till today, ww is still move between me and this op.
I have talked with ww about NC, however she is afraid to do so.

The reason that she is afraid to do is : she does not think i will forgive her and accept herafter she sent the NC letter. What should i do?

Now she is looking for safty from both sides, from me and from this op at the same time.

She thought if in the end i leave her, she could at least reply on this op.

Any suggestion, what should i do now?

pine,

are you in plan A...
how long
have you exposed

you should change your language......
you should state your boundaries
you should speak to her of what her actions create her to be........

say things lovingly

what would happen if you said things like

dear wife....it hurts me to see you in such conflict....
I have grave concerns about the destruction this brings in to your life............

the peace you seek
the confidence you seek
the ability to be loved for you....

are all things that I desire deeply for you.........

the path you are going down is the exact thing that blocks you from being all the things that I value about you.....

Your actions of involving two people in your life to use them only to fill yourself is futile.......

and it is difficult for me to watch........

I believe in you and your ability to do what is right more than you believe in yourself ..........

I believe in your ability to be an honest person
I believe in your ability to trust me enough to trust you.

tell her it hurts you to see her in so much pain...

what would she say if your told her things with hope and not the easily slipped in to I am so bad no one can forgive me.......??

do you have plans for plan B in your pocket.....

ARK

Thank you Ark.

I have plan a her for about 2 months, but i have LB during the middle of my plan A twice, which make her unable to believe that i will really change for her. I am also sorry about it.

She think what i m in plan a is only tempory. she has great doubt that i will forgive her and she is also so afraid that i will leave her even she writen NC letter to this op.
Because at this time, she can not trust me and she can not trust this op either.

from her eyes, i can see she is so afraid of me, that is main reason why she now keep this op at her side, her thinking is if I leave her in the end, she at least has another man there for her.

I do not know how long plan a i should do? her love bank is almost empty before her affair, which i have to admit.

i m quite sure if i plan b, she will definitely think i will leave her so she will fall on this op for sure.

i hope someone give me a suggestion, what i should do next!

She isn't afraid of you or your changes..... she knows why you are making improvements in your life. What she is really afraid of is losing her A options.

How much longer do you think you need to work on your changes? If you are pretty much done and she is still on the fence, think about plan B.

Do as Ark recommended and id your boundaries. This includes a plan to implement them, even if it leads to D. Be prepared at the very least.

Know the WS will try to push your buttons. In time that will pizz you off.....till then you will keep trying to win her over but realize the one you are working with is not your W but a WS (whose actions are quite alien to you, right?). Don't try to win the WS back. You don't want a WS in your M. You want your W back.

When the WS babbles and tries to give you her guilt, learn to recognize it and give it back.

What's the chances of you getting some phone counseling time with Jennifer from MB?

L.

i believe ww do not trust both me and this op, she thought this op contacted her with an aim although she really loves him.

however this op would like to put himself a secure place to urge her to marry him, but ww is afraid after marrying him, her happiness will lose since she thought this op just using her.

At the same time, she also do not trust me, she clearly indicate she do not believe i will forgive her even she will have written NC letter to this op.
So she would like to keep this situation, continuce moving between me and this op.

She is also trying to start quarell fight with me since i have told this op she has no plan to divorce me although i request her to do. which will let this op be upset with her .
She is angry with me about this. seems always try to start a quarrel fight with me, i simply just distance her on purpose.

now i think the water from this op is to boil , because he just can not wait longer .
if she can not resist the pressure from op and marry him, which is also not a easy decesion for her at the moment.
since i have tried my best to save my marriage. i m also ready for the divorce if she means that in the end.