My h after the third time of telling me he was going to stop talking to OW, continues to talk to her. I have only been in PLan A since DD day Sept 3rd. I feel like he does not really want to make the marriage work. I am not sure what to do.

M 26
H 28
Married

First...please stick to one thread, instead of creating a new one whenever you post...it makes it easier for everyone to track what's going on in your situation and offer cohesive advice.

Second...have you found proof that he's still in contact with her again this morning? AFTER he's agreed to NC...I know from one of your other posts that he's supposed to be firing her...

No. It's not time for PLAN B..

Stick to PLAN A as long as possible.

What is the nature of your PLAN A?

Yes I know he is still in contact with her as of Sunday night, he was text messaging her.

I have exposed to everyone including his boss. My H now tells me he has been instructed to fire her. I am not sure when her last day is.

I am getting very tired, as I know he is at lunch with her today and probably will be meeting up with her tonight. I called the office and she apparently is still working there. Although when I talked to him last he was asking me what I thought of him getting another job. He has been pushing me to get a home equity loan. We were going to get one of these before the A to put on a deck. Now I worry that he only wants this to pay off his own personal credit card, which he got shortly affair the affair and ran up the balance on paying for hotels etc.., Also now she says she is pregnant. He has seen me change alot, I don't think he is going to stop seeing her. Are you sure its not time for plan B

I'm sorry, Trying. This will take hard work on your part...

He is following the standard WH script...

Have you read up on PLAN A?

I asked you before but you did not answer...

What changes have you made in yourself since discovery of the A?

Yes I have read plan A. The changes I have made include, and these were all complaints of his at one time:

1. Not cleaning the house and doing laundry as much; instead spending most of my evenings and free time with him giving him my attention.
2. Going with him to social events and having a "good time"
3. being more thoughtful I left notes for him in the shower, in his suite case, sent him breakfast to his hotel (when he was away for work), surprized him with his favorvite ice cream last night
4. When I come in the door from work giving him a kiss before I do anything else.
5. I made peace with my mother and sister in law, threw my sister in law a babyshower
6. Sex- we have had sex almost every night on weekends sometimes twice a day (used to only be once a week)
7. Sending him jokes through email during the day
8. Kissing him in the morning while he is asleep, calling him on the way to work, calling him at lunch; all to tell him I love him
9. Elimate love busters
10. Not stressing over money as much; letting him buy what he wants
11. I got my nails done,went tanning, and shopping for new clothes
12. Rode with him on his Harley on Sunday
13. Play around and tickle him

There is more but I think you get the point

What do I do next

What needs does the OW meet?

How old is your WH? How old are you? How old is the OW?

How long have you been married? How long do you think that the A has been going on?

Mimi,

He told me that the needs that she meets is just doing little things like giving him a hug and kiss when she sees him, calling him on his way to work, going to lunch with him. All of these I have been doing. I have asked him to lunch but he turns me down and goes with her. Also they work together so they have more to talk about.

I asked him if there is anything that I am not already improving on that I need to improve on and he said no

M 26
H 28
Married 7 years
DD 6 years
D day 3 Sept 05
PLan A 3 Sept 05

Let me make it clear that none of this excuses him for having an A which is WRONG...

But, my question is: So he felt unloved by you? Felt rejected? Needed more attention and affection?

He's not going to let you know that your PLAN A is working..

He does not want it to work..

He wants to justify to himself continuing with the A...so you have to be satisfied YOURSELF with the job that you are doing...

I just talked to him and told him that I Knew he was text messaging her and that I wanted it to stop.

His response was "we still have work to do".
My response was "what do you mean".
He says "well we need to talk some more after this Friday after we find out if she is pregnant"
I say "Are you saying that if she is pregnant it will change your decision of whether you want to have this marriage?"
His response was " I didn't say that"
My response " I need to know"
His response "Yes I love you"
My response "but I need to know what you plan to do"
His response "I have work to do we will talk more after Friday"


This is what I want to tell him

It really hurts me that she is pregnant. I feel that I should be the only one pregnant. I used to dream of our little girl, I used to think about what her name would be because you told me this time I could pick the name. Lani was her first name I figured we would decide on the middle together. I could have just as easily gotten pregnant and tried to trap you in into to staying with me, but I wanted you to stay for love. If it turns out she is pregnant, She will now make her self a part of your life forever. Which I believe was her goal. I on the other hand will no longer be a part of your life. I will not want to see you or talk to you ever again, the pain will be too much. I will arrange to drop DD off at your moms so you can pick him up from there.

In Plan A, this is a LB, making a demand for him to stop.

He sounds too much in control of the conversation, too much in control of you.

Part of Plan A is gaining his respect.

TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT WHICH IS YOUR MARRIAGE.

Don't ask him what he wants. We know the answer to that. He wants to continues his A.

This process takes time...

Sorry...

What do I do that I am already not doing to earn his respect?

He says her last day is tomarrow to come clean out her desk and I believe him, Also he has already called someone about another job. My guess is this is because he is embarssed at work, since everyone used to think so highly of him.

He went to the meeting tonight. I could not go with him because I had to take my son to cub scouts. I asked my H to go to cub scouts to skip the meeting because I was not feeling well and he said no. Also my guess his he is not at meeting he is out with her. He is not answering his phone when I call him.

What do I do about this?

Yes he needed more attention/affection/and felt rejected by me.

Any advise? Please? Not sure how to handle this without creating a LB



M 26
H 28
married 7 years
d day 3 sept 05
plan a 21 sept 05

please?

Don't do anything.

You can't do anything but maintain your focus on yourself..

Don't beg or plead for him to stop...

I will post more to you tomorrow.

Don't say anything..

I think he is planning on leaving me for the OW. When he came home last night he jumped in bed with me and gave me a big hug. Weird thing happend she called me on my cell last night, when I called her back it seemed like a bad connection and she hung up. I am positive they were together.

when I talked to him this morning I asked him whats wrong and he said you know