Well, my H and I went to our first MC session. I was very releived to hear that he does want ot salvage this marriage. He said that he wishes he could wake up tomorrow and everything be all happy and wonderful, but that's not reality. He told the counselor that he did not feel happiness,period. Counselor pointed out the obvious, that happiness comes from within. Gave him some suggestions to work with. Of course, the first thing I brought up was the "affair". H does not think talking to another woman w/o sex is an affair, but it is nevertheless. Anyway, H got a little upset that counselor spoke w/him more than me. I learned that H has withdrawn himself from the marriage becaus of my past actions. When confronted w/my past actions I admitted to them. I feel like we may be able to salvage this, but I don't want to get my hopes up too high to be let down so hard.

A lot of people on this site have expressed a need for me to expose what he's done to our families. I did expose it to my mother, HUGE MISTAKE, since she's a divorce lawyer. She thinks he has had a sexual affair, probably more than once, but I believe him when he says it was purely conversation. Maybe that's naive on my part, anyway, I love my mother-in-law to death and I don't feel comfortable exposing what H has done for fear that it will hurt her. Beside blood is thicker than water, and I also fear that she may fully support him and matters may get worse. I have exposed what he's done to our friends, and H is not pleased with that, but he's accepted it.

Now my question is when does the trust come back? Right now I am sooo untrusting. I'm constantly wanting to see his phone records on his cell phone. When his phone rings I've caught myself following him and listening for any unusual conversation or I'll time the phone conversations and if they exceed 20 minutes I ask who he's talking too. He's becoming very anoid. When will these paranoid actions stop. Before this, I completely trusted him and never worried about a thing. Now what?