Here is some background for those that have not followed my storry..

My h has been cheating on me approx 2 mos. He told me he had called it off but I know he was still in contact with her. While he was in Canada I exposed to his family and boss. He does not know that I have exposed to his boss yet.
He is on his way back from Canada, hadn't called me in 3 days, just called me and said he is on his way home, that he is very mad at me, but he loves me and is staying with me.

I was getting over him starting to like life without him, Now I really need to PLan A any words of advice?

Duncad

Tough situations end, but strong people last.

M 26
H 28
DD 6 yrs old
D day 3 Sept 05
Plan A 21 Sept 05
Married 7 yrs

Well.........I would just be sure that his saying that he is mad at you but loves you and is staying with you does not really mean "You better $hut the F up and stop making my personal life a living he** by telling people"....He could be trying to repent here because of the exposure, but history tells us that this isn't always the case right away.....They (Cheating spouses) usually try to continue to cheat and betray you after D-Day...Stay strong and DO NOT under any circumstances back down from continued exposure if/when you find more contact.

Goodjob on exposing the cheating husband.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Don't apologize for exposure. "I thought you would want to share the news with the people close to you."

EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE! Good job! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

duncad,

And most of all, YOU control the amount of contact with your WH. You may not feel like it but YOU are in control of the situation because YOU are the desirable partner not WH. WS's are a dime a dozen. Make sure he knows that the ball is in his court to make this up to you and not the other way around.

In short be civil BUT don't take any attempt that he will try to blame you for his wandering organ and most of all ...............

SHOW HIM YOU RESPECT YOURSELF.

I really don't know how easy that is to do in Plan A but any sign that you value your R more than he does makes you deal from a postion of inferiority. If he says the "I love you but am not in love with you etc. , politely agree with him.

When he says" We should never have gotten married", nod your head in agreement.

In short, don't let him go anywhere with his anger. Remember, anger is a sign of weakness not strength.

You have done very well. Don't throw your progress out the window in a mistaken attempt to "fix" this instantly.

Best of luck and you are in my prayers

Well, may be promising, or not. It all depends if he realizes that he can't ever again have any contact with the OW. If he balks on that, you know he is not that serious in repairing the marriage.

Well they still work together. Do you consider this contact? On Monday I will see what action his boss takes.

We has a pretty good weekend. A shower for his sister on Saturday, then we went to the neighbors house and hung out. On Sunday we took a ride on his Harley together and then took my son to the movies. Last night he started to act distant like he was annoyed when I tried to be affectionate with him. Is this withdrawl? Then when he was on the computer sending text messasges to her, as I suspected, I picked up his phone and just as I did he received a text message from her that said "goodbye, love ya". He denied it of course. I did not confront him with the fact that I knew he was text messaging her. I asked him if there was any area that I hadn't already improved on, as far as meeting his needs, that I needed to improve on and he said no. I ended the night tickling him in bed. I want the last thing he remembered to be happy.

He will find out this morning that I exposed his boss to he affair, his boss called him in for a meeting first thing this morning.

duncad, is there some reason why you are playing pretend and allowing him to carry on his affair right under your nose? Is it your goal to facilitate his affair? Because that is what you are doing.


Withdrawal from what? It is sure not withdrawal from his affair. He is being allowed to carry it on from the comfort of YOUR home right in front of you and your child.


Yes.

I confronted him on the text messages, and he will not agree to no contact, he said we still have work to do. Since I have cofronted him on the text messages and told him that I think he needs to have NC with OW in order for our marriage to survive I think he is considering leaving me for OW.

Just a gut feeling by the events that happened last night, she called me on my cell (the call was lost), he came home late and hugged me really tight, and is now sounding depressed this morning

Dear Tryingtogetit,

I don't know your whole story. I am in a similar situation. I'm going to go into a long detail. My husband too works with the OW (his secretary). I told him to either find another job or have her transfered. He refused to leave his job - told me if I exposed him he would leave me. He would never stay with me if I embarrassed him, etc. How's that?? I tried talking to people higher up - they won't give me any info on her transfer - company policy - secrecy.

At this point, I think he is not involved with her anymore, but she's still there. He started the process of having her transfered. I don't know when it will happen or if it will.

Very hard for me to handle him working with her every day. I get visions of them being together, etc. Very hurtfull, etc., every day for me. I want to believe everything he says, but it's very hard. I don't want to do something that will make him leave.

Today is her last day. I am pretty sure he was out drinking with her last night. Wonder if she was drinking also. She claims she is pregnant but when it was time for her to go to the doctors to show my H offical results she said there was an OB emergency and they has to reschedule her. I don't buy it.

I confronted H about text messages yesterday and told him I felt that he needed to cut off all contact with her in order for our marriage to survive. His response was we still have work to do. After being with her last night, I think he is thinkng of leaving me for OW. Last night OW called me but the call was lost, then he came home and held me really tight, didn't say anything no kisses, when I talked to him this morning and asked whats wrong he said you know.

Not sure what to do at this point.

Tryingtogetit,

I'm not sure of what's going to happen in my marriage, but I do know that the OW will try anything to make the cheating husband feel guilty. She will say how he "did her wrong", didn't mean anything he said, didn't care about her after all she did for him - yeah sure! She'll even say she's pregnant - she'll even pretend to be pregnant. I'd definitely get documention on that - then deal with it.

You don't know where he goes out at night? It seems you don't know a lot of stuff he's doing and just letting him get away with it. I'd be snooping and following his butt all over the place.

The OW is having her last day? What happens after that? Will he ever see her? Contact her? Like I said, I really don't know your circumstance.

It sounds like you're like me. I too want to love, hug, cuddle and sleep with my husband. I soooo much want him to love me and just be honest with me- but all the other issues are still going thru my head.

I know it's killing me to have my husband still working with the OW. Trying so hard to believe him. I'm trying to wait things out.