I am curious what everyone thinks...Do you think that marriages are saved more if the wife cheats or if the husband cheats? It seems as though if a wife cheats they go back to their marriages more often than if a husband cheats. Women seem to eventually miss their home and kids and life more than men.

What do you all think? It seems as though a lot of the success stories are women who cheat and come back home. Am I wrong?

Generally, I think women are better at saying sorry. Perhaps they realise the error of their ways a bit quicker than guys. I think men also don't like to admit they are wrong. I mean, even when they are totally lost they don't ask for directions. TT

Statistics show that marriages are saved more when the husband cheats.

One of the biggest reasons is that many times, affairs for men have less emotional strings attached then women. Women tend to have exit affairs, so are looking to leave anyway. While men may have been seduced by just the sex or closeness, but had no intention of leavign their spouse.

A WW is much more dangerous to the marriage than a WH.

In His arms.

Hi lost,
I was just thinking about you. I noticed the same thing. I think that generally women discuss their feelings easier then men and I think this helps the process move along easier.

My FWH has never had an easy time discussing his feelings good or bad.

Do you think women are more forgiving?

I was the BH. I couldn't live with the fact of my WW's affair. Maybe self worth, or my own personal pride but I did not allow her back into my life even though she desired it. I did the logical thing ( no kids, short marriage, and me being the principle money maker). I believe that more men are less likely to take a WW back because that's what we were taught to do. It was a painful decision, but it was the LOGICAL one. So I think many men who don't come on this board, just move towards divorce on a WW.

Seoulman

I think when a man is the BS there is a better chance of reconciliation.

I think WH are pretty darn bad b/c of their clamlike disposition...and because of the fact that in many instances, they are either primary breadwinner or sole breadwinner...in case of my xh and I, at time I was sahm. It gave him leverage...

I believe about 75% of divorces filed are by women.

In my case, she was a WW and had her Married OM to run to.

So I really don't buy that argument that women are more forgiving when they file for divorce 3x as often as men do.

T

I think that when b/s are woman, they have more of a chance to make the marriage work than if the b/s had been a man. My reasoning is the fact that its a guarenttee that if the w/s is a male, he makes more money than his b/s. When b/w rely on their w/h financially, especially if they have dependent children, woman tend to want the marriage to work out to maintain the living standards. It is a known fact when woman divorce men, their living standards go down, while their x-husbands go up.
Its funny, we had a stray feral cat become very friendly when she was pregnant. She would rub up against us and would talk to us. Even though she was a feral cat, she had baby kittens to feed. She made friends with a stranger to insure her kittens would be fed.
I think the female gender of the human species has the same instincts. In order to feed and cloth their children, they are more receptive to reconcilling with the wandering husband, who generally makes more money. Now there are always exceptions, but I think this statement holds true in most cases.
Just my opinion.

So then why does a woman who makes 20-25% of what her H makes run off with a man who cheats on his wife?

Especially in my case, he IS going to pay alimony because he is abandoning a 30+ year marriage. She left in year 7.

She gets child support, but no alimony.

I guess I'm better off that she left earlier than later.

I will testify that I'm better off financially, even with paying C/S.

I went from having a mortgage and over 70K in other debts such as credit cards and a car payment, to just having a mortgage in the two years since my XWW left.

I am much better off financially without her.

T

I am GUESSING here...

But I would think that more marriages are recovered after an A when the man was the WS.

Often when men stray, it's as much about physical gratification more than anything else...there is normally LESS emotional attachment associated with the OP in that case. Women more often tend to develop a greater emotional bond (soulmate) with the OM...which is MUCH more difficult to work past in the normal timeframe for recovery of an A. Often, by the time the WW reaches a point where she will start to 'come out of the fog', it's past the point where the BH is still willing to work on the M.

Again, I'm stating an opinion, not anything I know by facts. But this is why I think that EA's are far more devestating to a M than a PA alone...and I feel that women are more likely to have an EA than most men will...or the EA will develop faster than it will for most men.