I've posted here before lost my name and password so had to register a new one. Just a little history on my sit. Not sure how to put it but basically he had a one night stand. He talked to the girl over the net briefly and met her. Once I found out he came clean told me the truth. He has done everything needed so far to help both us recover. Only thing is he is in Iraq and due home in about 2 1/2 months.
Now here is my problem. I used to date this guy while i was in high school long before i started dating my H. I broke up with him and we talked as friends even while i was dating my husband and my husband knew i talked to him. Well he joined the navy and i havent talked to him until he instant messanged me a few nights ago while i was online. He said he just got back from Iraq and that he is coming into town and he would like to see my kids and me. I told him that right now it isnt a good time. I am staying at my moms for the up coming holidays. He wanted to know why and i said just there a few bumps in my marriage that we are trying to work out and just right now isnt a good time. Well he took that for an answer and i asked him how his time was over there it was just a chat nothing else. Well two nights ago I was talking to my cousin who lives in NY and he imed me again wanting to know why we broke up and telling me that he hasnt gotten over me. Its been 8yrs since we broke up and Im over him. Its sort of freaking me out. I am scared that he is going to show up at my door. I told my mom about it and i even told my mother in law. I just dont want things to get started when my H and I are doing so well in our recovery even tho its just been such a short time. I have told him NO and i am really afraid that he is just going to show up at my moms. What should i do if he does that????

u already did. U notified your local support group. Now stop the convo with this guy so he can go find a meaningful R.

L.

Tell him that you are happily married and your relationship with him is DONE. I would try to IM him before he shows up. Then STOP talking to him, and BLOCK his email.

Please don't think I'm being cold and unreasonable about it. I had a ONS after D-day with an old friend. I feel HORRIBLE about it. Even though WH is still with OW, I feel bad that I broke my vows too. You are much too vulnerable right now.

Ditto to first Believer post and Orchid.

Then, write your H a letter that you can give him when he returns about the IMs and conversation...and how you blocked contact and how much you love him.

Also, ask yourself honestly if it made you feel good that this person is "pursuing" you....if the answer is yes--face that insecurity.

Remember: your honor as a wife and role model to your children is tenfold more valuable than whether this person thinks you're interesting or attractive!!!

Thanks everyone for responding. I havent had a chance to talk to him. As far as I know he is on his way back here. The good thing is he lives about 45 mins away from me and he really doesnt remember how to get here! He asked for directions and i didnt give them to him.
Ahuman: No i dont like him "persuing" me. It makes me feel very uncomfortable, I am 100% committed to my H. I am 100% committed in repairing our M and getting it back on track to where it was before. We've come such a long way in such a short time and I dont want it to be messed up. H called me tonight it was midnight over there to wish me a happy birthday. Its this Monday and he said that he wasnt sure if he would be able to call me on my b-day so he took the chance and walked 1/2 a mile to wish me b-day it made my day. Again, Thanks for all the responses. I'll keep ya posted in the up coming days to let ya know if he shows up or what. Im praying he doesnt!!