I have met someone that I really like. We met last Thursday. He called Sunday and asked me out for last Sat. Then he called 2 times between Sun and Sat to confirm things for our date. We had a great time. He seemed interested and gave me a nice little kiss and hug goodbye. I called him Sunday night to tell him Thanks for the great evening and let him know how much I enjoyed myself. He said he had a great time too, but we didn't talk long. He seemed distant and said that he wasn't feeling well and was going to bed shortly. He didn't try to get off the phone, but accepted when I suggested he go to bed. He said he would call me.

I know it is only Wednesday, but I havent' heard from him and I am panicking. I just want to know how to proceed. I don't plan to call him. I am hoping that I hear from him. I want to let him know that I am interested, but I want him to chase. I just have this fear that he won't. I think it is from being cheated on and hurt in that way.

Do men think of us as much as we think of them? I haven't been able to get him off my mind. I wonder if he is thinking of me. I don't want to scare him off. I would never put all of my feelings out there.

So for the men out there. What do you want from women? How do I get on his mind and stay there so he wants to chase me?

Perhaps my post shows how nervous I am. I would like to see this go further and my insecurities are really nagging at me. I keep replaying the night and thinking if I did something wrong. All because I haven't heard from him. I need to take a chill pill huh?

For me, If I also had a great time and found you interesting and attractive, that would be enough to imprint you on my mind. But then what followed would revert to the old dating dance - I would wait a couple of days so not to appear desperate or overbearing but not so long that you wondered if I forgot you. I would assume its up to me to contact you next.

It's possible that he was not as enthralled with the date. Our perceptions of events are never objective; perhaps he was being nice. Time will tell. Not sure what else you can do to get him thinking of you now if he's not already there, but that's my experience.

Good luck, and hope I'm wrong!

[color:"blue"]I guess I am very cynical about dating. I think your call on Sunday was appropriate and fine, and now the ball is in his court.

I don't go onto a date with big expectations. I enjoy myself, enjoy the company and then that's as far as I go. There are just too many reasons why one may be attracted and the other not attracted for me to let my hopes build up on any one date. If he calls back and he found it mutual, then I allow myself to feel a little more interested in whether the relationship continues or not. Otherwise I write off the first few dates as both of us testing the water with the option to find it too hot or too cold or too wet or whatever.

I've got several guy friends who all they do is complain that they take out women and want a second date and then never hear from them again. No answer to email no phone calls. All of them have just switched to a more nonchalant approach.

Have fun, don't stress, and be yourself. You'll find someone eventually who digs you as much as you dig him.

V. [/color]

"Do men think about us as much as we think of them?"

Personally, I doubt it. I spend too much time thinking about men in general. LOL. I'm boy crazy and man mad. On the other hand, freelancing has given me a little too much time to think.

GG,

LOL...I was thinking the same thing when I was reading this post last night.

BF didn't call and usually he does by 10:30 PM. I was studying and didn't realize how late it was so I called BF around 11:30 to make sure he was OK. He answered, sleepily. I apologize for waking him up, and he said "Don't worry, don't ever think I will get mad because you called and woke me up. I'm sorry I fell asleep and didn't get to call you. Don't think I was not thinking about you."

I thought it was so sweet. But then again, we've been together to so long, I would have never called him that late if we had only been dating for a few months.

I'm old fashioned and like to be pursued.

Oh boy, us women and getting all hung up on someone we like, what's up with that?!
Here's what my C told me about it:
Someone likes us and we know it. It leaves you feeling vulnerable because that "like" is feeding a need. We lose sight of other variables and are only "feeling". We need to look at other data: time, knowing them.
My feeling is that you really don't know him well at all and you like more of that "feeling" or excitement than anything right now.
What you are feeling is vulnerable. For me, that's normal. And if he likes you he will call, if he doesn't, he won't. It doesn't have to be about something you said/did wrong on the date. Maybe he learned something about you that he didn't like. That's okay! Not everyone is going to like you back, so I wouldn't call him.
Most of the time I try to keep the attitude of 1) if he's making a decision so soon then did he know you well enough to make that decision? 2) He did you a favor, find someone to make you feel that specialness you want to feel.

I went out with a guy Sunday and he asked if he could see me again. I gave him some times for the week and he asked if he got to pick them all! Then I saw him Tuesday and he asked if he could see me again... my point is, he's interested, and he's letting it be known. It's nice-he's not doing it in a desperate way- but right now it's more of the flattering and ego boosting that I'm enjoying than HIM. I don't even know this guy. Know what I mean?

Good luck, I hope he calls, but if he doesn't....NEXT!!
Hold out for what you want!

Lucky,
I know your actual question was directed towards men...but since 5 women have responded, I wanted to add my 2 cents worth!

I DO think women tend to do the “what if” scenario with relationships of all kinds. But there may be other reasonable explanations too....like, if he was sick, he wouldn’t want you to hear him wheezing or stuffy-nosed. Maybe he’s waiting to feel better.


Not trying to be too analytical, and I know all of us who’ve been cheated on have some trust issues (at the least, minor ones). Do you think your level of concern is irrational or in keeping with a guy you’ve had ONE date with?

Those who have found love again after D may be able to chime in here, but should you even HAVE to worry about scaring him off? Be yourself! You just met, and it sounds like you’re putting a little too much emphasis on this particular person, IMHO. Keep to your plan of not calling. Now that you've found one guy, it confirms that there ARE other available ones out there for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I thought he enjoyed himself. We spent from 8:00pm-12:40 am together and I was the one that finally said I needed to go. At one point I pointed out he had to get up early and he said he was fine.

I have started thinking what did I do wrong and in my heart I know I didn't do anything wrong. He will either call or he won't. I just hate the waiting game. If he made his judgement after one time then, he made the wrong choice by not getting to know me.

I really wish I could take a more nonchalant approach to dating. However Drita's right, I like the feeling. I like how he looked at me and how he treated me and I wanted more. I really don't know him, I just want the chance to get to know him.

I just wanted him to be into me as much as I was into him. Maybe he is and just playing the dating/waiting game. I just don't find a lot of men that I realy want to get to know. I am doing "It's just Lunch" and have met a lot of men, but very seldom do I want them to call me back. So when I meet one that I do, I want to see where it will go.

I wanted to anticipate a date this weekend with him. I was hoping he wanted the same. I guess only time will tell. I already made the last call, letting him know that I was interested so the ball is in his court. I just wish he would hurry up and play it. I hate the waiting.
Thanks for all your help.

I completely understand what you want! I think that's what we ALL want, isn't it?!
That's out there for you someplace! Hold out, that's what I tell myself, because I'm gonna get it! I know I am! But if I don't wait for the right one, I'll only be disappointed again...
BTW, if this guy calls you today for a date this weekend...no way! He needs to call you sooner. Don't be an afterthought! Like this guy I went out with-he'd see me everyday if I let him!
If he can't share what he wants from the start, he won't be able to in 6 months... and I know for me, I don't want to play any games. Let's go out and if one of us doesn't like the other move on, don't waste my time! So, move on little lady! This fella must not be the one you are looking for. Move on to the next dude, cuz he might be!!!
Good luck! Don't sell yourself short!

Avondale,
I just read your post and you make great points. I think my level of concern is very irrational with a person that I just met. It kind of scares me because I see that I need to put the breaks on. However, he appeared to be everything I am looking for and I haven't even seen a glimpse of that in most men. It's like the ones that I don't like really pursue and perhaps the one that I want to pursue me may not be going to do that. It's just frustrating as all of you dating know.

I think I worry about scaring him off because I met another great guy and we were getting to know each other and then he never called again. I know that I scared him off by expecting things from him. Looking back I know I was right by what I expected, but perhaps I expected it too soon. However I know it was better that I learned early his personality type. I just don't want to make the same mistakes again. And I guess I just want this one to be a keeper.

Well I just got the "It's not you, but life is too hectic to date" email. I am really hurt and yes in tears over it. I know it is stupid because I had a total of 7 hours with this guy over 2 dates, but I really liked what I was seeing and I was hoping to find more.

I hate the fact that all the guys I like (only 2 so far) tend to end up blowing me off and the ones that I don't like keep wanting to communicate.

I don't know how not to take it personally. I am a good person, attractive, smart, kind and geniune, so why can't I find someone to go out with and have some fun. It seems like all the good ones, don't want me. After all I have lived, I am starting to think that there is something wrong with me.

Dang, Luckystar! I'm sorry!

What I'm more sorry about though, is that you think it YOU...
First, I have to give the guy credit for at least acknowledging you with an email, it's kind of wormy, but at least he communicated.
I'm going to go back to what I said before about it, and you just said too-you knew this guy 7 hours. You don't know if, in three months, you would be liking him or not. It doesn't matter now, but I think you are just liking the idea of dating someone (that you are choosing, not them choosing you).
On that same page, you don't know him that well, so how can he know you? MAYBE his life is hectic? MAYBE he DID like you and it overwhelmed him? MAYBE there was something that he saw that was a dealbreaker for him that you don't know about and if that's the case, GOOD!!! Let him move on and find someone else.

When things don't work out for me and someone I've been dating, and let me tell you, I've gone through a gambit of dates this year, I just figure it's because that SPECIAL someone is still out there. I don't want to waste my time on these other jerks if that's the case. I gotta keep fishin'!
So, clean up your pole (take some time for you), go get some bait (remember what it is that YOU want), find a good spot where there's lots of fish (I don't know where you are finding the men you date, i.e. on-line), and throw your line in again. Cuz the next guy might be the one you wind up stuffing and hanging on your wall...
(I know that's stupid, but maybe it will make you smile a little.) But remember, those big cool fish, are hard to catch! But I have to think well worth it!
Go do something for YOU this weekend-hang out with the girls, whatever...but let that little carp go!
Good luck, and hang in there!

i know it is all part of the dating game, but it sure hurts.
I liked the analogy of the fishing trip, it did make me smile. I just seem to be throwing a lot back in and the ones I want to take home and mount _JUMP back in before I get to shore.

