sounds like you are doing a really good plan B

Thanks eav - it's all I've got left to do. I have listened to his messages in the past, but they've always been about the same thing. He knows what he needs to do -

Kim

I thought for certain that I had posted this before, but I can't find it, so I'm going to say it - new words this time - if the message is a repeat, consider that Sara needs to get the message across to the marital felon.

A refinance is a contractual relationship. It binds your husband and you together. The bank does a credit check on both of you to discover "credit worthiness" or the ability to honor a contractual relationship.

A marriage is a contractual relationship in the eyes of the government; and a covenant relationship in the eyes of God. Most people consider that God's law is more absolute with longer lasting consequences than a contractual relationship.

So how is it that your husband dares to submit an application to you (the repetitive petition to refinance), knowing full well that you know his credit unworthiness when it comes to contractual or covenant relationships with you?? Would he dare go to a bank after breaking a contractual relationship with them - defaulting on a loan, then ask for more money in a new contractual relationship?

His marital credit score is in the bankruptcy zone - the man needs a clue - HE DOESN'T LIVE IN THE MARITAL HOME!!! And he's refusing to rebuild his credit score before asking for more credit.

Doesn't he know that asking for credit/applying for credit while in bankruptcy only drops the credit score?

Tell Sara you don't take stupid pills anymore. and you don't extend emotional or financial credit to someone who has blown his credit-worthiness with you, and continues to persist in applying for credit without taking the necessary steps.

No refinance. Not now. And probably not ever at this rate.

He's a marital grifter, and he still thinks you're willing to be a griftee. Just like the bank would review his credit worthiness and his track record of keeping commitments, he needs to strongly consider how in the toilet his credit score is with you - and that at this time you refuse to extend another dime of credit until he cleans up his current mess.

He has demonstrated a decided inability to keep and honor contractual or covenant relationships.

Aw-shucks - it'd probably fly right over his head and he'd say,
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

KaylaAndy - I do feel quite insulted that he continues to bring this up. He is not worthy.

I still have not listened to those voicemails. I don't trust myself to go in and delete them yet either.....I'm afraid once I log-in to my voicemail I will listen to them.



Bingo! And the longer it goes on that I did not refinance with him, the prouder of myself I get. It is Non-sense that he would even think I would do that with him.

That was an excellent post - I am going to print it out for possible future reference! I carry around a post from ML at all times too in case the need arises!!

I did receive ANOTHER note from WH brought in from DS. This time on a napkin. I should have thrown it away immedidately, but I read it. Here it is:

"I need the backup CD for the computer. The newest date. It should be in a small package of CDs in the top drawer of the file cabinet. Can I get when I pick up DS Sunday. Thank You."

He continues to cross my Plan B boundaries. That too is insulting. I don't know if he gets the feeling that Charlie and Sara are getting fed up & is just contacting me directly now for things. So, should I ignore the note altogether OR send him a note back with the CD stating to please refer to the letter I gave him about communication. OR contact Sara & tell her to ask WH to contact them for any communication.

If I ignore the note & don't get him the CDs he is going to consider it "mean". I think he needs something from it for his new job starting Monday.

Kim

I don't even know what he's talking about with a "back-up CD for the computer." I don't see anything in our cabinet that says that. Does he want the software??

K

Since when did he consider you? I mean, since when did you know anything about what he considers "mean" or otherwise, since it's none of your business in deep dark plan b?

Tell Sara to remind him of the rules - if he needs something desperately, now is not the time to show you disrespect!

Point taken!! Not for me to worry about. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'll talk to Sara tomorrow. I try not to call her with this stuff too much! But, it's WH that's causing the call --- not me.

I think I found the CD - I guess it's a backup of all of our files.

Thanks KaylaAndy!!

Kim

Financials as well? None of his business right now - fodder for filing for divorce? Or Refinancing on his own and forging your signature? No enabling now, dear! Resume stuff only...

You are a sharp one! I do not have any "personal" info on the computer. But there is no reason for him to have my files at all. A good chunk of my stuff is work related. His folder includes passwords to credit cards, websites, realtor info, resumes. Contact names & numbers of business associates. There is also a folder on the CD with pictures of DS.

