Oh, bad word, bad word, bad word! #$@&%@ WH just came to the door. I didn't answer his call and he didn't leave a message.

All of the sudden, there he is trying the doorknob. The dogs are barking up a storm. I opened the door a crack (I know, I know, I shouldn't have) but left him on the porch.

GG: What do you wanted?

WH: Oh, a bike helmet.

GG: They are being used.

WH: I'll buy anyother one then (snarly tone)

WH: I want my Halloween mask.

GG: Wait here. (at this point, I lock the door behind me and go upstair. While upstairs, I write something up where he relinquishes claim to my car so I can trade it in. Maybe not exactly legal but a start.)

I give him his mask. He signs the form but complains that it's his car too.

GG: Do you want the witch's hat for OW? She'd be a great witch.

WH: She's not going to this party. (smirk, smirk, smirk)

GG: Have you called the counselor?

WH: Next week, I've been busy.

GG: (heavy sigh) What's one more lie?

He walks to his car. Not a word about his daughter or wanting to have her at work for trick or treating on Monday.

GG: Well, I'll be home tonight taking care of the children you've abandoned.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Monday, I am making an appointment for me with SH. I don't know what else to do. I need help controlling this anger. The more I'm around this man the more I dislike him. I should have just never opened the friggin' door.

What a waste of precious seconds of your life. Asking him this dumb question when you KNOW the answer already.....The answer to your "anger" issue is Plan B...and not "slipping up". Time to get back on the horse, and look up the word "Dark".....OK, the slap on the wrist is over.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You can't slap my wrist any harder than I am. Stupid accommodating me. Why, oh why did I answer the door. I just a doormat. I'm just furious with myself.

I just emailed for an appointment with Steve. I don't have an IC but SH is a person I trust to help me have some perspective. I hate the person my WH is now.

GG - O.k. Second time this happened. 2 X's too many.

I"m glad you are making an appt. w/Steve. I wish I had the $$ to make more appts. with him. I spoke with him once & he really gets a handle on things quickly. I know you will like him.

NO CONTACT with WH. Period.

Kim

BTW, I like your commnet about OW making a good witch. I guess if you broke contact you might as well get one in.

Kim <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

See, now when the WS asked for his 'mask', I would have asked, 'why, aren't you wearing it?'.


Ooooh the bad side of doing too much RB. LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

OOOOHHH!!! I like that even better!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kim

GG - sorry to see he has such an effect on you. I know that feeling. I cope quite well until we have contact (am not in Plan B but we're separated) and it always stirs me up. I don't like my WH at all at the moment and can barely talk to the man. He doesn't stay in touch with his daughters and I think is totally under the control of OW. I'm now at the stage where I think she is welcome to him because too much damage has been done. I can't envisage any kind of future because of the severity of his illness and I don't believe you can rebuild a marriage in my circumstances.

I'm sure SH will give you excellent advice. He is so highly regarded here. Your WH hasn't really done one thing to show he wants to save the marriage and, without a doubt, one person can't do all the work. Perhaps he will give you some sensible time frames on which to formulate Plan GG!

By the way, I hope you are feeling better. TT

TT:

I am sorry to be the "bad guy" here but I think that you are sorely mistaken when you say the OW is controlling what your Wayward Cheater does with respect to his daughters. That is a rationalization that many a "Betrayed Spouse" use in trying to understand a WS behavior. Your WH is not being controlled by any OW...ALL men and women have "free will" and I for one second don't belive that the OW is controlling any of this stuff. Your WH is the man who is calling all of the shots with seeing (or not seeing in this case) his daughters. If he wanted to be a dad and see his daugthers....HE WOULD. Just like many crazy OW with "other children" lament that the MM cheater would see the OW if it was not for the pscyho BS wife....NOPE....also not true. If a man wants to see his child (s), noone can make him NOT do so...

I am not posting this to you to be a Pain in the A$$, but one of my pet peeves is the misfounded perception that anyone can control what anyone else does. We BS often "think" that is we can just "snap them out of it" they will come back to the marriage. We often try to "change" people or try to get them to "do" the right thing....but that is as we all know a fruitless venture. When we stop believing that we can control the Wayward Spouse, then we also "get it" that they are not being controlled either by the OW/OM.

OK....threadjack over, and getting down of the soapbox.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Threadjack away. Good point. As much as we want to and as much as we try, we BS cannot change our WS. Only the WS can change themselves. Only the BS can change their self.

One of the things that really peeved me was the way WH was trying the doorknob. I'm not sure if he knows that his key won't work. TOOOOO BAAAAAD!!!!! The guy really doesn't pay any attention to what I say and very disrespectful. He really reminds me of a teenager right now. I'm really suspicious of the way he called but couldn't leave a message. Like he was trying to see if the way was clear. What a sneak. A completely ball-less coward.

I wished I thought about the RB on the mask. I thought of another but alas, it was too late. The mask he took was a devil's mask. Yup, he's the devil incarnate. Maybe I should have suggested that he go dressed in yellow and be Cowardman...The Ultimate Conflict Avoider

Perfect for WH. Devil's Mask. That is just too much!!!

I don't know what I would do if WH showed up knocking on the door. I guess I'd shove my Plan B letter in his face, run upstairs & lock the door til he left.

Kim

Lemonman - I hear you loud and clear. I don't want you to think I am sitting here waiting for things to change with WH and OW but I do believe he is so head over heels with OW that what she says goes. Does that make sense. When I first met my WH he was ga-ga over me (albeit more than 20 years ago). I remember how he would do anything for me and I believe that I called the shots in our relationship. A 15 yr marriage and 3 children later obviously that had all changed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. I think he is quite obsessed with OW and she is the one in control in their Affair. He told me I am standing in the way of his relationship with his daughters because I don't want them to have anything to do with OW, but more to the point, he has NEVER mentioned OW to his daughters. He is a coward and he will never make me happy. Unfortunately, because of his health situation, he does still have the power to make me sad. He is, after all, the girls' dad and despite all his poohy behaviour, they love him. TT

Cowardman...The Ultimate Conflict Avoider [/quote]

OMG that is freakin hilarious.

Good luck with plan B
Loni

GG,

I am glad you're having a talk with SH. It's a much better plan.

Contact with WS is poisonous. Detox time.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{GG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My appointment is Wednesday morning. This will only be the second time I've talked to him but it was so helpful before. When you start thinking your WH is a jacka$$, it's definitely time for Plan B and SH.