OH YEAH!!!!!!

Kim

I woke up full of self-doubt, confusion and sadness this morning. Lemonman's thread about "Warning" really has me thinking - those thoughts stayed with me through my sleeping hours and I woke up wondering what in the world I am doing. I know. I am trying to save my M.

I am questioning now more than ever each and every move I have made.

The devil is working hard on me with this and I don't even want to go to Church this morning. I have no hope for my M right at the moment.

Should I be doing something different? Would the Harley's advise me to do something other than what I am doing now?

Am I a fool to think that this whole thing will work out? I prayed last night and read the passages that Hurting's neighbor gave her to read.

Why do I feel so awful this morning?

It's WH's day to have DS.

Kim

Hey, hang in there. Your only doing what you think is right. I tried to get my wife back my own way and it did not work. Just gave me alot of pain. But again our sitches are different. I hope it all works out for you. I think we all cant belive or understand why we are going thru this crap.

Your not a fool. You love him. I was at a lunch yesterday with my wifes family, and I was talking to her cousin, told her how much I still love my wife. Well I guess she told my wife, I get a call her being mad at me. "Why did you tell my cousin you still love me" I said well ****** it must be horrid to have someone love you, and I hung up. Well she called back and said she was sorry.

Why do we still love these people? Ill never know. But I know I was there for my wife this weekend when her grandfather died. And I can look in my daughters eye with honesty something my wife cant do.

(((Kim)))

I believe that for both of us, it will work out. We just don't know what God has in store for us, but it will work out. I read somewhere "it all works out in the end, so if it hasn't worked out, it must not be the end".

When it is all said and done, I want to look at my life and see this experience as a small blip on the radar. Whatever happens, this will not consume or destroy us. We will walk out of this with more character, a better understanding of ourselves, and we will be better partners to the person God leads us to (either our FWS or someone better who appreciates us)

Hope your day gets better, my girls are gone too. Sundays stink sometimes, I need to make a new habit for Sundays.

((Kim))- good job at the bank. I wonder what his mortgage check plan was. Good job for getting the check from him first!

Thanks Falcon. I wish you the best also. I really hope it works out for you and your DD. I'm glad your wife called you back and apologized......

Kim

Kim, no you are not a fool to think it can work out. You are distraught because you are constantly having to deal with your WH. You had to interact with him yesterday at the bank. As far as what the Harleys would advise, just remember, you are following their program. That is exactly what the Harleys advised Mimi to do, and others to do. What you are doing is the best hope for your marriage.

What would be your alternative?

Jean -

Hi - I am getting ready to paint my bedroom too! I am in the "clean out WH's stuff mood" today. Maybe that's what I will do with my afternoon.

Thanks for the hug. I so need it right now.

I am worried about being in Plan B. I have been thinking about what you've said and others have about it. I really do believe it was my only choice, but I don't want a D. And that is part of what Plan B does.

I want my H back.

I know WH most likely didn't like that I had him give me the mortgage check yesterday in that manner. Yeah, maybe he was going to give it to me today? I just couldn't trust that.

Kim

Kim, why do you say this about Plan B? This is not part of what Plan B does. It is the AFFAIR that leads to D, and Plan B is your best hope of ending the affair. The goal of Plan B was to force him to see that the OW cannot possibly meet all his needs and to remove you from the daily ****** of his affair. Divorce is not part of Plan B and I am not sure where you got this idea.

Maybe the interaction with WH is playing a part in causing my funky mood today. A lot of it though is from LM's thread. I am following the Harley's program - but if I were counseling with them I wonder if they would modify anything like Mimi's or Eave's plans. I don't think so, but there is that wonder.

My alternative? I have no other. I would be lost, insane or who knows what without MB and the plans I have been following. I do believe in MB's. My brain is just replaying events like a movie in my head. I am overanalyzing my every move.

Kim

Kim, let me put it another way. Your marriage was most likely headed for divorce as it was with your H carrying on the affair with no consequences. He was wearing you down by having to deal with his affair daily. Your best chance of stopping it was to go into Plan B. The chances of D, IMO, decreased when you went into Plan B. Now, it is possible that your marriage does end in D, however, if it does, it was going to because it was destined to, not because of Plan B. If it does happen, you will know that you did try everything possible to prevent it.

