Okay so this time last year I was just beginning my EA...in early Nov it became a PA with D-day and the end of the A on Dec 17...

Just about to enter this time frame...H doesn't seem to be triggering yet...and I am not - i am sad that it all happened, but so graor where we are today and not being who I was last year.

My question is - I don't think H will bring up the times...but if he is showing no signs of triggers (whether he is having them or not) and of course I wont bring things up - should I maybe make things more special during this time in case - or just go on with life as normal? As a BS would it make you feel good that your FWW was making things better during this time?

I know that if it was me - when we hit 1 year for him in June, I would love to get that extra treament during that time, to remind me how sorry he is...but then again I am a woman, and he is a man - so his need for that may be different?

Any comments?

Maybe you could just tell him that you are thinking of him and want to be considerate. Could you ask him what he needs or wants?

I don't want to bring it up - because so far it doesn't seem to even be bothering him - I know both of us are very focued on now, and don't look back often - but of course being it's the 1 year - I am sure he will have moments - but of course - I could be wrong...

So I don't want to bring it up and trigger him, and I know if he does have a rough moment, more than likely - like moments in the past he will tell me, and I will do my usual to comfort him, love him, enjoy ourselves and bring us to the present - it's how we get through my rough moments and his - but we don't talk about what the rough moment is about - triggers us on both As - just mention rough moment and comfort eachother.

I guess my question is - should I be doing more even if he isn't triggering to show him how happy I am here a year later, and so glad it's not last year...or just continue as we have been?

Perhaps a change in your behavior will upset the balance. Maybe you could just wait and see how things go for him and apply comfort where it's needed.

Probably even he doesn't know quite yet how he will feel when the time arrives. When it does, only he will know what he needs.

I wish I could offer more in the way of answers.

Dorry...my friend...

is there really any good reason not to shower the people we love with love..........???????????????????????

does it have to be grandiose gestures...
or perhaps just laying out comfy sweat pants after work on the bed???

ARK

You are so right <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> but you see - those gestures of love are throughout both our days <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> we both in rebuilding our marriage make sure we have plenty of those gestures - its wonderful...actually because I am still healing from his A, when he has a bad day at work and I am the only one doing them I sometimes get scared but then remember we all have bad days <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I guess I will just keep doing what we are doing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And if we hit an anniversary bump in the road deal with it when it arrives <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I do love him so much, and just wanted to be sure all bases were covered in case this becomes a very hard time for him.

Thanks for you comments Froz...even though they aren't advice - they still help me see that maybe I am overthinking this? Every once in awhile I want to go back to the reigns of control...and I think this is one of these times...when truth is - I have no control - except over me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> so worrying about this is kinda pointless - what comes comes and I will deal with it when and if it comes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks tho <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Dorry,

Do you have some personal anxiety about the upcoming anniversaries?

It's good to give up control of ourselves too. When we try to control ourselves is when we start thinking about things like, "it's been a year, what do I do".

Just continue with life as you have and allow God to do the work as He has been.

thats a good question,

Last night after i posted - i thought why is this such a big deal - why am i worried, and thoguht maybe it's just me...I think though I get scared of how Sprint gets when he is hurt...he hasn't been like that since before his A, as he has changed how he deals with hurt too - we focus on the now and the future...and it works for him too...but I worry...maybe it's a bit selfish, as life is so good right now, i don't want us to hurt and want to prevent it if i can...

I know personally - I am very saddened right now remembering who I was a year ago today, and at the same time SO grateful that I am no longer that person and so happy we are where we are - i guess I don't want anything to ruin where we are...perhaps untrusting at this point of how well we can deal with it - albeit we have dealt with every other bad moment just fine...

Maybe I am PMS'ing?? lol I tend to overthink at that time...but being that I had a hysterectomy - I never know if I am unless I am tracking moods...lol - but it seems about the right time...

See you made me ramble froz <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Can you have PMS without a uterus or ovaries????

I just asked that question because I wondered perhaps you were anxious about the year mark.



Nah. I don't think it's selfish to care for your H and your marriage.

Feel free to ramble away. I have all day.

I wonder why an anniversary is such a big deal.

Here is my take. I was a horrible cheater that deserved to die. After being found out and nailed to the ground on it, That time came to an abrupt halt.

One month after DDay, I was only one month seperated from being that low-down dirty dishonest person that cheated on someone I loved.

Six months after DDay, I was six months removed from the crap-patriot and actually had moments of good-patriot in my history to look at again.

At one year, why wouldn't you be even more happy if you have truly seperated yourself form the sins and turned away from the evil?

the further I get away from the evil deeds I did and replace behaviors with constructive ones(timewise) the better I feel about me. I will never forget what I did. But it sure is nice to have recent good history.

Perhaps the anniversary is a reminder of the pain. Much the same way someone who loses a loved one to death feels sadness during the time of year they lost their loved one.

Just a guess.

I have absolutely nothing to base that on, never having experienced the death of a loved one or a D-Day anniversary.

It's easier for the mind to deal in fixed periods of time or fixed events. These become categories that the mind can always go back to and store memories in. The more significant the event the more locked the memory becomes. A memory that is more unique also forms a new branchs in the mind that become locked.

I would say something like revealing an affair is significant and very painful. So those memories are locked and there for a long time.


And a note to Patriot....your acts may have been horrible and dishonest, but you need to consider yourself as a decent person who is looking to improve upon themselves and move forward. Separate the acts from the person....I figure that is the way God sees me.

I have my ovaries - so i still cycle - i just dont bleed due to lack of uterus and cervix - but still have the same hormonal cycles - ovaries dont change....lol

I think we ought to get together again and play whatever that game was we played. Froz and I need MB friends. Just my thought.

Watch those ovaries, Dorry. They might check out early on you and then you'll wind up like me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yeah - watching me for sure <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> So far all hormone checks done by doc (blood tests) say they are kicking strongly teehee - thank goodness.

Yeah Pat - that sounds like fun...if we can catch Sprint in an evening or weekend - poor guy is over worked hehehehe - I will metion it to him tonight though for sure and we should <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />