It seems to me that it is that phrase "calling on the carpet" that seems to have riled some folks.

Committed, could you read Patriot's post again and omit that phrase and see if it still reads hostile to you?

I guess I'm not seeing any difference between Patriot pointing out something he felt or saw about Bob and Mulan that he thought might benefit them and Bob and Mulan pointing out anything they felt or saw to Ray.



I don't feel antagonized at all by your question, and I appreciate you sharing your observation and don't mind answering it at all.

No. We don't need to have a common enemy in order to connect with each other.

I'm not saying that we have never connected as a result of being on the same side of a particular debate, but we have connected without that element.

That IS NOT the case here. We are not connecting as a result of this thread. We haven't even communicated about it, other than the discussion we had about Ray's original thread just prior to Patriot posting this one. As a matter of fact, we haven't communicated at all, really, other than the discussion about Ray's thread, in a couple of days.

So, that's a negative on the bond theory...at least regarding this situation.

I am also not necessarily defending his position. I am talking about my own opinions and experiences.

I also don't perceive Melody as an enemy. She just has her own opinion, as do I. I often agree with her. There may be times when she also agrees with me. This just happens to be a case where our opinions are differing.

Again, it's not the phrase, it's the ACT. If you don't understand that, you are missing the point.

Wouldn't the intent need to be hostile in order for the gesture to be? If there was no hostile intent, would the hostility be a matter of someone's perception?



I feel qualified to share my opinion, particularly since Bob specifically asked me a question. I was not lecturing Bob on his style. It isn't true at all that his style doesn't suit mine. You can't see that because it isn't how I feel. Again, you may perceive it that way, but it doesn't make it so.

I am positive on that one, because it is not how I feel, and that I AM an expert on (how I feel).

Bob's question to me was about the statement I made previously:



So he asked me this question:



And I answered it. Nowhere in my original statement did I say that I was referring to Bob's posts. So how could my answer be perceived as lecturing him on his posting style??? I have no pointers to give him, and agree that his posting style is not only effective, but just fine.



Your sarcasm, misunderstanding, and "closed mind" (the unwillingness to listen to what I am truly saying) are duly noted.

Isn't becoming anything (something possible to become, besides a baloney sandwich) a process? How does one get from A to B, Melody? Overnight? Instantly? If Ray doesn't instantly understand what others are telling him is he then a lost cause???

If it is, in fact, the phrase and not the act that is hostile...

Bob, did you feel it was hostile when I called you to the carpet to ask you a question (if you recall the time I did so)?

It is my opinion that the intent would have to either be present or perceived.

It is also my opinion that the hostility is perceived in this case.

I don't think you did anything wrong, Bob.

It appears that Melody THINKS that I think you did.

I don't.

frozen, if I hit someone with a baseball bat, but do it with no hostile intent, does that mean its not a hostile act? If we are going to go on "perceptions" only, then doesn't my perception cancel out yours? The truth is that "calling someone on the carpet" is a hostile act, whether you choose to accept that or not. The MB moderator recognized that, even if you refuse to see it. I would only suggest that you might be in for a rocky future around here if you plan on more call out threads, because they are hostile and are viewed as such. So, perhaps it is you who should be cautioned about a "closed mind?"



Froz, you may not want to admit it, but you were clearly lecturing Bob on his style and anyone can see that. It doesn't matter how you "feel" about that, but what IS. And I think you are probably in denial if you can't see that. You seem to have a disconnect between your "feelings" and reality on many issues.

Froz, THIS thread is me being called out in front of the principal and having my board contributions critiqued.

I am not offended by such, but I endure far worse fo a living.

Also I'm a knight, Knights don't take offense <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Okay Melody,

You have taken your OPINIONS about other people's intent, feelings, and actions, and turned this entire thread into a big misunderstanding.

You cannot qualify this statement...



I wasn't even talking about Bob. I was talking TO Bob about my opinion on other situations - not his.

You just assumed that part. I didn't say that.



Is this an attempt to disqualify my opinion because I have issues about other things?

If you have observations that you believe could help or benefit me in some way, then let's address those.

If not, I don't appreciate the stab.

Most call-out threads turn into snot fights like this IME. Its that rather than the offence that makes them banned on most boards.

* sigh *

frozen, I am sorry you take that as a stab, however, you were clearly lecturing him on his style. It is intellectually insulting to deny what we can plainly see. I don't think there is a "misunderstanding" about anything on this thread but rather an attempt to redefine some unpleasant, offensive behavior to make it appear more palatable; otherwise known as denial.

The purpose of this thread was to "call on the carpet" certain members and critique their styles. We can all see that with our own eyes. The mod sees that. Every one sees that but you. Instead we are wasting our time going around in circles with your denials. I see that as a waste of time, frozen.

So here is the observation I would leave you with: you can't control people, places or things. You can only control yourself.

You are not "plainly seeing" it because it isn't there. I have already stated that I was not talking about Bob.



As do I now. You have your opinion; I have mine.



Back atcha, Melody

Once again,,,,,,,,,,

How about everyone evaluating and perfecting their OWN posting style rather than critiquing others!