Post deleted by kdsheartbreak

kd,

my FWH had same problem for a short time - his was related to his feelings of guilt. Happy to say it is resolved now.

kd,

Not a WH but going through incredible emotional time in life like everyone here. Understand men. Visuals are stimulating and all that stuff..SF is great.

But men also want to feel appreciated. They want to feel like they have met your needs. They want to feel successful. They don't want to be diagnosed, patronized, or discounted.

Not trying to second guess your thoughts or R, but don't ask if he is physically ok when he obviously is not. Don't dwell on it. Communicate that you find him incredibly attractive and that you want to take full advantage of this rare opportunity. Communicate that you need and appreciate full warm body contact with the person you most love in the whole world, as much as you do SF on other times. Sometimes SF ends this too quickly as everyone becomes exhausted. Full body massage with no SF goal or pressure may be mutually great to give and get. Maybe you can declare it an All About Me night and get his mind off him.

Hold eye contact as you gently stroke the hair on his forhead and his cheeks. We don't even usually know we like this, until we are vulnerable. These things aren't patronizing when you prove you're sincere. Then it is something we think we might want more often.

Post deleted by kdsheartbreak

I read this the other day on the EN board, posted by Hardhead. It sure worked for me.

just follow the following simple advice and watch the magic work...caution: only works on about 92% of men.

1. Express appreciation for his help even if you don't like how he did it and secretly crave to redo it (don't redo it; that's way too insulting).

2. Express appreciation and admiration for the energy he puts into his job to meet the family's financial needs.

3. Round up the kids and meet him at the door when he comes home. EVERYDAY. Show him, and show your kids, that dad is the most important person in the world.


4. Touch him, hug him, and/or kiss him once or more per day in a sexy, longingly, desire filled way. Yes, at first he'll think you just want to have sex, but later he'll appreciate that as pure expression of affection and it'll give him something to think about all day. A normal pat on the back hug that you give your brother doesn't cut it. Lean into him. Press your chest and hips into him and extend that kiss just a little bit longer.

5. Sit across the table from him and smile and listen. Don't flip through a magazine as he tells his story. Don't keep your back to him while you are in the kitchen working. Stop. Give your attention. It's a gift.

6. Physical intimacy: Be enthusiastic. It's not just about sex to him (probably). It's how he feels approved-of, accepted, desired, wanted, and attractive.

Most of all, it's his greatest gift to you. Physical intimacy is the #1 way he knows of to show you that he approves of you, accepts you, desires you, and is attracted to you. When you reject him, you spit on his most profound, heartfelt gift.

Great post believer!

Tried all those things with my WH. Some good results some not so good.

One thing that has always hurt me to the bone since he has been back after the whole getting over the can't complete the task phase I believe is from guilt also was the fact that he never wanted to be touched except for SEX. He didn't want be to kiss him or hug him and he never did either of those to me.

Now he is leaving again and I always wondered if that was because he wasnt actually all the way back and the SEX met his physical need yet he didn't express other kinds of affection because he really didn't want to be back or wasn't happy with being back.

Now that he is leaving I'm almost sure that I was right. It is emotionally very hurtful to a women to only be good enough for the act of sex but not good enough for hugs or kisses.

Since my WH does show these other types of affection or intimacy I think he doesn't truly love me possibly.

Sorry to have thread hijacked.

I truly think guilt is the issue with being able to finish the job and possibly medication side-effects if your WH is taking anything.

KDS - How lucky you are! The fact that he wants to be with you is wonderful and worthy of celebration. My WH has NO interest in SF and to me, that is heartbreaking. Stung