As many of you know my M is over, and all that's left is the formality of the D.

Still, I sit here reading posts, replying to posts, and wondering deep down inside - why is it so darn hard to make a marriage work? Why do people think the worst of each other, blame each other, all those things? Why are we so sensitive, why do we have so many hangups... Why do we keep score cards on each other?

For the first several years of my marriage, there were red flags to be sure, but I believed (falsely it seems now) that we really enjoyed each other's company, and put each others' well-being way up there in importance. Had that been true - which I now know it wasn't - I would STILL expect we should have been able to make it work.

Why do we quit loving each other? We don't stop loving our kids do we? Or our pets? Why our SO's?

I watch my sister and her husband and truly believe they have each other's well being as high priorities, they see themselves as a team, going through life with a common purpose. They seem so focused and together... why can't we all be like that?

Rhetorical questions to which I do not expect answers. But as long as I live, I will ask myself these questions because I just DON'T get it.

the understanding that you seem to miss is that you are painting everbody with the same brush, and painting everybody with your beliefs.

what you have to figure out is that everyone has their own set of individual beliefs, call them their individual truths, and everyone's is similar, from slightly different to way different. Your social education never made that distiguishment, and you have yet to make that understanding or belief part of your truth.

Once you start to believe that, then you must first realize and uncover your own... with your own, then you must learn to identify others' truths or beliefs, so that you can make a decision as to whether you can have a relationship with them easily or with difficulty.

its your journey,

wiftty

Because we are all human.

Because everyone is naturally selfish. Some just learn to think of others more than others in addition to themselves. Others do not.

I am with you that every marriage COULD work. But it takes two people, willing to put another persons needs ahead of their own.

T

wiffy,

I wrote several responses to you, then trashed them all.

Bottom line? There's things you don't know about me and my background that initially made me think you were wrong in your assessment.

But, I can also see truth in what you say. It's not so much what I know to be true as what I don't want to accept as true. I want to believe we could all choose a different solution than we do. I want to believe we could be more accepting of each other than we are. I want to believe that because some kinds of love are forever, that all kinds of love COULD be forever too. I want to believe people are basically good and try to be honest, that it is worth accepting people with all their flaws as well as their virtues.

"Fairy tale" stories that I tell myself.

Have you ever wondered what the impact is on kids who are raised on these fabricated stories that are supposed to mimic real life? Like I was. If I had kids, I would NOT allow them to read "happily ever after" stories that might distort their expectations of the world.

I'm reminded of the definition of a fanatic: "someone who redoubles his/her efforts when all hope of reaching the goal has been lost." When I wrote the original post here, I was teetering on the edge between philosophy and fanaticism. And there's nothing worse than a fanatical philosopher.