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Well--I dont post here much but maybe some of you can help. Wife filed for Divorce today. I am crushed. I have cried and cried. We have two great kids together and I have one step-daughter from her prior marriage. She has given up and says that she cant respect me as a husband for the affair. I say that respect is earned and I would do anything to EARN it. I have all but given completely up. I am at my lowest point in months. No where to turn. Help?
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drpeppertx, don't give up; it's not over yet. Hang in there and do your best to rebuild trust and meet her needs as best you can. She may very well come around once her anger blows over. So sorry this is happening to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hang in there. Lots of women change their minds. Keep working on a good Plan A.
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Joined: Aug 2005
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I agree with melody. My H filed the first week in August because of my A. While I can't say that my H has done a complete 180, I can at least say that he sitting on the fence. He isn't quite ready to jump into reconciliation, but he isn't ready jump into a D either.
Keep posting. There are lot of people on this forum with a lot of experience and a lot of knowledge who can give great advice.
Me, the WS, 25
My H, the BS, 25
Married Sept 2003
Served with D papers Aug 2005, but still hoping to make it work
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
--Maya Angelou
Proud of the woman that I have become, not the events that made me become that woman.
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Well We have been trying for three months. She says that she loves me but cant be married to a man that she cant respect. We went to therapy three times and it didnt seem to help. Now she has filed and wants me out. I have really given up. I know my wife loves me but cant seem to get past the affair. She always told me never to do this to her and what did I do? I went off and did it. Now I am paying the price for it. Prayers for me and my children.
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Question ... what is the harm in not giving up? If you fight for you M and she still ends up going through with the D, have you lost anything? But think of all you could gain if you fought for the M and she was able to gain respect through your actions.
Me, the WS, 25
My H, the BS, 25
Married Sept 2003
Served with D papers Aug 2005, but still hoping to make it work
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
--Maya Angelou
Proud of the woman that I have become, not the events that made me become that woman.
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Tell me then how to fight. I have been in therapy since June when we first seperated. We were seperated for 6 weeks. I then moved back in on July 17. Now three months have past, I have continued counseling and she is done. What else can I do. I love her with all of my heart and don't know what else to do.
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I have begged her to continue to fight for us, and our children. She says she just cant. We have 17 years of history, as high school sweethearts. Then we went to college, both married others, she had a daughter, and then we were both divorced and married each other. We have gone through so much together.
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drpeppertx, you continue doing things to rebuild trust and do your best to meet her needs. And then hope that time will heal her anger. Thats all you can do.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am just so devestated! Hurt that we cant continue rebuilding. She says there is nothing left to re-build! I want to meet her needs but she isn't allowing me that.
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DP...I am a WS just like you. I know how you feel. I wanted so desperately to meet my H's needs, and he wouldn't let me either. But I never gave up. And I hope one day to be a success story. I will keep trying until I am.
I know that guys were trying to rebuild for three months, but it takes a lot longer to than that to get to a place where you can feel confident in your R. Right now, your W may be feeling very despondent and hurt ... like she has nothing left to give. But with God, all things are possible. Including a renewed spirit in your W.
It has taken a lot for me to understand that my H has the right to D me if he wants to. But I also that God will bless us in amazing ways if he doesn't. And that is what I hold on to.
Me, the WS, 25
My H, the BS, 25
Married Sept 2003
Served with D papers Aug 2005, but still hoping to make it work
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
--Maya Angelou
Proud of the woman that I have become, not the events that made me become that woman.
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drpeppertx, she is also very hurt, and very angry. Remember, she didn't volunteer for this. But, she will get over her anger eventually. Just calm down and stick to your plan. We have seen couples who actually divorced over an affair end up back together so don't give up.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks all for your concern. It is good to hear that other women can make the same mistakes that I have. i KNOW THAT SHE HAS every RIGHT to divorce me, i just cant believe that she really wants to with all of the history. I begged for her to start counseling with me every week and our finances got in the way of that. I appreciate all of your concern. I am moving out tomorrow and Saturday to give her what she wants. Trying to find a steady job, I am self-employed. Right now I just want to protect my kids from all of this and help them get through it.
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drpeppertx, I wouldn't move out if I were you. Your chances of working on the marriage are greatly diminished if you do that. Just because she has started divorce proceedings doesn't mean she will follow through. This is far from over, so don't be so anxious to throw in the towel. You ARE still married, after all.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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DP,
There was a time when my H really wanted to D me and we have quite the history as well. But I gave it time and tried to be patient, and now he isn't in the same place he was two months ago.
I think it is a good idea to give your W space if she asks for it. But what you need to do now is continue to work on yourself. Make yourself the kind of man she wouldd want. I would suggest counseling with Jennifer C., even if it is just for a few phone calls. She did wonders for me.
Let your W see that you are working on you, and she will be able to gain respect for that and hopefully that may turn into respect for you.
On a completely random side note ... I couldn't help but notice your name. I am a native Texan who went to Baylor ... land of DP. Where in Texas are you from?
Me, the WS, 25
My H, the BS, 25
Married Sept 2003
Served with D papers Aug 2005, but still hoping to make it work
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
--Maya Angelou
Proud of the woman that I have become, not the events that made me become that woman.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 24
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I am currently in the Dallas area. I collect Dr. Pepper so hence the name.
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I grew up in Plano <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Me, the WS, 25
My H, the BS, 25
Married Sept 2003
Served with D papers Aug 2005, but still hoping to make it work
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
--Maya Angelou
Proud of the woman that I have become, not the events that made me become that woman.
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Posts: 5,575
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she is at around the three month mark....sounds like acceptance is hitting her. hit me too around the same time....its hard to accept all that has been thrust on you as a bs...none of it asked for....she may be going through that right now. continue to be steady in what you are doing...dont waver.
a question for you---you guys couldnt do MC because of funds? but you now have the money to support two households by moving out? what am i missing? is that second job to finance the move out? maybe you should have gotten the second job to finance the mc.
what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
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