Thanks MelodyLane! Makes a huge difference not having to deal with the drama and the pain of the A. You told me though that after the shock wore off in 2 weeks time or so that I would feel a lot more peaceful. You were 100% right!

Kim

Kimberly - Don't doubt Plan B. Plan A very seldom works for ending the affair. Folks usually have to go to Plan B. So trust in the program.

Kim- i have followed your thread, and you are doing great. Like you I was kinda scared to go plan B, but as melody put it D might be enivetable with or without planb, but my personal recovery will be a lot healthier and quicker by going through plan b. Life is way better without the drama, and alot more healthier on us,able to put some needed weight back on.

Keep strong and enjoy your DS.

Kim,

I agree with ML - seeing a lot of improvement about how you're feeling!

Whenever I find PLAN B 'tough' I just need to remind myself about how it was with the chaos and drama of being part of a triangle, and all of a sudden it changes to 'appreciation' for PLAN B and what OMG where would I be without it!

Let me see - the last time I 'saw' WH was when I accidentally ran into him at the library in early September. One obvious conclusion? I can live without him being in my life! Seems I wasn't convinced of that before. But, really now, I do have my moments. Expect them. Had a hard time sleeping last night. So, just hope tonight will be better, that's all there is to it.

Let's take this PLAN B one day at a time, and before you know it, it will be months, and you will find that you are 'still here', but just more proud of yourself.

HUGS - HUGS - HUGS

Update - I am very close to feeling up to changing the locks on the house. I know I should have done it weeks ago, but it didn't feel right.

After weeks of WH coming and going while I am at work, hanging out here with DS, taking an occasional shower, etc. I do believe I have finally gotten to the point where it does irritate me that this WS is entering the home.

Why should the WS be allowed the privilege of coming into a home that I shared with a person who loved me for so many years? I want only my H in the home, not the WH.

Sure, this could cause him to not pay mortgage and bills. After the early month scare that I wasn't going to get a check from him for mortgage he did pull another bill from the "bill drawer" and pay it on his own accord.

Since I never spelled out him staying out of the home and I don't think Charlie is comfortable in telling him to stay out, I thought I would write one addendum to the Plan B letter.

"WH,

Your R continues with OW. It still pains me to know this. I would appreciate it if you would respect my wishes and stay out of the home until this relationship ends. If you need anything, please let Charlie or Sara know and I will be sure it gets to you. I love you still and will wait for that day when we can be together again.

Kim"

Then, if he continues to come in I can change the locks....

Thanks Believer, Bigwave and Luna - It so helps to read these notes of encouragement and support. There's not too much on the surface with us Plan B'ers that people can see going on - WH is out of the picture, so not too much to report. So it's nice to just have a word of encouragement here and there!!!

Kim

Kim, I like that idea very much. It is bothersome that he wants to live a single life, but does not want to give up the comforts of home. I think that allows him to prolong the affair. Do you think he is still seeing the OW?

You have been really thinking on this one, haven't you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Yep, I've been thinking it through.....Back and forth.

I don't have any proof that he is still seeing OW. I just assume he is ----

I had dinner with Charlie & his kids last night. He asked if I'd had contact with WH. I told him No. It seemed to be a weird question to me, guess he and WH aren't talking that much. I changed the subject & didn't ask about WH at all. Hopefully word will get back to WH that I am doing good.

Charlie did say that Sara told WH that her mom would be in town for 2 weeks during Christmas & he couldn't stay in the guest room then.....

Our Federal tax refund came yesterday so I suppose WH will be using some of that money to fund his A further. I hope he uses it to pay down some of his CC bills instead.

Should I give the note to Charlie/Sara to give to WH or leave it in the house for him to find?

Kim

Kim, I was thinking it would be better getting the note frm them. That way he hopefully won't leave you a note in the house or do anything bizarre there.

That is an extremely safe bet and "assumption". Continue on as "planned".

You "win" (and are winning, if I might say so) in the end no matter what happens to the marriage.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Was thinking better to give the note to Sara or Charlie also.

I keep going one hour at a time LemonMan. thanks!!!

Kim

Hiya Kim,


Just checking in on ya. Sounds like your doing good.

I think changing the locks is the best thing you can do. WH needs to stop getting his home fix.

Have you found an attorney yet? I hope you can find one and get things done before it becomes a problem for you.

Take Care,

Hurting

As soon as my WH has everything out I'm also going to change locks because he is procrastinating even moving all the way out because of the "home fix" that he had always been able to maintain in the past. Not for much longer though--we'll see how he likes those apples.

You are doing great Kim.

Hi -

Just checking in. My mom has been here since Thursday. Has been nice to have her here!! Missed keeping updated with everyone though.

Is it normal to have feelings of anger & even hate at this point for the WH? It is getting very hard it seems to separate WH from H. I can't believe that he is still choosing OW over me and DS. It almost seems that the longer he stays away the more angry I get. Is this just a phase I'm going through??

Kim

I hope its normal, I run the gamut from love-hate-pity-fear all for my WH in the course of days or sometimes hours.

Enjoy your momma!

Thanks Jean - I am just feeling frustrated right now. Our Federal Tax check came in so I'm going to have to go through the bank thing with WH again. I applied for a Home Equity Loan & was approved since my name is on the Mortgage, now they are telling me that DS will need to be there for the signing since his name is on the deed. I'm thinking of backing out of the loan all together.

Also, I am not sure but I think Sara is tiring of being the intermediary. I have not been calling her for things very often, but I feel like I might have to start an e-mail correspondence with WH soon since I believe this Plan B is going to go on for a while.

Just venting a bit here.


Kim

Kim,

Glad you are enjoying your mom's visit. I am sure that help a lot.

As far as your feelings go I would say they are normal. Mine change all the time. Guess its part of the rollercoaster.

Take care and enjoy mom.......

Hurting

I am still feeling so angry. I want to yell and scream at WH. I want him to snap out of it. What in the world is he doing???? You are a married man. You are taking the Coward's way out. To scared to stand up for what's really right. To weak to work through the problems. To weak to stand up to your demons. You are going through life right now with your eyes closed and during this time your child gets used to you not being around. That is sad and pitiful.

I wrote a lot in my journal tonight, but am still feeling a lot of different emotions. I just can't get them out.

Is WH happy with the way things are right now?? Is he enjoying his single life??

ARGH.

Kim

you're doing awesome...do the lock thing.

I have a red throat btw...my cell phone has been unusually quiet btw..

my throat hurt all day at work..coughing is back...geez I hope it's not a relapse of last month's walking pneumonia...

I feel awful...getting ready to go to bed in a bit.

Peachy -

I am close to doing the lock thing. My mom was in town, so didn't do too much thinking about the WH, etc. I still have not told my mom what WH has done. She just knows that I had him move out.

I did really good while she was here as far as staying upbeat until Sunday when I knew WH was going to come by to get DS......Mom just hugged me and held me. We cried togther.

Sorry you are feeling bad!! Did you get this from DS?? Most likely, huh?? Get some rest so you can be well for Thanksgiving.

Kim