I didn't really want my own thread, because I'm still trying to figure things out with D, but I guess if I'm so interested in everyone else's updates, I should post my own updates! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

He lives 45 minutes away, and for the 2 and 1/2 weeks we had been dating, he had always come to my house, or we've gone out. So Friday night, I went to his "world". First we stopped by his parents' and said hello. They were very nice - seem like nothing to be afraid of. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> His kids were there, so we left from there (without the parents) to dinner and then bowling. His kids were great! 16 yo boy, and 8 yo girl (she'll be 9 next week). From our conversations, and meeting them once, THEY are much better kids, and is a much better situation than exBF's sitch that I ultimately couldn't live with!

We had fun bowling. I realllllyyyyyyy enjoyed seeing D interract with his kids and be a Dad... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> seeing a different side of him than just my "date". He said he usually doesn't introduce his dates to his kids this early in relationships. I asked him how many GF's they had met - he said I'm the 3rd one (in 3 years). His other relationships have been very short, so they didn't get very attached.

So... so far, so good. I don't quite know what to think yet. I like him. I love the way he treats me, and his values, thoughts, and perspectives. We can talk for hours. He's not everything I think I want, which I'm having trouble defining anyway, but he makes me happy in many ways, and is meeting my EN's very well. 3 weeks is still very early, so we will give this more time and get to know each other better. But everything is still going well!

Faith1 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

awww....sounding good.

I'm especially impressed that he has a 16yo son willing to hang out with his family on a Friday night!!!!

I'm very much in the so far/so good mentality too. I'm also questioning if this is everyhing I want and what is it that I want anyway??!!??

Any tips on how to do that?

I was impressed too! He didn't feel good either (sinus headache), so he could have used that excuse to stay home, but was a trooper and came out. He seems well-balanced. He was dressed "cool", had recently dyed his hair blonde <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />, but was very polite to me, makes good grades, and when his Algebra teacher and W came in the restaurant, he flagged them down to introduce all of us, telling us this was his favorite teacher. The teacher bragged on him too, and talked to Dad (and me too, not knowing who I was, really or how long we've been dating) for several minutes. The son even complimented his W, saying she looked very nice.

What do we want? I'm thinking these days.... the lists of must-haves and deal-breakers are VERY important. But can we make each other happy... or I should say... can we BE happy together (NOONE can make you happy!!!!).. is important too! (beyond just a "list")

wow -- sounds like a very mature teenager. cool!

The "big deal" things are pretty easy, and its easy to rule out someone that doesn't meet that criteria.
I'm trying to think about whether or not the little things that aren't perfect become big things later on. Ya know?

I'm happy now, do I really need to think about being happy later? Or maybe just relax and let that work itself out?
I just worry about getting him over-involved where it would be hard for me to get out. I obviously struggle with that. And I don't like hurting people.

Congrats to you both!!!! I am jealous!!!! I want a boyfriend too!!!! But I just don't have many guys in my life. Most of the guys that I know or hang out with are married and so I am very carfeul with what I say or do around them as I don't want anyone ever to feel that I am a threat.

I just wish t hat I had the excitement of a new relationship, I think that it could be fun!!!!

Have a good one!!!

Dawn

OK, can I chime in on this topic?

I have a boyfriend that I have been dating for 4 months. We are all kindred sisters in this. I, too, have realized that "big stuff" is easy and little stuff is hard. We are great together on "big stuff". It IS lthe little stuff that I wonder about, and worry bout whether I"m too paranoid or insecure about.

Lexxxy, I think i'm with you. I"m having a great time. We enjoy being together. Our kids blend well and we do lots of things with them. ALone time is seldom with work and kids, but alone time is wonderful also. I, too, feel like just kicking back and enjoying the ride as long as it lasts. I guess we'll know when the time comes to question more seriously our relationship, but for now I"m enjoying the company and him telling me i'm pretty (H never told me that!)

cm

I don't have any answers about the "little stuff". My opinion right now is that noone is perfect, and there's always going to be "little stuff", so we have to decide which "little stuff" we can live with. I think that only takes time to figure out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> So we might as well enjoy the ride.

We had a good talk last night. I'm still in that "doubting" stage... like when I don't hear from him in several hours or something <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />... my fears takeover and wonder what he's thinking. Why do I do that!!!! But we both talked about our stressful day... then we laughed together about stuff.... and talked about our plans for getting together tomorrow and this weekend... and compromising his schedule with his kids -> he was very thankful and impressed with my attitude and willingness to compromise with his kids. He said some girls he's dated have wanted him all to themselves, and weren't understanding about his schedule, etc.

Kindof a red flag for ME though... he was opening up a little more about the difficulties he has with his exW. She sounds like a real b*... very immature and selfish... bad-mouths about him to the kids... talks bad about the marriage... puts them in the middle... the little girl gets upset and has to defend D sometimes... exW always asking questions to the kids about D's business... "what's D doing? Who is he dating? Where is he going?" ... and SHE is always going over to HER BF's house and taking the kids with her. The 16 yo son doesn't like going, and usually comes to stay with D instead.

This kinda makes me nervous... but maybe it's sorta typical? I'll have to see how it goes.

Please remember there are always two sides to a story though...I'm sure she would tell a different version of the events and paint just as much of an ugly picture about him. They are ex's for a reason LOL

I'm trying to think about whether or not the little things that aren't perfect become big things later on.

I think two things about this...

The first thing is that if they are things that make you stop and think, they are no less than a red flag to acknowledge, if even to yourself.

Secondly, if they end up being a "concern", don't let em linger! Talk about them, be open and honest and whatever you do, don't let them become issues that you have faced and not talked about in previous relationships/marriage that never got dealt with.

I am not trying to bring down the mood and I think it is great that you ladies are out there dating again. I just think it is important for you to get what you truly want and not "look past" things so you don't rock the boat!

Best of luck and ENJOY!!

Weyell... lookie who dropped in! Thanks for the thoughts!

allurin... yep, you're right. There's 2 sides to every story. I've thought of that too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> However, KNOWING that she talks bad about him, including bad language, in front of the kids is NOT cool, so I have a bad impression of her for that (even if he deserves it - it's still not cool to say it to the kids). And taking the kids over to BF's house when she wants to sleep over with him, is not cool (fairly NEW BF), especially when son doesn't LIKE going over there, so that he seeks refuge at more stable D's house. So... you are right and time will tell what the other side of the story is.

*sigh* "R"... First date 3 months ago... second date 5 weeks ago... called tonight and left a message wanting to go out this weekend. Why is he soooo slowwwwww???? I hate calling him back to say no. I like him... but he missed the boat again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Oh goodness.... I am CRAZY about him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Good grief. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Somebody slap me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We spent 8 hours together Wednesday on our day off, and had a great time. We talked for about 30 minutes last night, and we're taking his daughter out tonight for her birthday. And that's about it for the weekend. (He is working this weekend.) He's not clingy, yet he's shows me enough that he thinks about me and cares about me.

I actually think - for ONCE - that our feelings for each other are about the same! This hasn't happened to me before. It's kinda cool! Usually, in my other relationships, one person has always felt stronger for the other. But I think we are on the same page. Of course, now that I've said this, I'll probably get dumped. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

exBF J called last night. I think he was REALLY wanting to know if there was hope for us getting back together. He is seeing a lady that is in love with him, and he doesn't feel the same for her, and he doesn't know what to do. He was thinking about telling her I wanted to work things out. I told him not to lie to her, and he needed to be honest with her about his feelings. But I think he was really hoping I wanted him. *sigh* I assured him I am HAPPY moving on with my life, and he needs to do the same.

Isn't love grand??