I started a new thread because I could not figure out how to change the subject on my last threads...

Here is some history. My h has been having an A with an OW that works for him. the A has been going on approx 3 mos that I know of, I exposed the affair to his family,friends and boss. His boss had him fire the OW. Today the OW is cleaning out her desk. I have been in plan A since Sept trying to avoid LBs, exposing, changing. Also she is claming to be pregnant but has not been able to show offical proof.

Here is where we are now. He continued to text message her after he told me he had stopped talking to her. I confronted him on the text messages and he said we still had work to do and would not agree to NC. Then he went out with her last night. When he came home last night he didn't say anything just held me tight. When I asked him what was wrong this morning he said you know. I think he is thinking of leaving.

Here are my questions:

1. From history is it common for a H to leave for the OW because she is pregnant?
2. My H wants me to take out a home equity loan to do improvements around the house but I want to wait till I see what happens how do I tell him this without LBing. I am worried he just wants me to pay off his credit card.
3. what do I do now. He won't agree to NC and I think she is convining him to leave.

Well, I can't answer your 'history' question...I'd guess that men often leave their wives for the OW, but often come back too.

As far as the loan...I'd tell him politely, but nicely, that until the two of you work out exactly what your future and your plans to get there look like, now might not be the best time to re-finance. If he pushes, then tell him politely and calmly that you're not willing to do so at this time because you don't want to get stuck with the bills if things don't work out between you.

Read up on Plan A and B...and give us more specific information...how long have you been married, are there kids involved, how long has the A gone on, etc...

It's hard to offer advice without knowing more detail.

I am so sorry you have to be going through this. I think a good question for yourself is, would you want your husband if he had a child with this o/w?
Only you can decide that.
I know it went through my mind, wondering if xwh EA extended to a PA, especially since o/w has never been pregnant before with her husband, but has tried in the past to get pregnant.
For me, If I found out that xwh had actually had a PA resulting in the birth of a child, I would no longer want to be married to him.
For me the reason would be:
1) I would not want to deal with the feelings of resentment and pain everytime my xwh was to see the child and o/w.
I could not do it. I would not want to be in a position to wonder if he was going to be unfaithful everytime he saw o/w while picking up o/c.
But that is just my feelings and opinion.
You have to decide what you can handle, only you know your limitations.

If you wanted to keep a journal so you could review advice everyone is giving, you could start one thread and give it an intial title, say "Tryingtogetit and need your help". Then when you need to ask a different question reply on your thread and change the subject box in the reply. I changed mine so you could see it. When you change the subject box it shows up on the main topic index.

By keeping everything in one place you would have a history to refer to and journal that would be helpful along the way. There are some others who do this and everyone gets accustom to checking their thread to see how they are doing.

I agree with Believer who posted to you on your other thread. I think that you should continue with your PLAN A for as long as possible. Even if he leaves, you can continue to PLAN A.

PLAN A involves FOCUSING ON YOURSELF and NOT WHAT YOUR WH IS DOING. During PLAN A, he will be continuing to see the OW. In your WH's case, I think he is scheming to leave you. I think you are right about that. Remember: YOU CANNOT CONTROL WHAT HE DOES, YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOURSELF.. This is crucial for you to remember...

Focusing on yourself, be the best person that you can be.. If you want to work on your marriage, tell your WH calmly and assertively. Do not beg, do not whine, do not confront.. TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT AND HOW YOU FEEL. Tell him how sad it makes you for him to be with her...

Your WH is following the standard script. Do not think of him as being any different than many of the WSes that you read about here. My FWH spent weekends and nights with the FOW. He eventually left me and even moved in with the OW for several months.

Looking back now, what has been most important are the changes that I have made in myself. I am a better person overall-a better mother, a better friend, a better wife. I am certainly RESPECTED now by my H.

Work on being the GODDESS THAT YOU ARE....YOU ARE HIS WIFE..STEP UP TO THE PLATE...AND FIGHT!!!!

So I get an email from H today that says

"So who is Cole"

I would really like to know who cole is. My H isn't answering his phone when I call and isn't responding to my emails. I am really curious to find out who cole is. It seems like h is looking to find me talking to someone else

Trying:

Do you read what I wrote to you in my previous post?

It's important to FOCUS ON YOURSELF and what YOU KNOW is true about you-not your WH...

He is a confused, foggy-brained WS...

He is panicking to find reasons to justify his A...

Maintain your stance, like a broken record, try to be as simple and clear as possible with him: "I want to work on our marriage.."