Its been about 4 months since d-day. Once my H found out i knew he came clean never denied anything and ended contact with OW that same day i found out. He blocked her from his email and has been coming on my name to talk to family and friends. Most of the time he just doesnt go near the computer. When i asked him about OW he said he thought she was everything he wanted but when he really really thought about it he eventually came to the conclusion that she was nothing but a home wrecker (she did this to her bestfriend too) That was the only nice thing he ever said about her. Never ever said he loved her and never said that he didnt love me. He said that he has always loved me and always will. We are making great progress in such a little time. When i say he has done alot to prove himself to me he has even being miles apart for the next 2 months. (he is in the army) He doesnt seem to be having fog or withdrawal maybe he is handling things in a different way. When i talk about the A which we hardly bring it up anymore he doesnt ignore the fact he made the wrong choices. He is open and talks about it. I just want to know if this is normal?

I think sometimes it is. It is similar to what happened in our case. There was no withdrawal at all. We are over a year out, and things are going very well.

Well, maybe the “relationship” had run its course. Just like pre-marriage you might date someone 2-3 times before realizing you are not compatible. Your husband can be sincere and truthful in his having NC and ending the affair. Good for you. Problem is that after the last incompatible date you still kept searching for someone compatible. Is your H still searching?

I have said this often before, but look at an affair in the same light as a heart attack. Your marriage had a small blockage in an artery. Enough to be hospitalized and cause serious worry – but you survive. Now you are home from hospital and still eating greaseburges and fries. The sensible thing would be to reevaluate diet and lifestyle.

The two of you have to find out what caused your H to have an affair. Please go to MC.

Bigger:
Thanks for the response. My H isnt searching for anyone else. We have already figured out what caused the A and he told me that he thought that he wasnt happy in out M, but it was him not trying to make the best of his M. We would be in MC but the only problem is he is half way around the world in Iraq right now so its sort of hard to begin MC. As soon as he gets home in Jan, we begin MC.

That’s good to hear. At least the two of you are looking at the granola and looking for tofu recipes. I don’t have to tell you what a hard assignment he has. Use the time well to remind him regularly what he has waiting for him at home. Remind him you are missing him and counting the days. Put some investment in your love-bank account. Great dividends.

Bigger:

Whenever I talk to him I ALWAYS tell him how much i miss him and how much i love him. I make that a point to do unless the darn phone card runs out and then i cant (i hate when that happens!) He called me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday (its Monday) its the thought that counts. Everyone asked me what i wanted and i got a phone call its the next best thing. Whenever i write him i end with how much i love him and how much i miss you (i say it in throughout the letter too) I've started a countdown until he comes home so everytime he calls he asks me how many more days until we are together again and he thinks im crazy but its the only way i can past the time it might be silly but its better than him being another year away from coming home. So we do tell each other how much we miss one another and he says the same to his kids when i put the phone up to them. So they know their daddy loves them.