I am thinking of leaving this letter for my husband incase he returns home before I get home from work

I would like you to know that I am sorry that you have not been happy over the past 7 years. I am sorry that I hurt you I did not know I was doing it. If I could go back and time and change things I would. It was my intention to be the best wife I could be. I was focusing on the wrong things and did not realize it. You told me over and over again Dawn I need you to show me more affection, but I did not understand. I thought I was showing you that I loved you by cleaning the house, paying the bills, being home every night etc. I know now that that is not the case. I am sorry for all the Sundays I had a bad attitude because I felt I had too much work to do. I know this was miserable for you. I am sorry for all the nights you would say "it's another happy night in the Duncan household" I wish I had rolled up on you, and kissed you. I am sorry I did not take you up on every chance to meet for lunch, and I am sorry that when you pinched me in the car I did give you more attention. I commend you for sticking in the relationship for as long as you have.

I want you to know that I am not a cold person. I have learned that because of my shy personality I come across as cold and stuck up. Really that is not the case. People who are not shy do not understand this because they can not relate to how we feel. Shy people are so concerned with what other people think of them that they do not take the time to think of others. Now that I understand this, I can start to overcome my shyness and stop being unsociable. Its going to take time but the more practice I get at doing things that are uncomfortable socially the better I will be. Its going to take time and hard work to bring her out but deep down inside there is girl who is a social butterfly.


I want you to know that I told everyone of the affair because I wanted to save our marriage. I would go to any length to save our marriage. I truly believe that if we were able to get passed this affair we could have such a good marriage. It will require alot of giving for both of us. I would be giving you the love and affection you have been giving me the past 7 years, but you would give me no contact with your lover.

I am not a warden, and I will not keep you in this marriage if this is not what you want.

M 26
H 28
DD 6 yrs old
Married 8 yrs in Jan
D day 3 Sept 05
PLan A 21 Sept 05

Duncad -

I am no expert, but just wanted to say that your story sounds familiar. I too am quite shy & thought I was showing my love to my H by doing the same things you did....If we could only go back in time. I also pushed my H away...

I am not so sure about the letter.....It is good, but it is slightly Plan B'ish. I wrote letters like that too and was advised not to give them to WH. Just continue to Plan A as hard as you can and SHOW WH how you are changing....

I will defer to the experts here who will hopefully respond to your post....

Take care,

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05 one phone call setback......

Whooo, September 05 was d-day? It's really kinda soon for you to be making these types of promises. Are you ok?

Im afraid you may not be able to hold on to these promises your making just yet. Honestly, have you kicked and screamed and got it all out yet? I remember thinking the same thing immediately after my H affair. I jumped into how I thought I need to make him feel. I had no idea of the emotional roller coaster infidelity was getting ready to take me on. Let me tell ya > Im a true hearted christian woman striving to live everyday by the book; but I called him every name but a child of God (no cursing). Everything I felt came out and it wasn't until after some months that it really sunk in what he had put me through. Give yourself sometime to vent first; it's good for the soul but also take into consideration that he don't need hear everything your venting about. What worked for me was getting alone and just crying and throwing my own little tantrum. But the first and most important thing {and what was also told to me by my big sister} was sometime to take care of me 'some me time'. I went out of town, got a room alone even though he didn't want me to. It wasn't about him. If this marriage was going to work as it so far is, it had to be done. Just make sure you give yourself time first. And regardless of what attention and affection you didnt give earlier in your M;the A is not justified; that was just part of his own selfishness.

And after more time when you feel your ready; instead of writing him a letter express it verbally and from the heart. Be sure to read Dr. Harley's "HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS" because it touches on affection, attention, etc. but even he say's an A isnt justification.

Hope all goes well for you

Kenda
Married 10yrs/1kid