I did appreciate the email and what he said could of had a lot of truth. When we did talk, he talked about all the things he mentioned. I just hate the line I'm not sure if now is the time i should be dating. Well HELLO - why did you spend a small fortune on "It's just Lunch" probably on of the most dating services out there if you are not ready to date.

I also have a problem because he seemed so interested and I dont' think it was politeness. I have seen that too. I am usually a good read of people. I feel a bit led on and then dropped. Ok I know it could of been worse if we would of continued to see each other, but I dont' understand how people can be this way.

I shouldn't of, but I emailed him back saying that I understood and perhaps when life wasnt' so hectic he should call. I know that I will never hear from him again, but at least I tried.

It is just so frustrating meeting people. It makes me so mad, because my X has the new GF and moving on - I'm the better person and I can't find anyone. I know I am pickier, but it does seem to be of an injustice.

I'm running to my brother's this weekend. I know I will get myself back out there, but to be honest I don't like how skeptical I am becoming. I am finding that trusting a man even to call me is hard these days. I don't like the fact that I can't even allow myself to look forward to a call or getting to know someone without being scared. I just seem to keep getting hurt and doesn't that do something to you at some point?

"I hate the fact that all the guys I like (only 2 so far) tend to end up blowing me off and the ones that I don't like keep wanting to communicate."

Welcome to the dating world. Get used to it. You will probably have to kiss a lot more frogs before you find your prince.

Think of it as like selling a home. They say you have to show the average home to around 15 qualified buyers, before you get an offer. So you have to be prepared to clean it up, have it in perfect condition, stay home to show it, only to have the people walk through and never be heard from again.

Toughen up, be your best, and don't take it personally.

Yes, it can be frustrating. Rejection hurts, but it IS part of it. Take a break. Take care of yourself for a little bit. Enjoy life, and don't worry about men for a little bit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> If it's not fun, why do it? When you feel up to it again, get back out there and try again. I'm not sure it really gets easier - rejection always hurts - but you kindof learn to realize that people are just looking for the right fit - and it's not personal. Noone is out to really hurt anyone. Sometimes you can date someone for a little while, and things just don't work out, and you have to call it quits, but that is the purpose of dating, and you really have to be aware of that while doing it. It's a roller coaster, and when you get frustrated and tired of it, TAKE A BREAK and take care of yourself. But don't give up, if you want to find a life-partner.

hugs,
Faith1

I know! I think I'm a good judge of charachter too, but if you look at my last husband you wouldn't think so!
He may have been really interested, and you can second guess his motives and why and all that forever! But that's not what is in your best interest! It WILL make you cynical if you allow it to, but it sounds to me like you are just making it about you and I honestly don't think it is about you and I don't think you should do that to yourself!
I told you about the guy that seems very interested in me... and I'm interested in him, but that could all change today or tomorrow-for either one of us. If it changed on my part, it would have nothing to do with him, so think of it that way. I know it hurts-it's called rejection, and no matter where we are in any relationship, I think we all have hurt feelings when it happens!
I think your email was appropriate. Nice, to the point, you still let him know you were interested... no harm!
I think you being scared will be a good thing for you, help you keep it all in perspective.

Aha! maybe the fact that your X has a GF is what is eating at you too...? I was seeing a guy for 3 months and not even two weeks after he was seeing someone else. That just tells me I made the right decision in calling it off! She can have him! And all his problems...
I think you should just keep your chin up, have fun!
When I started this dating thing it was with a new outlook: that I was just going to meet people and get to know them-learn about them, what they like, don't like, what they've done in their live, what is their biggest lesson, what can I learn from them? Might they make a good match for one of my friends... etc. I also got myself into trouble when I met someone I liked and didn't keep dating others, helps me keep my perspective. Just like my guy I like now...I have a date with someone else tomorrow! You do have to take care of you first. And when you least expect it, some dude's gonna come and sweep you off your feet! Let's hope his name isn't Hoover! hee hee!

And many men want to be chased too... i.e. to show them we know how to take care of them...

On the other hand, if they see our greed for compliments, closeness, our loneliness, inpatience to be with them, and our expectations to have big serious relationships and commitments with them having only one or a few dates with them... they are easily scared and pushed away...


Unless you meet someone and you BOTH react the same to each other, and you both want the same from each other...
and that didn't happened with this guy...


I can see only two things that might be true:

1. Excuse and politeness - it is the time for him but he couldn't tell you 'with someone else'
or
2. He thought it were the time, but after the date he concluded he hadn't been ready. He tried, but poor soul is not healed yet. Not your fault (you are here 'collateral damage'), and not his fault either, for sometimes we think we are ready but we are not...)

In either way, healed but not interested or not healed, he could not give you what you need from.
So, nothing to be sorry about that.

And, btw, you don't miss HIM to all you imagined it might happen with him, but you miss what you were thinking to have (with a man)...