I could perhaps install a new CD and just copy his files for him -----

Kim

Kim I bumped the Atlanta get together thread for you.

tdr

tdr - thanks....I'm just now reading that. I'll hunt it down!

I'm bumping this for RiverTam -

Kim

Thanks!

Thanks Kim, this was great, informative (and long! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />) reading.

Your Welcome!

Well, my update for today is that it's been rough. Lunamare is so right. The less you know about what the WH is doing, the better. I was tempted to throw in my Plan B towel today, but my good friend ML is right. Plan B is most likely working. I just don't like what I am hearing from the mediators right now.

WH & OW meeting for dinner. That sucks.

I am completely worn out from the day. You guys have a good night, I am turning in early.

DS has to be at school at 7 AM!! ARGH! He tried out for the school muscial last month & got a spot!! Pretty good for a 6 year old!

Kim

Great news about your DS!

And I agree about not knowing. Every time I hear WH is with the OW (and now that it's school vacation here it's a LOT - I think she must be living at his place at the mo) I die a little death. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there, you're doing great.

Help -

Trying to figure out what to do. WH started new job this week so the scheduling needs to be changed & confirmed. WH has left vm for me saying when he wants to pick up. I have pretended not to listen to them.

Last word I got was from Charlie Tuesday night that WH has not returned his calls. I do not want to call Charlie as I don't want to open myself up to anymore of his hurtful babble. I am in the process of trying to get a new intermediary.

Do I just keep going - pretending that I didn't listen to the VM? WH called again this morning to most likely talk to DS before he got on the bus & to tell DS the schedule. He left a VM again. I have not listened to it.

He is completely ignoring the fact that he is to communicate to me through Charlie. Granted Charlie is on the outs as mediator, but for now Charlie did say that he would continue.

I was thinking of not being home tonight.

Kim

**bumping for help**

If I'm not home, it could be considered mean & that I am not allowing WH to see DS. BUT, he has not gone through the mediator. He left a message on my cell.

I really think Charlie talked to WH. But Charlie and WH have decided Charlie's not going to let me know that. I think this b/c part of my message was that DS had to be at school early WED & WH didn't make his usual morning call to talk to DS before he got on the bus that morning.

His old schedule was to get him on Thursdays at the bus stop. But now that he is working a "8 to 5" job, should I just assume that he is coming by to see DS sometime on Thursday evening after work?????

Kim

Kim, I would only do what you have agreed to do through your mediator. You are the one in control here, not him. Don't sweat it.

Well, I thought about it. According to me, I have not heard back from the mediator regarding today. I decided to leave work on time to pick up DS from the neighbor(he actually was not at the regular sitters house today).

WH IS PROBABLY STEAMING MAD AT ME RIGHT NOW.

He was at the regular ladie's house, the other neighbor is three doors down. I pull beside the house where DS is. WH sees me and gets in his car and pulls behind me and gets out. DS comes out of the house & Said "Hi Daddy" "I want to go with mommy today." And proceeds to get into my car. I hear WH say something to DS and DS says "We can do it another night."

DS shuts the door. WH drives away.

Did I do the wrong thing??????

2 minutes later I get a call from WH. And a Voice Mail.

So, what was I supposed to do? I never heard back from Charlie. How am I supposed to know his new work schedule. WH decided not to communicate through Charlie. Which I think Charlie encouraged this whole thing.

I also e-mailed OWH to see if he was open to receiving information. OWH e-mailed back saying that he was. I was heading out of work, so I guess I need to e-mail him now.

WH IS GOING TO REALLY BE MAD.

Guess I should brace for the threat of a D again.

Spoke with BIL about being the new mediator. BIL said he most likely would but needed a day or two to think about it.

OH Gosh. At least I don't have to listen to WH tell me how I putting OW in danger.

Kim

lol! Surely he wouldn't try that one again???? hahahaa

I think you did great. I am so disappointed in Charlie. As soon as you told me WHY you didn't hear back from him I agreed 100% that you shouldn't let him have ds. They have ganged up on you to try to get you to break plan b! grrrrr And you handled it superbly!

Good job on contacting the OWH.