OK Hi, I'm new and never thought I'd be here.
Ive been with my W for 6 years Married for 4. We just moved about 8 months ago, to a little po dunk town (thanks to the Military)

She finally told me everything about a week ago. She has been kinda distant for about 5 months (the lenght of the affair E & P) she said the P was only for about 2 months. I even found an email between them ( a co worker)I found it a few months ago, but trusted her (even though in my heart I knew) that it was what she said it was just "joking", and it was over. Un fortunatly that was not the case.

A brief history, is we've always had a rocky marrige, and I KNOW I have been in the wrong, not meeting the needs she needed, but even after everything I want to work it out.
She says she's not sure, she said that she doesn't want anything to do with "love" now. Granted she said she "did" break it off with the guy, but I donot know if I believe it. I want to SOOOO damn bad.
I've taken last week and this week off work, and I'm trying to show her How I feel (making up for lost time LOL) I feel like the little boy who cried wolf, and the wolf (or in my case change) is here, but it's too late. I know this is not going to be fixed over night but I feel like I get some REALLY MIXED emotions from her, one minute things are WONDERFUL between us and then the next it's just crap.She told me that she did love the guy, but she knew it had been wrong. She also said she knew she had to "get over" him before things could change. She still works with him (right now we HAVE NO CHOICE <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ) but she has been (what seems to be) Up front about when they work together

She can't make it on her own here, and we've got two kids. Plus We are in the middle of trying to get an adoption (step-child)so that's kinda adding to the burdon. I want to adopt him I'm the only one he's ever called Dad, so to me that's not a real issue, but in the back of my mind I wonder if it's just to get him the helthcare and Military benifits.

I know I pushed her away from me emotionaly and didn't meet those needs for her. I'm just trying to figure out how to salvage my marrige and keep THE woman I love. She has been there for me when I was at my worst, and stuck by me, but now I wonder if I can be that strong too.

I'm just trying not be too intrueive but I feel she's putting walls up and drawing lines in the sand(she's always been a firecracker, and the harder I've pushed the more she would do the opposite) but at the same time I'm also trying to protect my self and the kids. I think a divorce or seperation is the WORST thing that we could do, I'm just trying to bet her LB out of the red and into the GREEN. I think I've been doing a good job of it , but I feel, ****** I feel like I was the one who had the affair not her, and I'm just struggling daily to try to work it out.

TTD.
Welcolm to MB website!
Iknow how you feel right now as, I, too and am BS(betrayed spouse).
You need to begin by reading everything on this site about infidelity so as to have a complete understanding of the dynamics of all of this.
You are about to begin the rollar coaster ride of your life and the only thing that will help is a complete understanding of how this could have happened in the first place.
I've had to deal with this after 32 years of a faithful marriage, and raising a family!
There is no criteriera for when or how this might happen, but there is a definite path to deal with this and recovery of you M.
The path, however, is very narrow and completely against all of your gut instincts. Dr. Harley has come up with a blueprint, if you will, as to how to save and reconcile your M. You must be commited and in love with your wife to do this. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and hers..
Do you truly want to save your marriage???? It is after all, your choice at this point.
You can do this if that is what you truly want. It will take a very extensive education on both your part and your WW's(wayward wife's).
Are you up for the battle. It won't be easy but thousands here before you have done it, and continue in the battle every day.
Can you handle this or not?
If so, stick around and wait for the real pros to jump in.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
I'm pulling for you, as many here, did for me when I thought all was lost and hopeless.
I have a hunch you want what so many others here have found, in spite of their instincts, that your M and relationship can be salvalged and saved.
All Blessings,
Jerry

I DO LOVE HER despite all this.

The only problem is I know she still has "feelings" for the guy. Suposedly he has moved on, but she is pinning to get him back. I know it. There is nothing I want more than to save this, I know I've been in the wrong in the past, yet she was always there for me. The other one is the kids, if it goes south, this is going to be HARD on them. I'm just so pissed and stressed out. I know I 'm trying to make up for lost time with her, but she's starting to push me away now. I can feel it. Granted part of that is going to be withdrawl from <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />him but still. and to top it off his wife was doing the same thing to him.. I guess carma's gonna be a real B!tch

well I've been doing some investigation Granted it looks like the guy want's nothing to do with her (Wife was the "rebound girl. kinda ironic huh?) and I've found she's not being "totaly" truthful. I say it that way because I think I'm asking her the wrong Questions. Don't laugh (this is how bad it is), but she paid for a love spell to be put onto this guy and from that date I've been the one pinning over her. (I guess it was misdirected LOL in a good way). I'm going to press her (ask the right questions) on it tonight, and then see if she fesses up (cross fingers)

if not then I decided I'm going to wait till thurs (my B-day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> pretty crappy and she "works" that night)and then ask her to move out (giving her a day or two) and I'm sending the kids back home for a while. I know she's going to hate me for that, but this IS affecting the kids more and more everyday.

I know it gets better but man IT TAKES SOOOOO LONG