My and my husband have been together for approx. 10 years(since I was 15yrs. old). In the las two years our marriage has fallen apart. It all started when we swapped w/another married couple, I was not for this but I didi it anyways. Then several months later I became pregnant and had a miscarriage. The same week I lost the baby I found internet profiles about my husband that were not acceptable. So I then cheated on him w/his friend( worst mistake I ever made). I finally told him the truth, prior to me tellling him the truth he was talking to another woman, only talking. This year we decided to start new, and with in weeks he was talking to woman on the phone daily, and not telling me about. I insistes that the are only friends, but I don't buy it. We since last week seperated and filled for divorce.. But now I think I made a mistake because I miss him. But I don't think what he does it right. He never tells me anything I always fin the truth out then confront him, which this causes hugh conflict....Someone please give me some advise

Nic,
There is not a lot of traffic here, especially on the weekends. This is one of the reasons why there hasn't been any responses to your post.

Your relationship history & experiences put you in a unique situation. Have you considered going to a marriage counselor? I think you and your husband definitely need an objective professional who can help you work through the lack of trust and emotional needs you both probably have. Even if he refuses to go, you might want to see a counselor so that you can be in a better place emotionally for any future relationships.

I have been seeing a counselor almost weekly. He has went 3 times in the past. But he doesn't think that he needs one now. We have been talking on the phone recently, at first he acts caring, then his attitude changes. He says he is going through with divorce. I miss him everyday.

this may be interpreted that you did not really have very many social experiences and didn't really select your husband with knowledge that he would be the best person for you for the rest of your life. . . that is ok, there are many young marriages where the person who thought they knew what's best, did only for awhile. ..



missing him is normal and emotional... the intellectual side of you says that he isn't very good for you. . . at this point, i would allow the emotions to be felt, but not to act on them, but to act on your intelligence, your realization that he conflicts with your sense of values. .

yes, you will miss him, but also, you may miss the stressful times and that will be helpful, and you will miss the fights, UNLESS you grew up in a loud, demostrative family. ..

my suggestion is to work on your independence as a working adult woman, and let him go.. . as hard and as un marriagebuilding that this suggestion is, your emotions are raw, but your descriptions say that he is not the same person that you married, and that might not be bad to let him go his own way. . .

good luck,
post back often for support

wiftty

Today we seen each other. It was very hard. We both still love and care about wach other, but he can't forgive me for kicking him out of the house. He seems th think that the 2 things that I have done to him, out way all the hurt he has done to me. I don't know why I am basically begging him to work things out. I wonder if things could ever change, I just don't want to go through the divorce, then get back together.

My husband decided on his own to go to counseling, he has an appointment next week. He also wants to "hang out together" tonight..I will keep everyone posted..Let me now yuor opions

That's great that he wants to go to counseling. I think YOU (actually both of you!) need to learn more about boundaries, especially if you're going to work on getting back together. Maybe read up on the Policy of Joint Agreement here to start with. Ask your counselor about some pointers on how to suggest, work on, and agree to accept boundaries. This will help you stand up for what YOU want (or don't want) in the future.

We went to dinner Saturday night and then he came back to the house to watch movies. After the first movie we got into an argument, because I brushed something off of his shirt. He doesn't want me to touch him. So I then told him to leave. He came back we talked outside then he left again. So I went to my friends house for about an hour, he called and wanted to come back over so we could watch the other movie. He stayed until about 7 in the morning. We did not even talk, no touching or anything like that. Just watched the movie and fell asleep.

He also came by Halloween night. I cooked him dinner, after he ate dinner I asked him if he was gonna have any conversation with me. He said not really. I then asked why did you come over then, his answer was because I asked him to. I then I asked if that was the reason he was here, he said ya. So I then asked if he wanted to be here, he said not really. So I told him to leave and he left.

I don't understand anything he does. He calls me and is nasty to me then an hour later he'll call back and act caring. But if I bring up the caring part he denys it.
He went to counsiling today. Don't know what happened, I've decided not to talk to him for a while....

Please tell me what you think

any thoughts about my situation???? I would love to hear them...Thanks in advance

Since last week I have came to grips with everything. I am actually ok with us not being together, I am really happy..Now all of a sudden my husband is emailing me and being nice and craing again. He always says that maybe after the divorce we will be back together, it makes no sense. But know I don't think I want to be with him, there has been sooo much hurt..What should I do??