xH is not allowed to converse with me in anyway about the kids or grandkids. Don't know why he can't tell me that either. Won't even speak to me when calls to speak with youngest D, I get "Is YD there?". Amazes me that she has that much control, but she does and it's long distance as he is in Korea.

I emailed him the other day regarding YD and always send to his military account and blind it to his home account and it came back from the home account with "will not accept mail from this sender". What's with that? I've never been a threat to her, she is the one that messed with my H while he was in Korea the last time.

Think that there might be some guilt on their side? Why would they behave this way?

He is active duty Air Force and has been in Korea the last year. He has known that they would be moving to FL almost the whole time when he gets back, but would not tell the kids that that is where they are going. Along ways from SD for them. She has already moved there from Utah where they were stationed before he went to Korea. The 9th of Nov I will laugh so hard if he makes rank and their orders get changed. Many times we were told where it was we were going to move but til the actual orders came down all was up in the air. She thinks she has control by already being in FL!!! Ha she can control x but not uncle sam!!!!

It just blows my mind that x is manipulated in this way. He is almost 45 yo, you would never know it for the way he is lead around.

Oh Well, not my problem, just my observation!!!!!

Dawn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi daybreak -

I had to chuckle when I read the title of this thread. Although X and OW are not married yet, they are engaged. Since our D I've noticed XH does not answer my phone calls when OW is home, nor does he come here alone to pick up the kids, she is always with him or she comes to get them herself. I no longer even recieve joke emails from him.

So I guess this is normal for the OW to be controlling, eh? It is kind of funny to see (in my case) because my XH was the controller and "The Man" in the house for 15 years and to see him jump through hoops for this woman (who btw is 10 years older then him) and just be her puppet, it totally blows my mind. The sad thing about it is he would leave his kids 100% out of his life if she told him to.

Take care,

~Jamie~

Don't think of it as "controlling" - think of it for what it is:

Karmicly Insecure! They owe a huge karmic debt and they know what the man they are with is capable of!

it is because of this dynamic imho...

THE OW VIEWS YOU...THE LEGITIMATE FORMER SPOUSE AS...

DAH DAH DA DAH...

THE OTHER WOMAN NOW!

Daybreak and kayla...my friends...you know this is the truth deep down...you hold the history...you have the family ties...you represent the good and legitimate side of the ws...and they are not secure in their position as even the significant other or wife because of this. I use term "wife" loosely btw.

I hate to say this, but I know that ow/w is jealous of me in many ways...she's told me so. she's tried to give back my gorgeous wedding portrait...tried to give back when she went snooping my b letter and wedding ring b/c wh of hers (not mine anymore) hid it from her (for 3 years) and b/c I am exact opposite from her...and guess my xwh is rubbing that in!

if it were me....

he he he..

I WOULD DO MORE TO MAKE HER FEEL INSECURE.
Help her out with her...little problem always <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

and yes, the ws feels like he's dealing with YOU ALL OVER AGAIN...B/C THE OW/W feels like THEIR H BETRAYED THEM WITH YOU!

again, it's crazy foggy logic...but I swear this is how they think....

you are the enemy to the ow/w...even if roles are reversed!

Peach,
You say so many true things!!! Fog Logic it is. It is just fun to watch though, as I am so capable of sitting back and letting in play out in front of me.

I would many days like to help her out in the insecure feeling, but I am not that type of person to set out to do it deliberately if happens it happens and that's best anyways as I don't lower myself.

The other day I just went a head re sent it out of my account at school and used the military address in the blins. X will figure it out as she has represented herself on the home account before as him, he knows.

There is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that he is missing with the kids and the grandson and as my daughter says that is his choice as I have more then invited him to here (a part of it) I haven't openly invited her to be, but there is nothing that I would say or do that would exclude her if he choose to bring her around.

Maine and Kayla,
It is interesting to see how he has allowed her to do (control) all the things he said that he was leaving me for.

The insecurity is so high that he is probably reading this as I type. Now why would an xH who has moved on with the OW/W have to come here? Probably doesn't help that I lost a 125 lbs since the divorce a look good and she still looks like his grandma!!! I only know this from a distance as he has never brought her around me or introduced me to her. Kind of like he needs to keep us seperated.

