My husband & I have been together for 20 years. We have a business together & 2 children. Recently things have been tough and hubby met up with a high school fling and had sex with her in her car. This was a one time thing. She called some 6 weeks later and announced to him that she was pg. She is married w/ 4 children. I spoke with her on the phone and she said that she wasn't going to tell her husband until she was 3 months because it would devastate him because she is everything to him & he calls her his trophy wife. Also said he would kill my entire family because he is psycho & should be on medication. She told me that she had already told her 2 oldest daughter's from a previous marriage & said they cried at 1st & then said why don't you let (current husband) think it's his & she said she couldn't do that. She said they called her Godly. I told her I wasn't divorcing my husband - what does she want from us. She said he gets visitation every other weekend - after she is finished nursing (she was only 8 wks pg), holidays, attend PTA meetings, pick up from day care (she lives over 100 miles from us), attend ball games if boy, ballet if girl. Little does she know that I am the sole caregiver in our family. She said the sex was wild & wonderful & there must be something between them. She said my husband was going to be a wonderful father. I told her she destroyed 2 families and she said my children would love to have a brother or sister because everybody loves babies. I told her she had until the end of the day to tell her husband. The reason I wanted her husband to know is because I didn't want her continuing to chase my husband & I wasn't even sure she was pg. Thought maybe she was trying to get him in the sack again. She didn't tell her hubby so I called & told him but I didn't tell him who the father was. My husband then called him and Bob said he was going to break every bone in my husband's body. The psycho retrieved the message I had left on her hubby's cell phone & erased it. She then called me up & told me I was evil & that she was going to take ads out in all the local papers stating congradulations Mary & Tom on the baby. She later denied saying this to my husband and told my husband that I kept calling her husband and I only called him once. Also told my husband that I told her husband my husband's name & I didn't. I asked her what if your husband wants to stay with you & she said she would divorce him anyways cause they have problems - duh. She is uneducated & works at her husband's business. She has had a crush on my husband since high school and I think she wants my life & will do anything to break us up. I don't even know if I believe she's pg. I said how do you know it's not your husband's and she said because he doesn't cum inside of me (white trash). She said my husband did right after she asked him if he had a vasectomy. He says she asked him on phone prior to the sex if he had a vasecomy out of the blue & he told her no and he thought that it was kind of strange that she asked him that. Her husband told me he had a vasecomy. I don't know who to believe. My husband has told me over and over how sorry he was - he cried - something I've never seen him do. He wishes he could take it all back. He wants to stay with me & our family. If it is his he wants to be involved in it's life. I keep seeing this nightmare of her breathing down my neck the rest of my life trying to steal my husband. Calling because the kid needs this or that - it's sick or whatever. She's 37 and I'm 41. My hubby is 43. We were not planning on having more children. My oldest daughter was just engaged & will be having children of her own soon. My 2 youngest daughters are 15 & 10. We put most everything up for sale and are considering moving out of state. I told him I was out of here and taking our kids no matter what his plans are. He is a basket case as well - lost 30 pounds and he's already too thin. This whole thing happened right after we got slapped with a $40,000 tax bill. This girl thinks we're rich and I think she's screwed up in the head. Please give me some advise! My heart is broken and I can hardly think about anything else. Thanks!

Hi broken, I mainly wanted to tell you to hang in there, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. Sometimes this board is a tad slow, but there are women here who have dealt with your situation and can give you excellent advice.

Broken, i am glad you made it over here. sounds like you got yourself a psycho on your hands.

i assume that she wasnt going to tell her h until she was three months so as to limit his chances of forcing an abortion. that is neither here nor there but it does show you the kind of manipulative mind you are dealing with here. As for her kids calling her godly, OMG!!! i soooooo dont think so! i am not a beleiver but even my agnostic standards she is so far from godly. maybe she was trying to be ironic, lol.

i think telling her husband was the right thing to do. one of the princples of recovering from infidelity recommended by this site is exposure. affairs are like mushrooms, they prosper in the dark places. exposure is an unwelcome light and helps to end the affair or in your case, make sure it doesnt rekindle. i can kind of understand her husbands reaction, threatening to break every bone in his body. it is not unlike what i wanted to do to ow when i first found out. i dont know whether i wold take the ow's word that her husband is violent and on medication but treading softly might be a good idea.

i am not an expert, infact i am not even in the us, but i think legally speaking you will find that while she is married, her husband is presumed to be the father until such times as he petions for a DNA test to provie he is not the father. even if they divorce before the baby is born.

i think the best thing that you can do is write her a no contact letter. Something along the lines of " we are aware that you claim to be pregnant. We are aware that you claim XXX is the father of your child. until such times as the child is born we do not wish any further contact with you, your husband or your family. Any such contact will be deemed to be harrassment and we will file charges to that effect". send it registered post and if she does contact you, file a restraining order.

you may need to get yourself a lawyer. one that specialises in family law where you are. he/she can tell you about Child support, contact, and other stuff. you can find out alot of that stuff yourself if you search the internet but sometimes it can be quite confusing trying to sort the fact from the fiction.

the lawyer may also be able to help you protect your assets. it might be possible for you to file a legal seperation from your h and get a CS order set up for you before the OC is born. you probalby dont have to physically seperate, as in him move out, but in some places who ever gets their CS application in first gets the lions share of any available income.

Probably most importantly, breathe! this situation can be so overwhelming, it is easy to get lost. there is lots of great ideas for helping you to rebuild your relationship on this website. be sure to have a good look round and dont be afraid to ask for help here in the forums. We are all on this difficult path and if we can help each other then mores the better.

hugs

carolyn

thanks a million

I can completely understand your predicament. My OW and her H have 4 children, and I think they both are not wrapped that tight. The OW in our situation is not due to give birth until January. I would suggest that you wait until blood test are taken before doing anything.

My H and I have decided NC with OW or OC. We decided that is what was best for us and our marriage.