Okay some updates...

I'm doing better...long story short...stbx has been trying for the longest time to push me over the edge with his mental games that he has played for years. This time was the closest he's come to actually succeeding in a long long time. I snapped out of it though and came back fighting and told him he will no longer have this power over me anymore and he can find a new victim. I think it shocked him that I a. snapped out of it so quickly and b. stood up to him the way I did and meant it.

as for J I haven't really talked to him a whole lot throughout all that's gone on this week. I was in bed long before he was online or else I just missed him when I got up at 1, 2 and 3 am due to not being able to sleep. When I have talked to him he was very supportive and helped talk me down quite a bit. He's busy this weekend and I'll be out of town next weekend so it's going to be a while before we see each other again...and maybe we need that.

Now for two new concerns...I've recently had contact with A and JW..lets talk about A first

A is a widow of two years (wife died after a 5 year battle with cancer)...he's admitted that he can't and doesn't want to be alone. Seems like a nice guy but also seems desperate to find SOMEONE....ANYONE!! He said he was coming to my town today to see his wife's family, then he said he had plans to meet someone else from online who also happened to be from the same town I live in but that she had something come up and couldn't and asked if I wanted to meet him somewhere...he called a few times and we talked but he's really made me uncomfortable with wanting things too fast. He's called here a few times today and I've just let the answering machine get it. I'm not good at hurting people so I don't know what to say to him to get him to back off.

JW seems like a super nice guy. He's been real nice and supportive with me through this last week. He's got three kids, a good job, seems stable, wants me to get through the crap I'm dealing with now so he can show me that there are a few good men left out there. Only problem I see is that he lives in a town that I don't want to live in and I'm not too sure he would be willing to move (topic hasn't come up yet) We haven't met in person yet. Soon hopefully...we'll see

So there you have it...it's been a week from H*ll <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> and I'm still here to talk about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm probably going to regret posting this, as I am sounding like a broken record, but...


How about saying to him "bud, I have a boyfriend that I am sleeping with"? That might make him back off, and if not, hmm, why would you want a guy like that?


Does he know that you have a boyfriend that you are sleeping with? I suspect that information might overshadow the concern that he lives in a town where you wouldn't want to live. And if that doesn't slow him down, hmmm, why would you want a guy like that?

Do you see what I am getting at here?

AGG

LOL...how'd I know you would say this??

of course I get ya!

'Cause you are smart enough to know that I am smart enough to know that this is going nowhere good fast, and if I don't speak up, who will?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Joking aside, I am still hoping to hear your thoughts on how you can think highly of any guy who is willing to date you despite knowing that you have a BF that you are intimate with. And if you are still intent on having them NOT know about your BF, how do you anticipate anything good coming out of a relationship that starts with such a major, er, "omission"?

AGG

Well quite honestly even though J has been supportive with me throughout the recent events this last week...I have a feeling things are going to be broke off real soon and it will be a mutual thing. He's not ready to commit to anything and that's fine but I want more. So it's time. I do think we'll remain friends though and talk online occasionally but everything else will be coming to a halt. I did send him the email telling him my thoughts and he basically ignored it soooo "there's my sign" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh and to correct you...I doubt very highly he would have classified himself as a boyfriend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This reminds me of a "how men are different from women" joke. Regarding past relationships, it said that "a woman looks back a relationship and calls it a 'relationship', while a man looks back at it and calls it 'that time when Suzy and I were doing it on a semi regular basis'".

To me, it makes little difference if you call him a "boyfriend" or a "guy with whom you were doing it on a semi regular basis". Why not end things with him BEFORE starting to look around and set up new meetings and dates with others?

Because I'm guilty of wanting to keep him in waiting <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Alluring,

"Because I'm guilty of wanting to keep him in waiting"

Seems like you're guilty of playing games.

ummm.....one in the same I do believe...

You story remind me so much of myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have not cut off my past and present cyber pals but my Bf has. He insist that i do the same yet i was reluctant to it. Somehow a week ago i decided i needed to make sure what exactly i want so i stopped all contact with all cyber friends that i met through the online dating sites.

I feel i need to see clearly where i want to go with current bf. I find that continuing my friendship with others does not help me in my current relationship. I feel like i am always comparing and sometimes getting my support from others

I am giving bf the exclusivity and hope it will give me a clear idea if bf is really the one or not.

Well I think I finally have had a wake up call.

I had been out of town since Thursday morning and got home yesterday afternoon. I had left messages on yahoo offline for J and JW telling them I was leaving and would talk to them when I got back...blah blah blah.

Upon getting in the door yesterday there were 2 messages on the answering machine for me one of which was JW telling me he hoped I was having a good time and that he missed me and that he would call when I was to get home.

Sure enough a few hours after getting home he called. Told me how much he missed me...was glad I had a good time and he could tell how relaxed I was. He's coming on Wed. to visit and we are getting together over the weekend. Before we hung up he said he would call me tonight when he got home from work. Much to my surprised he called me this morning while at work just to say hi and see how my day was so far. He knew I took today off to get caught up on laundry and my daughter is sick and I needed to take her to the doctor. (turns out she has bronchitis and tonsilitis)

Now as far as J..I talked to him very briefly on IM last night before going to bed. He wasn't too talkative. He asked if I had fun and that was about it. Nothing about missing me, seeing me, notta...nothing. There's my sign!!

I'm confused... Isn't this the guy you haven't even met as of last week? And now he misses you and is calling you several times a day? Doesn't it seem a bit over the top?

BTW, I still don't think it's wise to overlap your relationships like you are doing, but we'll have to agree to disagree...

AGG

yep same guy...and I'm letting J go when we talk next.

Understood... Just be aware that J and JW may have entirely different motivations - J has already had the milk, but does not (apparently) want to buy the cow, hence the lack of enthusiasm... JW's enthusiasm may well be driven by his desire to also taste some milk, which does not at all mean that he wants to buy the cow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />.

I am sure you know this, but it bears repeating - a guy trying to score will usually act much more lovingly and attentively than a guy who already did.

AGG

I know all of the above BUT this one is going to happen completely different. There will be no free milk available until the cow is ready to be bought. Or something very close to that! lol