It blows my mind, but I think I will get some popcorn for the show!!!!

Dawn

Wow! 125 pounds!! You should be so very proud of yourself!!! I can't imagine how much better you feel, not to mention look! You go girl. Enjoy the new you and your new life. I have to ask, do you have a problem with sagging skin? I've read different articles about that. Recently saw where a woman who was on Oprah lost 172 pounds and has that problem.

About your original question...that is VERY common in all second marriages. Read a few posts on second wives boards and you will see it. I am of the belief that most women in any relationship are basically jealous and try to be controlling. Personally, I try very hard never to say anything that could be taken as controlling to my dear husband. It is his x, not mine and I don't have to deal with her. Their relationship has gone from bad to worse since our marriage, which is not what is best for the children at all! They NEED to be coparenting much better than they are. I believe good coparenting involves talking frequently about issues and how to solve them; speaking well of the other parent, as well as cooperating with each other's schedule changes. Unfortunately, the x is so terribly jealous of me that she has tried to poison the kids minds against their father. It is about to turn into a legal fight because my husband has tried everything he can to put an end to her including the kids in parental decisions and issues, without success.

I've spoken to the judge (whom I know personally) and this woman would do herself a big favor if she just stops this vindictive crap and starts putting her children's feelings into the forefront.

Sorry for the long post. Kind of got carried away! LOL

I really don't have saggy skin as I worked out the whole time that I was losing the weight. Yes it is nice to have the weight off and be able to keep it off. Hasn't brought me the guys that I thought and hoped that it would. Guys still see me as a really nice lady and nothing more, that is a little dissappointing!

As far as x or x'sW replying to the e mail from Friday nothing, and there were some pointed questions that needed to be answered, so am not sure how I want to proceed. It's so aggrevieting at times as he feels that they are young adults that they don't need parenting and support!!! UGH!!! they still do though and I am the only giving it to them.

But hey I don't let the one that angers me control me, so enough on x.

How's the weather where you are?

Dawn

Daybreak,

The guy thing is probably because you are not mentally ready to have another relationship yet and you are sending out "stay away from me signals" without knowing it! Give it time sweetie. The right man is out there trying to find you!! Take care of yourself...have fun...don't focus on finding another man. One day it will be like the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun", you'll wake up with ladybugs all over you!!

Glad to hear about the skin part. I've read about vitamins that help in that area too.

You are so right about the kids still needing parents when they are your children's ages! Why do some men think they are done being raised simply because they become legal?? Ack! I could scream. I have an x with the very same mentality!

that is a great movie! one of my favorites...i cry every time I see it.

and dawn,

don't worry...the novelty will wear off. soon ow/w will have other things to worry bout.

ex: my xh's ow/w now has to do her own laundry, must shop with baby, take kids to school since the nanny QUIT...she is actually doing work around the home and that is not something girls like her enjoy doing.

she is also having to snoop around on my xwh. yea, she is preoccupied with HIS cheating now. it's freaky. whenever she tries now to call me for anything...which I don't usually respond to...if I do I say, "yea, thanks I will discuss that matter with xwh." when she calls she will always add in something like this."he's still being the same." and I ignore it. I don't want to know what they're doing...her mess now since she was so eager to inherit my xh from me...and get preggers to speed up my divorce.

don't worry about them. their own pots are stewing over right now.

good for you! glad to hear you did it!

and don't worry about guys. when YOU are ready...they will come around. you will in good time my dear...you are a wonderful woman and let that glow find the world around you...just work on this holiday season expanding your social arena...and naturally this will happen ok?

Immeasurably.

It's his mom, not his girlfriend or wife.

My DD-7 told me the saddest thing. She said that grandma and grandpa yelled at dad a lot. Apparently they are doing this while our kids are around; must be unbearable when they are gone.

Yes, I feel sorry for him. 39 years old and unable to move out of his parents house. It just can't be that he's unwilling. How could anyone want to live that way? Having your meals and laundry taken care of? Not enough.

STBX has never been able to make up his own mind...but now his girlfriend can be his brain for him...I'm happy not having to do it anymore.

