Before my husband had his A he told told me he loved my breats, even though they were small. Now since he has had his A, with a woman with very large breasts, all he can ever talk about is me getting breast implants. It really hurts my feelings. What I don't understand about it is the OW not only has big boobs but she is big all over like 5 ft 8 and 200 pounds. I am very petite only 5ft and 105 pounds. I have small breasts but they are perky, a flat tummy and a very nice bottom, from what I been told many many times. She on the other hand, Yes she has big breasts, but she has had liposuction before and still weights 200 pounds. Shes never even had children before. She is 37 and I am 26. The day after I came home from having his son, I was able to slip into my size 3 jeans.

I don't understand how he can critize me like this, If I got fat my boobs woud get bigger too!

How do you guys think I should deal with/respond to this? Its really hurting my already low self estemm.


M 26
H 28
Married 7 yrs
DD 6 yrs old
D day 4 Sept 05
PLan A 21 Sept 05
formerly duncad

Trying, I would straight out tell him.... "I don't like it when you compare my body to OW's! It hurts me. How would you like it if we are walking somewhere and I see a man with huge muscles, good looking, and say wow H I like his body more than yours, why don't you make your body like his so I can be happy with it!."

That is just cruel to do you Trying. You have to get the message across to him that you don't like it.

No you don't have to gain weight for him or make your breasts bigger for him. If he don't love you for the way you are, then there is something wrong with him, not you.

Lady

Very thoughtless of him. Offer to add on 95 pounds. Tell him the affair is already ageing you faster than is healthy. Tell him if he carries on like he does now for a year or so you could look exactly like the OW. Tell him you will even make an effort to lower your morals.

It’s a shame being betrayed usually takes away your appetite.

It's not about you, the problem is about is about your husband. He has a fantasy in his mind and nothing can compete with a fantasy. Breast size doesn't make a woman. If it plastic surgeons would have their offices packed. And I'm not saying to reduce to get get bigger. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Seriouslly, your husbands affair was part of a fantasy and now part of that fantasy lives on in wanting you to have big breasts like the OW. Tell him he can forget it.

I think I would tell him that I always had fantasies of a well-endowed husband. Ask if he would consider getting enlarged, you know where. See how he feels about the tables being turned.

No wonder I'm about to be divorced.

Now that is toooo funny!!! I guess that would be considered a LB, but it would definitely get the point across.

He is being cruel. This is not loving at all.

LoL

Believer -

You're about to be divorced because your STBX is an idiot! One of the many things he'll be missing out on is your great sense of humor.

I loved your response.

FIM

I'm sure we can all think of flip answers to give your husband (like, tell him if he's so fond of big boobs, he can have the implants himself), but I gather you want to save your marriage, so LB'ing is out. I agree with the person who said to tell him you feel hurt when he compares you to the OW. That isn't the same as turning around and hurting him.

A lot of times when we don't want to do something another person asks, we try to argue them out of wanting it, instead of simply making our own wishes and limits known. So I can see how it would be tempting to point out to him that OW has large breasts because she's a lard bucket in general, or to point out the merits of small, perky breasts, such as their being less likely to wind up around your navel by time you're 80. The problem is, you can't really argue him out of finding something attractive, and more to the point, you don't have to. There's no way he can make you have implants against your will. If you really don't want to do so, let him know that this is not something you will consider.

I don't think that making your boundary clear has to keep you from exploring his feelings on the subject, however. Maybe large breasts have always been a fantasy of his, and that's why the OW attracted him. Maybe his first real GF or first big crush had big breasts. Who knows. If you can negotiate a way for him to share his fantasies without speaking specifically about OW, it might defuse the issue for both of you.

Yes it is this and other things that concern me. Although he says he wants to be with me, he does not always show it. It felt good the other night when he made a comment about another girl (how she looked good) and he could tell I was upset and he actually seemed to care. Then Sunday he seemed to be annoyed with the affection I was trying to give him, which I don't understand because that is where I was lacking before, I backed off, but he ran home to get on the computer and text message the OW.

Is this normal?

Is he still having contact with the OW? That could be part of the problem.