My WH had an ongoing affair surface sometime ago; and the ow deeply expressed her love for him to me. Anyway we got past it somehow and are in recovery. The problem is that every few weeks are so the ow contacts me either at work or via email. She's not really talking about anything but I get the impression she's trying to rub it in or trying to make me believe that somethings still going on but due to the fact that I never really talked long enough to push the issue with her I dont know and dont care to know what her motive is; all she say's is that she loves him. I dont believe that they are still seeing one another any more because she would have said it or made reference to it and as hurt as she was behind there break up I dont feel she would hide it because she expressed wanting a serious relationship with him such as marriage. I really don't know what to make from this.He tells me I should press charges on her. I also believe she has followed me a few times. Any views or experience with this sort of thing out there ?


Kenda
Married 10yrs/1kid

Well, what do you know - a FWH who gets it! You should tell her that you and your husband are very happy, and she must stop contacting you. If she continues, get a restraining order.

kenda, I would get a restraining order against her. She sounds like wacko and I would be very concerned. Do you respond to her when she contacts you?

Ive responded once or twice via email; earlier when I was still trying to handle the situation. Lately Ive just been ignoring them and collecting them for the PD. It's all kinda strange to me

kenda,
Some of them do this. Our xOW was like that for the longest time.

At first it caused me doubts, wondering if H had broken NC.

Then, it became an issue, and we fought about it. Because he begged me to change the home phone number, and I was a [email]dumb@ss[/email] and didn't.

Then, months would go by, and she'd stop for awhile.

Then, a few months would pass, and up she'd pop again.

She was like a bad penny.

When H and I chose recovery, and he ended the A, with the NC speech, he changed his cellphone number and pager number the same day. She had no way to contact him directly, so her next best thing was me. Lucky lucky ME.

It took her ...oh about a year to totally disappear. We haven't heard anything now since around Mayish? Huh...right around my H birthday, I didn't realize that until just now.

It really used to rattle my cages.

Not anymore.

Ignore her.

Document.

Serve her if you need to.

Recover !!!

OW's think they own the WS. When the WS sheds his skin and returns as an Xws - H, the OW feels she has the right to make your life miserable.

OW in our case called me to tell me near our wedding anniversary that I was not married to H. OW said she was. By then I had found MB and learned to reverse babble quite well. I told her that I had a license for my marriage, where was her's. That shut her up for the time being but she kept trying to take what was not her's. Bad enough she had his balls in her bed, the nut wanted my id. Nope that belonged to me. She could have the Ws but not me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So document what you have and go to the police. Start a record or case file on her. Report each incident. Then when you have enough evidence, file an RO.

JMHO,
L.

Can't you block her E-Mails? Report her calls as harassment to security in your office?

Stop her from staining your life with her EVILNESS.

It probably negatively affects you more than you know.

Also beware the cleansing of the soul routine. Often the OW decides WS doesn't just get to disappear from their lives and return to the M.

They pull the... "we need to talk, I want to tell you the real truth, you deserve better, he's lying to you"

I nearly fell for that one.

Don't do it.

She's rejected and scorned. She's not your concern.

Hang in there.

The cleansing of the " soul"...if they really have one...is purely self serving.

On the night I received a call from FV...turns out she was just throwing a temper tantrum at my then H...they were shacked up...she was already pregnant...and he obviously was not wanting that...as he was constantly leaving their affair nest...

He'd go out, and when my son was visiting him (I tried like HEck to get the courts to have him stop...was written in sep agreement that no visitors of opposite sex overnight...and that would be ow!)but I couldn't. He'd leave (I knew nothing about this) and leave ow with my son and her little boy. She was feeling...well LIKE ME!

In retrospect, I believe she called me and informed me of all my wh was doing b/c SHE WAS FEARFUL HE WAS RETURNING TO ME. After all, if he wasn't home with her...WHERE COULD A LEGALLY MARRIED MAN GO?

Plus she was all about nailing the coffin shut.

She has done the soul cleansing song and dance several more times since...most recently this summer.

Now she was all about "I feel your pain" and "I suppose I caused all this on myself because of what I did to you".

I just do not return a call from her....delete the many many "friendly" emails she sends me..usually stupid forwards which clog up my in box...

I parent only with my xh.

An ow has to work hard to get a man away from his family. They sure do.

And remember...to US, the OP is the enemy...

To the OP WE ARE THE ENEMY.

There is no shade of grey.

It is self serving...any attempt at contact. If they want to tell you it's over...don't buy it.

Your partner will tell you and they will rebuild your M.

Nothing an OP says is credible imho...just either directly or passively filled with venom.