AGE, I feel the same way. I no longer have to deal with that teenager every day. Let the GF do it (or mom).

My daughter wasn't home the other night when her dad called, this is an overseas phone call, and I sat there let him talk to the machine, as he cannot acknowledge me or the things that I do do for him, I had been emailing him to let him D wasn't home don't waste the call, no thank you's.

My son in law said the other night isn't x coming home soon and d said yes and again he says wonder how long they'll last when he gets home!!! The charm is wearing off!!!!


On the guy thing, I think that I am ready. There just really aren't that many guys in my age range in my life. I haven't even had anyone try to set me up in the 3 years since my divorce wow it will be 3 years on the 19th of this month. I don't know what message it is that I send out. I am a very busy person and I guess people just assume I don't have time. I would drop everything for the right guy, I am busy as there isn't anything else going on to keep me busy.

Oh well, as the saying goes there is someone for everyone, I would just like to find mine before I am to old to enjoy it. I want a relationship, I look forward to the excitement and wonderment of getting to know someone new.

I do have a date Friday night, with my grandson to go to the circus, maybe I can found a clown there!!!!!!!!

Dawn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Daybreak, maybe it's time you let your friends know that you are ready to be fixed up. People don't just do this anymore. Ask if they know someone you can meet for coffee, etc.

I am sooooooooooooooooooomad right now!!!! I can't believe that that sob and b!%ch did this to our kids. UGH!!!! I've never wanted to hurt someone so bad or to get even!!!!!!!!!!!!

He allowed the kids to think that he was stuck in Korea waiting for this promotion thing today and he wasn't he and her have been in Hawaii on vacation. I only heard my YD side of the conversation but she was so dissappointed and hurt. I am the one that will have to deal with the adverse behavior of dad one more time letting her down.

He had said that he couldn't come here to visit when coming back to the states as he didn't have $$$ or vaction time, BIG LIE!!!!

And thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn she blocked my school e mail address from their home account so now there is no way for me to contact him concerning our kids. How selfish and assnine can someone be!!!!! Does he not get her control over him!!!!!!!!What a wimp and panty waste!!!!

So now he doesn't know where it is that he will be moving!!! Secretly I hope that they get stationed in North Dakota, 1. because it would be closer for my kids as the two married ones cannot afford to travel to FL to see dad. 2. because it is North Dakota and not Florida. 3. Because it's North Dakota and not South Dakota as I would have to hurt someone if they lived here. And 4. Just because it is North Dakot!!!! Have you ever been there? It's North Dakota, I think it was the movie Fargo that betrayed the state quite well.

I would so like to address this whole selfish attitude and issue with him, but I don't want to come off looking like the b!#ch that is her title and I really don't want to take it from her as it fits her so well. But he needs to know that he is hurting his kids and that they are suffering more for his actions. I know as many well tell me that he wouldn't her me anyways, but I may get some satisfaction of going off on him!!!!!!!!!

Ugh!!! I believe that I am done venting for tonight!!!! Perhaps I will open a new e mail account and send an eamil to him.

Any thoughts or suggestions on how to deal with the two of them would be greatly appreciated. I know that I can only control me and my actions and I have tried so hard to stay on the high road thru all of this but just tonight I'd like to slenk thru the ditch!!!!!!

Ok now I am done venting!!!!!

Dawn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I see her hand up his back making the brain work half time & words come out the mouth that certainly aren't his. You know what? He deserves that! If he wants to hop into a relationship (or maybe more accurately keep up a relationship I believe started while we were married, still are actually) with the first person to cross his path they deserve each other.

What can you do? Well, you can't "help" him or them to see they are selfish *x*#s, never do the ones who need to see their behavior as detrimental see it that way. All you can do is be there for your children. Let them know you love them & will always be there for them.

What their father does will register & you will be the stable, dependable parent they know they can count on.

Take a deep breath & know you can only control yourself & your reactions to your ex's behavior.

Believe me I know what you are dealing with. My kids come home & tell me stories about their father's girlfriend. On the one hand I want to hear it because I want to know what sort of situation my kids a dealing with. On the other hand I want to cover my ears & run from the room. But at the end of the day I can only be the best mother I can be regardless of what their father chooses to do.