I really belive she is nuts. She does not remember when her "affair" ended and that night she asked me to "make love to me". She is such a user and does not care one damn pit who she uses. Im glad now that im getting out of this mess. Im just sorry that this woman had my kids.

Big fight lastnight and I was blamed for everything. She says I take responsiblity for the affair but it was your falt. You pushed me into the arms of another man. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

She is pissed to no end that I have told her parents almost everything that has gone on these last 5 months. The affair, the other men she has had sex with, the way she used me, the way she led me on. Well I told her, those were her choices, stupid choices, not my fault she made those.

Funny, I get blamed for the way she has chosen to live her life. So we got in a big fight lastnight and I tossed her keys up on the roof <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Should I really let her family know everything she has done? There is sooooo much more I could tell. Or just get the f-out and be happy that im out of this insane, abused family and try to get my daughter away from them?

well, your w sounds like my h... same old story. oh yes, i am to blame as well for everything in our marriage. i am now told that he never even wanted to get married in the first place. imagine that. man, i must be one powerful woman if i can force a man to marry me without a gun to his head! my h has some serious issues that have shown up in the past 3 years or so. everytime we have tried counseling or he goes alone as soon as it gets too hard, gets into childhood stuff and feelings, he stops going. so we never ever got anywhere. just easier to blame me i guess.

my h is a user too. he used me these past 3 years for a place to live and someone to share bills with ,etc, because it was just easier for him. I will respond more to you later, i can really relate here.... i gotta run though now. mlhb

Falcon;

I am in a recovered marriage now but last spring I thought my wife had mental problems as well. I forget your entire situation but I can tell you that every WS behaves as if they are a lunatic. They are completely lost to themselves, God, and their family. They abandon everything and everyone for their addiction with OM or OM's. Their minds are so consumed with getting their next fix and manipulating/lying to those around them that their memories are distorted. I currently inform my wife of little things that happened last spring and she has little to no recollection. You just exposed so let things cool off and ignore the fog babble. An angry wife is better than a withdrawn wife.

I do have a comment on this statement by you.


I hope this is just venting. You've been told you should never leave. You will be unlikely to pull your child out of the situation if you abandon the marital home. I think you've been counseled here already on the way to go about obtaining custody. If not, read up on it on some other threads and ask questions.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

I moved out already been out for 4 months then back in for a month and 1/2. I was stupid, I did not know of this site or anything like it.

At this point im really not sure I ever want this bit** back. Today was my 41st birthday, we had to be in cort for a bankruptcy hearing. Well talking to the attorney I see her calander open and see little hearts around the days. Well for her that means she screwed her boyfriend. Yep she has another boyfriend, lives an hour away. She opened it up so im sure I could see the hearts. when she left I said "how cute you use the same thing when we dated" she gave me a ugly look.

Right now I cant stand to look at her, she makes me sick. She is a who**, does anyone right now. I know she was molested and really I think alot of this comes from that but how much can one man take? I just give up, hope she gets som e horrid STD and just dies slowly.

Yea im HURT AND MAD right now.

Excuses for why she does what she does can go just so far....and then the rest is up to you!!!

Falcon -

Why should your wife take the responsibility for anything??? It is much easier for the WS to put the blame on the BS. And they do rewrite marital history big time. Mine said the "passion in our M had always been off."

She has to be angry right now for the exposure. They will say some of the meanest things after exposure.....

I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. I know it is awful. This too shall pass...one way or another.

Kim

Kimberlyh I have read what you have gone thru, im so sorry for you. I to have been thru my own kinda of ******. The affair as it turned out was the catalyst for alot of what she has done these last 4 months. It ended horrible for everyone involved. But its the other guys she has just "booty called" that is killing me. She just wont stop.

I really dont wish anything bad im just so hurt its killing me. She will wake up one day and understand what she has done. Or I hope she will.

My wife sounds similar to yours falcon. I told her that she was evil last night. I kind of regretted it after I said it, but she is definitely lost her moral compass right now. Everything about her behavior feels like another betrayal. I'm ready to file for divorce, I'm just waiting to figure out if I want to fight for custody or not, plus I could sue her for the affair and the STD I got from her. I'm just not sure it's the right thing to do. What good will it do to ruin her financially???

I hope your wife comes around. I think most do, but unfortunately some don't.

All I know is I want this woman to hurt, and hurt bad. To pay for what she has done to me and my kids. Im so sorry about what happend to you. Women are some screwed up humans.
I hope someday she understands and really says she sorry and means it to me. But what sucks is I still care for her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

She is mentaly just crazy right now, and she has taken me on this crazy ride with her.

Falcon, write down five ways that your W can properly pay for the hurt she caused you and your kids.

I tried in my sit and apart from death by torture and such silliness nothing came close.

All WW behave as if mentally incapacitated. Friend WAT used to write they were alien abductees, replaced by barely functioning pod people facsimiles while they were experimented on back at the mothership.

almost ALL WS rewrite history
almost ALL ws behave as if crazy or posessed
and
Almost all successful recovering BS control themselves and behave like what they are - the only adult capable of rationality in their children's lives right now.

Falcon, it is in yru person best interest and that of you rkids that you get a grip of yoru emotions right now whenther you divorce or not, you will need to prevent your indignation and pain from ovewhelming you. Don;t fight craziness with craziness.

Study MB. Breathe. Exercise. Pray. Invest in your kids and you will gain some perspective.

Don't take any life-affecting decisions when you are as emotional as you are right now.

All blessings.

Had a hour long talk today with my wife (cant seem to write x-wife). I told her it was be being used over the last 4 months that have really hurt me beyond the divorce. Again she rewrote history, like when she said she needed time, she said that time and time again, but today she said she said that because she was confused. Please she says that now because she has someone if she did not it would be Hey honey come on over.

I hope she wakes up someday, and really understands the pain she caused. She thinks just because we seperated what ever she did after that was just fine <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> But again we never really split up, i moved back in for a month and 1/2 and we dated and had sex this whole 4 months.

Very wierd, but today I took my first steps, I ask a woman out for dinner, I got a maybe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> but I did it. Time for me now, my feelings not hers. For now atleast or im going to go insane.

Are you divorced Falcon?

Well im on my way <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> She filed in July. I cant change her mind either, she wants to be single, she does have the "fog" going on but there seems to be nothing I can do to change her mind.

So far she has been with 5 guys, in 5 months <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> She is a bit out of control.

Im not going to sit around and wait either, I have tried for months to be there for her and all I got was to be used. Im just so tired of it all. I do still love her but it hurts to much to care anymore. I cant control anything she is doing. But I have made it clear in more ways then one. There wont be another man in that house unless she gets remarried. My 19 year old son is makeing sure of that.

Falcon

Experience on this board shows that " plan B " is a great preperation for either divorce OR recovery. It allows you to operat outside the realm of chaos your WW lives within.

Staying in touch just exposes you to the madness and causes anger and resentment to flare up.

read up on Plan B, Falc, and at least consider doing it.

An unrepentant WW is;t worth burning up so many hurt cycles over IMO.

All blessings.

Thanks, I have read it but with my baby girl (8 years old) no contact is really not going to work. Plus, I know it sounds crazy but I still want to be her friend. We have been together since she was 16 years old, she is now 37. She was molested as a kid and I think alot of her sleeping around is part of that.

But as I said I want to be her friend. Its hard, she has a nutty family, and alot of times during the last 5 months all she had was me. It kills me, I know I have to let her go, and I have to a point. I dont check up on her, I dont drive by the house and stuff like that but when I do see her it kills me.

How can you love someone who has done what she has done? How do you just let go of your best friend, and we can still be friends just not husband and wife. Things will change im sure, when I meet someone but this woman will never be out of my life as long as I live. Someday we will have grandbaby, so in some way we will always be together.

I have tried to hate her, didnt work. Tried the no contact thing, did not work. I just have to hang in there untill I can look at her not as my wife but as my x-wife.

All I know is that I do miss her alot. God why doesnt the tears stop.

Falcon,

BobPure has given you some excellent advice. Plan B is not easy to to, but it will allow your emotions to heal and remove you from the person who is hurting you so terribly. Why continue to put yourself through that? You have got to give yourself this opportunity to recover YOU.

It will allow you to get stronger and focus on something other than your WW and what she is doing. For your sanity I highly suggest you consider it.

I have a 6 year old boy & I am doing Plan B. I have intermediaries who are handling the commmunication about visitation schedule with DS. It was not easy at first, but every day I see ME getting stronger & ME loving myself more. WH has made his choices. I love him & I want him back. I pray for him to come back every day.

But I knew I couldn't continue going on the way it was. Finding love notes in the house to OW, WH telling me he didn't want to work on the M, etc. I know this is long, but I am getting to the point in Plan B where I am finding some peace.

It allows the WS to see what it will be like without you. Can her emotional needs be met completely by these other men? Let her go through some withdrawal from you & see what it will be like to be D.

I know you are in much pain. I hope you will think about Plan B.

Kim

Well Kim I know the marriage is done, I know she has a boyfriend now, I have accepted that as fact. I dont call her, she calls me. I still hurt alot but I love my daughter more then life, and I will have a good relationship with her mother even if it kills me. I know it kills her when we either fight or dont talk.

We dont really have a visitation schedule, I just ask to see my baby and I do. When ever and how ever I want. Matter of fact she is on the couch as I type this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> She is my rock and my ayngel.

Plus my In-laws (mother in law) are insane. So the less I deal with her the better. I have no parents so im kinda on my own here. It will get better im sure. But I will never hate this woman and I will always have a spot in my heart for her.

I am moving on, I have more friends now then I ever had in my life, im a loner. Ill be fine just going to take time. Im sure one day down the road I will get that call, the honey im sorry call <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Ill just hang up.

My wife has soooooo many more problems then just the divorce and affair, I have to understand that and understand that the last 5 months she really has had no clue on what she is doing. She does not remember anything that has happend in the last 5 months. Crazy hu. But I guess when your whole family was sexual molested you kinda go nuts sometimes.

I hope thing are going good for you to. This crap is the hardest thing I have ever gone thru im my life and I have lost both of my parents. That was cake compared to this.

This crap is the hardest thing I have ever gone thru im my life and I have lost both of my parents. That was cake compared to this.

Me too Falc. Becoming a orphan was a doddle compared to betrayal.
Doing MB against my instinct helped fix it though. My baby's back in my life, my heart and my bed now. And SHE went crazy too. No saying you will get teh same, but I've seen stranger thing happen on thee boards mate, really.

Just saying, mate, detach if possible - remove yourself from the chaos so you can breathe clearly and drop your adrenaline levels a little.

All blessings

Im trying my hardest, as I said I dont call her at all unless its about my daughter. I want her to know what life is like without me. So far in the last 5 months I have been there for her, tho I have gotten mad and LB her and there but im only human.

I could see us someday getting back together but hopefully ill find someone who does love me now. I know my wife truely loved me for years, I was just to caught up into my own stupidity to see it, and if I could ever get back with her I would be a much differnt man. But I dont hold out any hope now.

I just want her to wake up and understand what she has done, she says she is sorry and all but I know that they are just words.

Thanks for all the advice. I know im not a bad man, im a man with a bad temper that I know and I need to work on that but im a damn good father and will be a damn good husband someday.

& remove yourself completely from HER chaos. That doesn't mean that you stop loving WH or caring for her. Set up a strict visitation schedule if you don't have anyone to be the go-between for you. But don't let her hear your voice, don't let her have communication from you, money, etc.

She is in a FOG. Like you said, she doesn't know what she's doing & doesn't even remember the past 5 months.

I too, don't know what I would do without my DS. He is my joy and keeps me going every day.

Remove yourself from HER. Write a Plan B letter that gives her a path home to you.

Kim