So what is your plan? Is he still coming in the house every day?

Yep. He was here today. I am going to talk with the attorney tomorrow. I want to see what he says about me locking WH out even with a LS.

I really am getting irritated about him coming in. He let's DS play outside with a friend while he sits inside playing a computer game. Doesn't have DS pick up after himself so the house is a mess. He could at least wash DS's clothes that I have sitting at the top of the stairs. Do something to be useful. But he never did that while he was here either.....OOPS. That wasn't nice. Just my irritable side talking here.

Kim

Do you then have to face him when you get home?

He doesn't come every day. I guess when he needs to do laundry, check mail or use the computer.

Nope, I don't have to see him. Sunday night DS was already in bed. I called Sara when I was 5 minutes away & she called WH to tell him to get ready to go. He pulls out when I am parked by the side of the house. Same for tonight. DS was upstairs reading a story when WH left, I pulled in.

You know, it just ocurred to me that your WH is less likely to act like an [censored] because Charlie and Sara will see whatever he does. That is a nice security blanket. hehe

Just a wee bit of a security blanket. I would like to see him not pay the mortgage and then explain it to them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I did have the mortgage bill sitting out today. He didn't leave a check, but I don't normally send it off until the 5th....

Kim

Exposed to the caregiver this morning. I was really going to just tell her that WH wasn't living at home in case DS said something. And since WH couldn't write her a check this week I had to take care of it.

She asked me if there was someone else(if WH was seeing another woman). I told her YEP.

Kim

Kim,

Sorry to thread jack but My H also been pressuring to to take out a second mortgage on the house. He says that he wants it to do home improvements. I think that he wants some money to pay his CC off. Up till the A we always had joint CC and I always made sure there was no balance. When H started seeing OW he got his own CC and now he has ran the balance up to the limit. I don't want to take out a second mortgage because what if I have to buy him out of the house later.

Let me know if you can legally lock him out of the house. It might come to that for me.

Mornin -

If you get a LS, part of that can be that he not be allowed in the house, even if he is still req'd to pay the mortgage.

Georgia

Hi Kim,

quote:-----------------------------------------------------
I am not settling for his crumbs or being a part of a triangle...

Why is it not bothering me that I am not wanting to call him all the time?? Why am I doing ok without him??...

I do want the M to work. Maybe it's just that I know who he is right now. A WH. I want no part of him while he is that WH who hurt me so deeply. So I guess that makes it easy for me to get along without him.....
-----------------------------------------------------------

I am on the same page with you on all these points.

I haven't gotten to a LS yet. I may have to.

You're doing great Kim.

Trying - I would in no way, form or fashion refinance with your WH. I intially thought that I might consider refinancing as I too had CC debt that I needed to get rid of. DON"T DO IT. It will free up more money for WH to spend on OW. One of the Paralegals I spoke with advised against it. Why in the world should his dirty money be in a house payment that you are helping pay off??

In my sitch it is only my name on the mortgage. So....if he doesn't pay it will be my credit that is ruined. The good news is that he can't get any info on the house and he can't do anything with a refi. The mortgage people will only talk to me.

As far as keeping WH out of the house - I still haven't gotten that question answered by an attorney. Georgia Guy says that a LS can keep him out. And if you read Hurting's post to my thread (Stressed out!! WH has not left check for mortgage) you will see an excerpt from her LS. It does state that the other party cannot enter the residence.

Georgia Guy, thanks for your post!!

I have had a bad afternoon. Why is it that you can be fine one day & so awful the next?? This whole thing with not hearing back from Sara has me worked out of shape. I left another message for her to call me regarding WH meeting me tomorrow, about the checks & about daycare on Monday. Still have not heard back.

I have been grouchy and sad this afternoon. Poor DS. And I yelled at his friends for not cleaning up after playing in the backyard.....

I'll feel better soon - It's date night with DS & we are going to pop some Popcorn & watch a show together.

Kim

Luna - So your WH has been good about $$ with you? Are you considering LS to keep him out of the house?

Kim

Kim, tough day I see...that's ok, you have a quota of allotted "bad days" and you should use them accordingly.

Go back and read some of your posts from 6 weeks ago. You went from this fearful timid woman who was getting railroaded and bamboozled by a dirtbag cheating husband to a woman who is not allowing any more ruination of her charcater. Yeah, I am sure somedays you think it is all an "act" and that you are not really that strong, but you are. Your Wayward is just esclating the stakes here hoping to throw you off YOUR PLAN....But ofcourse you are not going to let him right?

You have come too far now. I do hope that you someday get your marriage back intact (even if for your DS sake). Many months ago I would have secretely been hoping you would divorce your WH and show him the Divorce curb.....but slowly but surely I have learned that what may be "right for me", may be so "wrong" for someone else. Either way, you are cementing new standards for yourself. New standars of self love, integrity and self esteem. That to me girl is RECOVERY !!!!

You got dealt a piece of $hit in this life right now, but you are standing toe to toe with it. How much worse can it get? Two months ago, you thought you were gonna die, but look at yourself now. Your WH is probably going nuts inside as the "Old Kim" should have broke by now....and it is royally pissing him off.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am definitely not going to let him knock me off Lem. Thanks for reminding me how far I have come in this whole crappy sitch. I still wonder about my Plan A, but I realize that is behind me. I read how others have attracted their spouses back doing a good Plan A and then felt good going into Plan B knowing that even though the A was going on the Wayward Spouse at least had some warm feelings for the BS. In my case I don't feel like he had any warm feelings. Can Plan B still be effective?



We are all learning so much about ourselves on this board. It is amazing isnt' it? We are learning from each other. Pretty cool.



The financial pain definitely can't be worse than what he's done already. It just throws a bit of salt into the wound. I hope he is feeling something.......even if it is "pi$$ing him off".

Thanks!!
Kim

Well, met WH at the bank this morning. I was planning on getting there before him so I could just wait in the customer service manager's office. He beat me there & was standing in her line when I got there.

I am not sure how much of me he saw. He could have been watching me walking in from the parking lot b/c when I opened the door & walked in he was looking at me. I did not look into his eyes or face, but immediately went to the back part of the cust. serv. mgrs desk where I could stand behind a partition so I wouldn't have to see WH.

The mgr. was great and took care of everything as she promised. I didn't have to speak to WH at all. DS was with me so he was back and forth between the two of us. She whispered to me that I was doing good and that the "angels were watching over me." I thought of all my MB friends and how each and everyone of you were right there rooting me on to not cry. I know my hands were trembling as I signed the form and my name on the check.

I added a phrase to the first part of the form stating that I needed a mortgage check from WH before the check was cashed. He had to go back outside to get his checkbook. Not quite sure when he was planning on giving me a check for that. Not sure how he took that, but I really felt like I needed to protect myself that way.

He has put me in that position. I love H still, despise WH.

After, I treated myself & DS to Mexican! Yum.

Again, hard for me to believe that I am going through this.

Kim

Very proud of you Kim. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Very proud. See you even have the bank's management on your side. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Good job, Kim!! You are doing awesome. We should make Dr. Lemon eat another crow sammich for this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Orchid & MelodyLane!

One day at a time, right?

Kim

... sometimes it's one hour at a time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />