get a legal separation and file first, she will get a much smaller amount of CS than you. If she files first, she will get a bigger chunk, they don't care one bit about the children of the M. It's a sad sad fact.

Lemonman is also on to something, I wanted to say the same thing but didn't know how to word it. Remember your happiness is important, don't put yourself last forever. You will only become more and more depressed. Talk to your H, if he won't address your concerns, you need to seriously consider the state of your M.

(Hugs to you sweetie) you have a lot to think about.