I guess from reading some of the other threads.....A lot of the BS are scared about doing Plan B b/c they feel like it is going to lead straight to a D.

Melody, I am confused and distraught this morning is all. My mind is swirling with so many thoughts and concerns that I just cannot think straight.

I am just thinking that WH is either going to see that he CAN get along without me and that he is going to be JUST FINE with that.

I will be o.k. I know we all have days where we doubt ourselves. I know that I should not be focusing on my concerns with what WH is doing. If he comes back to me I will be ready to work on the M. If he doesn't then I will be strong enough to be on my own.

Kim

And I know that I couldn't Plan A any longer than I did. I couldn't continue the way things were. I wonder sometimes if I didn't throw him out and kept on with Plan A that he would have come around. See, a couple of weeks ago I questioned myself for doing to long of a Plan A. Now I am questioning myself for not going on with it further.

Geez. He's really got me messed up this morning.

I've got to just let this go and get on with my day.

I will know that I've done everything possible to save the M when it is done. Thanks ML.

Kim

So what color are you going to paint?

You are swirling this morning, stop it, that is WH's job. Focus...

I got pretty lucky on my paint, $3 a gallon on the clearance rack, when people get the wrong color. It was so close to what I wanted and I didn't have the $ for it. When I saw $3 so close to what I wanted, it was the high point in my day. I am so easy...

My baseboards are so clean, my sister bought me a fresh new blind, we hung a little swaggy thing over the window.

Don't be funky today!!

Kim, you will be just fine. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't have the occasional anxiety attack. Hang in there, you will feel better tomorrow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have a couple of color chips picked out. Either going with a Mediterranean Blue color OR a Mango color........

$3 for paint is awesome!!!

I just hope that WH is going through SOME KIND OF TURMOIL right now.

I'm slowly coming out of the Funk and the Anxiety mode.

Thanks Jean & ML.

Think I don't have time to get ready for Church now though.....I might give it a try.

Kim

I have just gotten to your thread, Kim.

All the feelings and doubts you are having, as you probably know, are part of the process and are normal. I certainly experience them too. It's just that now you are 'living' them, and they can be scary because it is all new 'territory'.

The counter-intuitive part about PLAN B seems to be that it requires a BS to not be in contact with WS. We want our M but we are choosing not to see our S? At first it doesn't make sense. It only makes sense when we realize that to continue contact with S/WS while in a triangle is not 'healthy'. If it is not broken by the WS, the damage would only continue and it now left up to the BS now to remove oneself, reluctantly, from it by N/C with WS.

With a PBL we have communicated to S/WS what our position is - our offer. The ball is in S/WS's court. S/WS may or may not take us up on offer, depending what they want out of life. I don't see anything else one can do....

Tolerate abuse by remaining in triangle? I don't think it's a healthy way to live, longterm.

Take care.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{KIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Kim

I do the same thing. I try to remind myself I can not change the past, I can only learn from my mistakes. Everyone is right in that it is unhealthy to remain in a triagle. This is where I am right now so I know. I know you want your H. I can feel your pain. You have been so strong and I only hope I can be as strong as you when it is time for me to plan B. Focus on yourself and not WH, let WH worry about you, you don't worry about him.

Do something for yourself or something you enjoy and you will feel better

Hang tough Kim!

You are doing great--it is just one of those days--I can't imagine--I have only been doing PB for 2days.

IT is better in my case than the cycle WH and I had going. The break is needed even though it is so tough.

So I will say focus on you as it will be healthy for you in the long-run. I can't focus on anything right now let alone me so I sympathize with you.

((((HUGS))))

Luna - Thanks for your post. I know I will have days where I am freaking out. I AM SO VERY GLAD that I am not in that triangle anymore. I am looking better now, feeling beter overall.......I appreciate your support! There was no way I could continue to endure the damage the triangle was causing.

Trying - I am rooting so hard for you. You keep hanging in there too!!

Albany - Plan B is pretty tough. I think Plan A was definitely worse for me though. Once you get through the first week or two of Plan B, you will begin to have days that you realize - Hey! I didn't have to snoop today or I didn't cry today. And it will get better....

Kim

Kim, you have sounded almost like a new person the past 7-8 days. You sound more peaceful, more confident, more at ease. I know it is not easy for you, but the improvement does show. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />