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#1505509 10/23/05 03:26 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1
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Well, I'm new here and desperate for advice. I have been with my fiance for 12 years now. We are both 30 years old. He is umemployed. He is addicted to World of Warcraft, an online game, in which he plays from the moment he wakes up at 3 pm till he goes to bed around 8 am. This behaviour has been going on for 3 months now. He says that this game is very important to him because it gives him a sense of accomplishment and gives him a social life. He keeps telling me that I don't support him and what he does and asks me why I don't play with him. There are girls on there that are very promicious because they broadcast their "hot" feelings to see who will respond. The girls are on his team and he claims that he has no interest in them. But I think otherwise.

I work, I pay HIS rent, buy HIS groceries, buy him clothes, cook and clean. We are getting married next year and he says that if I can't deal with this now, then he has big doubts about our upcoming marriage.

He rejects me sexually all the time. We haven't had sex in almost 4 months. There is always an excuse. Last night I did a strip tease for him and he said he liked it, but I should be doing more of what he asked, more dance and less sway. I was very hurt by that. A few hours later, I asked him if he wanted to have sex with me and he said " no, I have to help my friends online girlfriend" I freaked out and basically said with some profane words, that he would rather help her, some anonymous meaningless person, than help his own girlfriend by being her man. I was so mad, that I went to the wall and ripped out his cable modem connection. He asked me to leave. So I did. He called me, and told me that I am not to call him or come over till he says. I have left him alone playing the computer, without asking him to be with me for the past month. I have even sat beside him and watched him play. When I ask him questions about the game, because I really do want to take an interest in his life, he ignores me because he is in the middle of something, which he always is. He tells me that I'm needy when I ask for one night a month with him. Did I mention that I am paying for his online access to this game? I ask him if he felt it was fair that I pay while he plays and I am all alone. He said no.

I feel so unattractive and unwanted. I am confused about what my future will hold. I am so sexually charged right now, that I am thinking of cheating on him. In the 12 years, we have been together, I have never once thought of it. I feel guilty for wanting to stray, because I am not getting what I need from this relationship. Not just sex, I need a hug or a kiss or even a day where we could go for a walk and talk. My birthday was two weeks ago, it was my 30th. He didn't get me a gift, instead he purchased some pot for himself, because he has no money, don't you know.

I love this man dearly. But feel that I am constantly sacrificing my needs for his happiness. I am so depressed and just need to feel that he loves me. He says he does, but actions speak louder than words. We aretaking a marriage class as required by our church for marriage. Which we both enjoy and and try to implement what we have learned into our relationship and as individuals. I know that we both want to work this nagging issue out.

Any help?

marsvox #1505510 10/23/05 08:06 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 26
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Hi, marsvox:

Sorry you are going through this, but there are so many red flags in your post, it's hard to know where to begin! A man who loves you doesn't keep you waiting around for 12 years. He doesn't put you and your needs on the backburner constantly, diminish your efforts to please him, and let you support him financially. Your relationship will not change just because you have a piece of paper making it legal - what you are living right now will be your life. Is that what you want?

marsvox #1505511 10/24/05 11:40 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
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From the way you laid it out it sounds to me as though its not a realtionship but someone who is using another person. It sounds like you are doing all the work and he is reaping all the benefits.

marsvox #1505512 10/25/05 04:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
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Quote
We are getting married next year and he says that if I can't deal with this now, then he has big doubts about our upcoming marriage.

Well, I think you should be sharing those doubts. He's pretty clearly telling you that he doesn't intend to meet your needs, and that if you can't be happy that way, that's not his problem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

What do you get out of this one-sided relationship? And his needing to help an online friend instead of you...that is a huge red flag. If you do not want to spend the rest of your life coming in last place, run.

kathi


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