My WH had a date with another woman in 01 (5 months after we were married. We fought and I kicked him out for a few days. We worked everything out. He continued an EA/secret phone calls with same lady up until 03. Then I threatened to leave and he got us into Marriage Counseling. MC was very successful for us. Back then my WH always thought he could possibly have a Sex Addiction or just a porn problem and he thought he could deal with it on his own. These things were briefly addressed in MC but not in depth. On Sunday, I found out that he's been struggling again with these thoughts for months and he has gone to 2 sex shops watching movies and the like. I also found out that he had a one time thing (a BJ from a customer during a test drive) last week! Since 03 we had gone to counseling, been in R and everything was going well..until now. I feel betrayed of course. I have been trusting him and everything and now BAM, I'm back to square 1!! Yesterday, I told him that I wanted to separate/divorce because I don't want to be a fool again. I can't take the lies and the hurt. If it were just the lies about the sex shops, I told him I would have no problem sticking by his side and helping him through this, but he took it to the next level and had sexual contact. I keep separating the BJ from him being a Sex Addict. I just feel that he should have thought about us before he let anything go that far, especially since he almost lost us 2 times before!! I feel that he should have been able to control that and instead of her going down on him and then him saying, "Oh no, I'm married!" I think it should've hit him first!! I don't think he should ever be able to put his family on the back burner. He has been remorseful, crying and trying to figure out a way to keep me with him. After the 2nd occurrence, we did a private renewal of vows. How can our marriage be saved now? How many times can one break the vows? It just seems like the vows, rings, and I am an after thought. He found an SA meeting and went last night and is there right now. He feels that this is the root of our problems and he desparately wants to save his family. I love him with all that is in me and I want to keep our family together.I have a 3 yr. old and am 6 months pregnant. I really want my kids to have a family with dad at home but I don't know if it is worth all of this pain and misery. I feel like he has broken my spirit so much and I am a totally different person as far as my self-esteem and security levels. I hate that but I can't imagaine my life without him in it. There seems like so much uncertainty and if his BJ was due to his SA then he cannot guarantee that it won't happen again. I'm so confused. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
