Hi all,

I finally got up the nerve to expose the affair to my in-laws. I've already exposed to OMW, but I don't think WW knows. Does anyone have anything especially wise to say to my wife when she calls me with the "Why have you done this to me?" / "Why are you messing with my life?" cries that I'm sure to hear from her?

My ILs are very supportive of our marriage. I guess there's a possibility that she will be angry and not call, but I want to be sure that I'm prepared to respond in a calm manner to anything that she says. I think this a good thing that's happening tonight, but I'm still worried.

cute,

Yes, be prepared for the "blaming". But to answer your question....when she asks "How could you do this to me?"....a reasonable answer might be: "I might ask the same question." or to "babble back" like Orchid is so great at: "Yes, how COULD you do this to me?" But if you wish to go further....."Wife, I understand your desire for secrecy...it's one of the things that fuels this affair because quite obviously you wish to keep it hidden. That won't help our marriage. That won't help the affair end. And I won't help you to hurt me by being an unwitting accomplice in this subterfuge. You may "feel" like the victim at this moment because you don't like the people you love to know about your actions....but the truth is that you are the creator of this mess....not it's victim. I will take responsibility for any neglect or harm that I have contributed to the state of this marriage. But I will take no responsibility for your affair. There are ethical ways to deal with marriage problems....and an affair is never one of them. If you are ashamed for your parents or your lover's wife to know the truth....maybe that's a data point you might want to examine....because if you are ashamed of your actions....how righteous can they really be?"

Just some thoughts.

Good luck
Blessings
Prayers
Hugs

In a calm and loving tone say this...

"Honey, I love you and I did all this to help save our marriage"

That's it, don't get caught up in fights with her. The look in her eyes will be of pure hate right now. Just try and avoid her for a few days, but keep up Plan A.

This is going to be very tough on you so make sure you get help if you need it.

Thanks,

star*fish, You've echoed many of the things that I've been trying to tell my W for the past few weeks. Why am I never that eloquent when dealing with my own situation? Your post is well-written, and I appreciate the logical flow of it.

HopeThisWorks, I expect this to be tough. Last week I finally enlisted the help of Steve at MB. That helped a lot, and I'm talking to him again early next week. It's sad, but I'm starting to get used to looking in my wife's eyes and not seeing my wife any more. I still believe she is in there somewhere, and I'm prepared to ride out the storm.

Scott