Mortarman - Hi!

I have been laying low lately. I can not detect any comm ww has with anybody - and I am not interested in doing any intel. I really think she is not involved with anyone at the moment. But I know it will come.

I was served Sept. 28, and have yet to find an attorney that I think will work for me the way I need.

My issue is that we are in a lease that goes until February. We need to stay in the house for another 4 months. I do not think WW will move out - I am not going anywhere.

You mentioned a modified "same house" plan B. Wife has been chilly and does not like or trust me any more, and I do not like her much, either. I fight now for the sake of the kids. And my promise.

Do you think I should try the modified plan B?

Our spiritual views have diverged. I have remained true to Christianity (with serious questions about things) but she has gone head first into new-age and entitlement stuff. She had at one time been very involved in our main-stream denominational church - but she has moved far from basic Christian theology. I am not sure I have the energy to deal with it.

She has a fantasy of living divorced in the same house. (we discussed it a LONG time ago) but I can not do that. I still feel pain when she has an affair. (oddly - I am not bleeding as I write this - i have grown quite indifferent)

Sorry to set a bad example for so many. I had a much higher chance of success if I was in plan B a year ago with the first A.

I am just floating through this at this point.

But I am excited about life! I am still (slowly) working on a plan to get out of debt and become financially stable. Gotta start thinking about college bills in 7 years or so....

Thanks to everyone who has invested in me. I am a different man than the one who logged on a year and a half ago....

edited title - how many posts start: "Mortarman..."????

Hey FAR! Good to hear from you. My WH wants to live at home after the D like your WW. What entitlement, huh?

I am interested in the at home modified plan B too as I don't when I am going to get him out though I have requested a date from him. Wish you weren't so far away or I would recommend an attorney I know that is very good at the child support and custody stuff.

FF - thanks for answering.

I have questions - I was served a summons on the 28th of last month. Do I need to reply to it for any reason? I know when I was sued a couple of months ago that I could have responded and helped my sitch. What about D papers? Is there anything to say?

If your attorney will work in SD, I sure could use a good reference. So far all of the references I have gotten suck.

far

FAR,

You need to answer the summons ASAP, otherwise you most may lose all rights in the divorce and custody battles by default. The courts have little sympathy for failing to answer court summons. In short, get a lawyer to answer for you right away, even if he is not the best, for you can amend your motions later.

FAR, take this serious, lest you lose all your rights here.

THANK YOU!!!!

FAR, I think you have 20 to 30 days to answer your wife, depending on your state's laws. If I were you, I would have a lawyer answer tomorrow even if it is just to ask for more time. Call a divorce lawyer and tell them you have an emergency, and some will help you right away. I have seen this done before.

Okee dokee. 30 days in Ca.
I will ask for more time. I might have an atty friend that can do that, although he is not a D atty.

I really appreciate your help.

far

FAR, get a divorce lawyer. They usually have templates for this sort of thing. More importantly, they know the ins-and-outs of the divorce court in your area, and that knowledge is priceless. I know b/c I recently worked for a law firm that had a big practice in family law, among other things. In law, you want the lawyers verse in the specialty you need to represent you. That will save you time, money and headaches. I know the lawyer you mention is your friend, but if he's not a divorce lawyer, his help to you will be of limited value. Please think about it. You have a lot to lose.

Found - You most definitely have to answer if these are the first D papers. If you can't get a lawyer in time, please take the paperwork for the D to the courthouse. They will let you know how to respond.

FAR, can I ask you something? If not, stop reading. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I don't know quite how to put this. I don't assume anything about your beliefs. And I fully agree with you that many lightweight mongrel religions are all about entitlement.

But just so we're all on the same page... ALL the major faiths in the world disapprove unambiguously of infidelity.

In Christianity, God disapproves of infidelity. Why?

GC

FAR,

Good advice so far on the legal front.

Plan B while i nthe same house? It is VERY hard, but can be done. You will have to plan it all out though. To make sure there is no communication and as little of "bumping? into each other as possible. No more family engagements where you and the wife are there at the same time.

So, you will need a plan on how to make this all happen.

In His arms.

FAR, email and I will give you the attorney's info. Ask him for someone he knows he can recommend in your area.

FF - got it. Thanks!

far

Mortar - I do not have it in me to do that. I will make things as clear as possible during the legal procedings, but I have not the energy or desire to do a same house plan B. Your insight has been wonderful, and I appreciate your response. WW only sees the negative things in me, and I am ready to move on. Always open to reconcilliation, but she will have to make it happen.

far

GC - wow. That is a simple, deep question. i am still chewing on it. I do not know that I know. I operate now with what I learned growing up. I am currently learning about faith and God's grace, but a lot of what I know and operate on is stuff I learned a long time ago. Kinda like riding a bike - you can get on one and do it easy. YOu do not even think about it - you know how to do it. My spiritual life is like that. i pray a lot right now - but I am not actively studying. Only what i need to survive. And a lot of what I know i have known since I was 5 or 8 or 10, nad have not actually reasoned about it since then.

Why does God disapprove of infidelity? Hmmmm. I could give you a lot of reasons why He rightfully should. But what did He say about it? I am not a Biblical scholar. I do not know where it is. It is all over the place. And fidelity is not just a man-woman thing. It happens between us all. Fidelity causes men and women to give up the standard roles, and become nuns and priests, and to devote their lives to causes that gain them nothing - except favor with God. Fidelity also helps us climb the ladder at work. It causes our attorneys to take nominations for roles of great stature, and to give up those nominations. And to sit in prison because I will not tell you who told me she was a .....

And the interesting thing is this: HE is the only one that IS faithful. He gave me the freedom to be unfaithful. And in many, many facets of my life, I am. And He does not change me. It is my choice.

i am just rambling - having fun. Might be a fun thread all by itself.


GC - I do not know. I just know. I will research it and get back to you.

far

Many of you have asked me why I continued to pursue a serial cheater.

The pursuit is over. I am open to saving our marraige - but WW will have to come to me with willingness to do everything it takes. I am beginning to understand those of you who are perplexed that I continued to pursue WW.

She filed. The petition is straight forward, she is not trying to rake me over the coals, not trying to screw me out of custody, and she is desiring to not get into a court battle. I am ready to do the same.

Now it is my plan D letter. She might consider it and come to me, but she is in need of a lot of counseling for many life issues. Those, no doubt, have contributed to the demise of our marriage. Maybe she should do that for a while.

Here is my letter.


Your thoughts on it would be appreciated.

I remain excited about re-structuring my life and getting out of debt (slowly, so far). I look forward to the possibility of a life with my wife someday. But i do not depend on it.

There is a part in Harley's book about Plan A burning out everything you have for your wayward, so that the pain is less if it does eventually end. It is right on the money.

I will continue to lean on you for support. I sure appreciate the giving you have done, and I hope to give back some.


melancholy sigh
far