Thanks Trying. I have been reading your posts....I keep meaning to post to you - Your WH is a lot like mine, but I believe more cruel than mine was. I will have to post on your thread some of the things that he did. My WH was SO CRUEL. Looking back right now I still can't believe some of the things he put me through. And is still putting me through.

I still love him though. Does that mean that we have low self-esteem to let someone do these things to us & yet still want them back? Why do we want them back?

Kim

Kim,

You pose some very good questions. I often wonder especially in the last few days, why do I still love this man? Why do I want him back?

Sure wish I had the answers for them. I think maybe its because I know the man he used to be and can be again.

That man is hiding way down deep inside somewhere, I hope he has the strength to break through someday...

Maybe this is why we as BS'S still love our WS'S because we know who they can be, if they would only listen to their own hearts. IMHO......

Hurting -

You are right. I remember who he was and what we had. I know the hope for the future. I guess the unfortunate thing is that the WS sometimes "just never get it. and they will never get that they don't get it." from LM.

Wish we could see the future.

Kim

Oh yes seeing the future would be a blessing at this time....

But we can only invison our own future and what we want from life.

If in that future our WS'S want to come along for the ride and we still want them thats great. But for now all we can do is make our futures what we want to be happy in life.

Here is to OUR futures Kim with or without our WH'S.... May they be bright and happy.... May we love again and have the relationships we want be that our WH'S or some other wonderful person. We will be Ok... We will survive .......

Thanks Hurting!! While we are making improvements to US and growing as people, becoming stronger what are our WH's doing? They are addicted to something that they think they are getting from an OW. Are our WH's whole people? I don't think so and they won't be whole when/if they come back to us.

Will we have grown too much during this and leave them behind???

We will be o.k. We will survive! You are right!!

Kim

Kim,


Yes I believe we will have grown as people while they stay stunted and will be broken.

My hope is though we will have grown enough to have compassion and understand they are broken and will be willing to help them grow and become someone we will be proud of.

We will have become strong enough to be able to help them if thats what we choose to do.... I truly believe this....

Like we all know our WH'S may bever get it and may never be the men they once were, but we will have grown so much and moved so far by the time this is a realized the pain will not be near as bad as we feel now.

We will always remember what we once had and will cherish those memories forever, but we will make new memories in life and be happy again.

It;s easy for me to say all of this because now I can't imagine life without my H. But there will come a time when all of this will be a distant memory and we will have moved on.

Life will be good again of that I have no doubt.....

If you didn't esteem yourself, you would still be with him putting up with this abuse. But since you DO esteem yourself, you have drawn a line in the sand and told him you will not accept him as long as he treats you like this. You have told him you will accept him if he changes his treatment. A person who didn't esteem themselves would do none of that. You have done ALL of that, because you really are a strong person who has the ability to defend and protect herself.

Thanks ML. I guess I'm thinking if I should just D him.

But that's not what I want. Am I begging? No. If I were begging he would still be here & I wouldn't have kicked him out. I takes some thought & feedback to help keeps things in perspective.

Peachy helped me get another exposure in tonight!!!! The manager at the El Azteca is an old, old contact of mine & WH. I used to frequent his place when we lived over that way. The manager asked how WH was doing ....I said "That's a good question! I don't know. He is having some issues right now." We all laughed a bit at the table and Georgia Guy said "Yeah, we are married now."

On the way out the mgr. stopped me and said "So how long have you and WH been split up?" I said " I asked him to leave 3 weeks ago."

Peachy said " Yeah, it's a shame. Kimberly is such a wonderful woman and it is too bad that her H has treated her so badly. I wouldn't put up with my X not honering his vows to me and his committment to his family."

It was all I could do not to laugh. Again, the Rita's coming into play here.

I guess that the mgr. won't be too interested in doing any real estate deals with my WH anytime soon. More exposure done Peachy style. I just need her to tag along behind me and be my spokesperson!!!

BTW, Hurting - we thought of you tonight & did a toast for you.

Kim

How was dinner?? Who was there and did y'all take pictures??

