It has been about 5 weeks since I found out about my WW A, and I am dealing with a great deal of anger. I realize that when I get upset/angry and say bad things to her that it only pushes her away. I believe that the anger comes out because she does not want to talk about things with me. I have expressed this to her with minimal success. I just wonder how to deal with this anger/betrayal without blowing up and berating her. She has hurt me more than I think she realizes.....

Counseling, with a good therapist and both of you in attendance, then you can both voice your feelings with the help of the therapist; it may be necessary (as in my case) to practice better communication skills. Outside of there (those office visits), initially, we were told not to discuss the subject matter that caused the problems and to do the following:
Follow some basic rules to insure and rebuild trust (all of which we agreed upon with the counselor present). This, after the problems in the relationship were identified; we then had strategies to cope, to work on individually, and to work on together, including better communication. Then we moved on to rebuilding intimacy.

what does she say..

is no contact established..

do you understand plan A from the point of view of this site...

are you in plan A...

ark

No, our marriage has recovered from this; we did not separate nor did we divorce and both agreed at the time that the love was there, the marriage is what we wanted -- and a better one at that. And this is why, that is what we did. We could not speak about it without all ****** breaking loose. So we got help in person and it worked.

I came here and posted about what we are experiencing now, unrelated, and not to consider separation or divorce but to improve our marriage. There will always be valleys in every marriage from time-to-time; we intend to get through them and when we can't do it alone, we find help to do so. However, I now see that my post is quite trivial and petty; after reading, I recognize that this is something I am going through ... not something WE are going through. Which is probably the reason why I'm not getting any feedback. However, I'll share what I know; I must say, we've been through it all. And I do mean ALL!

So many people have unrealistic expectations about what marriage really is, hard work, and what it requires of both spouses to enjoy a good marriage ... and we used to be one of those couples.

I'm not understanding this part. But I will say that we remained under the same roof, neither of us left. We did not go over it, under it, or around it (won't work, at least it wouldn't have in our case); we went "through" it ... together!