That Peach.... she's petite yet dynamite!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Maybe u, lemon and peach s/b a trio cape crusaders of the Anti-A gang!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Dinner was great!!! We had TDR, AD, Just Peachy, Sad Mommy and Georgia Guy. I didn't have a digital, but the others did. AD and Georgia Guy live far away, so don't know if they will get anything on tonight. Just Peachy had a digital too. Not sure if she is coming on the Forum tonight.

Meeting everyone has given me a bit of a spark! I hope to be able to do it again soon!!!!!

Kim

I am so happy you got to go! That is such a great crowd. Can't wait to see the pictures!

Kim,


Thanks for the toast..... Wish I could have been there....

I am so glad you had a good time and got to meet everyone.

I would have loved to meet all of you as well but Atlanta is to far away from here....

Again thanks for thinking of me....

Hurting

Kim -

As will have some pictures on the other thread soon. However, my pictures ARE NOT good. The lady who we entrusted to take our group shot apparently moved.

Maybe Peachy or AD's pix are better.

BTW - It was nice to meet you too. An extra added benefit was the opportunity for just a little more public exposure!!

Georgia

Hi Kim,

Glad to hear you had a good time!

Take care.

Called my intermediary today as I haven't heard from her regarding the schedule I e-mailed for WH to see DS. Sara has not checked her e-mail since last week - I am so frustrated!! WH says he can't afford to take DS out to dinner every time he has him. I was trying to be nice & give them plenty of time together....

Today was supposed to be WH picking up from sitter, back by 6PM so I could get DS in his costume. WH to take DS from 6:15 to 6:45 for Trick or Treating. Then me.

Tomorrow I had plans so I was going to have WH take DS tomorrow too & have him back home at 7:15 PM.

WH told Sara that if he could cook DS dinner at home then it would not be a problem. I told Sara that I didn't want a Wayward Husband in the house. That WH had made his choices and continues to make that choice. She said o.k., I will tell him.

So, I am getting DS today and I told her that I would just pick him up tomorrow as well.

I have been doing all the work arranging a schedule. I am done with that now. If WH wants to see DS he is going to have to let Sara know. Then if it fits in with my schedule and he has notified me in time I will say that it is o.k.

What do you guys think? It is too bad that WH can't afford to see his own son. So he is going to spend 30 minutes with him today. I will have to take DS with me tomorrow now that WH is not being co-operative.

Since I was so late getting home last night WH was in the house & put DS to bed. He got to read story with him, etc. so he now has his house fix. I am hoping that somehow the time that he had last night reminded him of what he is missing.

Charlie has not seen the e-mail about him asking WH not to come in the house.

Should I continue to offer up schedules for WH with DS??

Kim

I bet WH is with OW right now. They are both off. It makes me sick inside to just think of it.

K

I know what you mean, Kim,

I am glad the week the boys are with me is quite busy, but occasionally it dawns on me that that is the week WH can spend with OW trying to ignore the fact he is a husband and a father.

Not seeing or speaking to WH seems to help a lot with this.

When thoughts of WH and OW come to mind, I just try to think of things that bring a smile to my face or think of people that care about me (as opposed to WH and OW who do not!).

Take care.

NO

it is not a self-esteem issue

There is a battle between your Giver and your Taker ... remember this ... sacrificing your own needs will destroy the love you have left for your husband ... and ~this~ is one of the reasons you need to protect yourself with Plan B

Your love will die if you stay in contact with WH as he is right now ...

your self-esteem is tucked away somewhere for safe keeping

this is a Giver/Taker battle ...

Your Taker wants to protect you ... your Giver wants to protect your H

I know. I SOOO remember those days..

In reality, Kim, they probably aren't doing anything all that special..

They are STRUGGLING to make their SHAMEFUL relationship work...

Actually, this time together is a GOOD THING..

Hard for the BS in PLAN B to believe...

However, he is learning that she is a REAL WOMAN...smelly, sometimes irritable, just trying like all of us to make it from day to day...

She thinks that she has him now so she will become demanding and lovebust....

He does not have you to be the BAD GUY so they can have something to talk about or so he can justify to himself being stuck with her...

He does not have you to positively relieve him of any suffering...

SO REFRAME THIS IN YOUR MIND and be THANKFUL FOR THIS TIME THAT THEY HAVE TOGETHER.....