I guess by MB standards, I'm somewhat of an old-timer...

I haven't posted in a while.

I was straightening up the other day, and I ran across my wedding ring. Stopped wearing it/keeping it on me late last year, got D'd in March this year.

I don't want it anymore, but the pawn shop and/or the garbage can certainly don't feel appropriate to me.

What do I do with this thing?

I have the great fortune (that's sarcasm, BTW) of having a night class with my XW for this semester, so I see her once a week. Yes, it's as fun as it sounds.....

I am very much inclined to just give back to her, in kind of an ashes to ashes, dust to dust kinda thing, even though I realize she's just gonna pitch it or take it to the pawn shop.....

Any harm in that?

Ethan

Do you have children you can keep it for? That's what I did with my rings. At the very least, I expect my daughter to want the diamonds when she is old enough.


Mrs. W8ing

No kids...

No diamonds, just a plain white gold band.

Just feel weird about ditching it...

How about melting it down and have a symbolic pendant made for yourself to wear on a chain. You could make something good out of the sad memories. Just a thought.

Mrs. W8ing

That idea actually has a little merit....

I don't know if I want to carry it around with me, though.

Then why not ceremoniously toss it from the highest cliff into a raging river? Or burry it under a tree or flush it down the toilet. Yes it seems like a waste, but you need closure or you wouldn't be struggling with what to do with it. Honestly, giving it back to her would almost be an in-your-face thing and not very nice because then SHE would struggle with what to do with it.

"Then why not ceremoniously toss it from the highest cliff into a raging river?"

I kinda like that... I live in Baton Rouge. I may have to take a visit to the mighty Mississippi one of these days. I don't think I can find a cliff around here.

There you go. Do something meaningful to you. I'm so sorry things ended this way, but you need closure. Hang in there furniture man. It does get better.

Mrs. W8ing

I wear my husbands wedding ring on my thumb.. I don't really want to let it go. It is sometimes a sad reminder for me, but it keeps the good memories alive for me.

Weird huh?

Perhaps a memorial, "letting go" ceremony of some kind just for yourself. Maybe write down the things that you valued in the marriage, and the things you now want to release (painful memories, infidelity, etc.) A goodbye letter to your ex-wife (not to be sent), and/or a hello letter to your new life. A favorite song...

Then bury, toss, the ring wherever....maybe the notes with it...or burn the notes to ashes...

I think that the "problem" with giving it back to your x is that you're not really letting go in some ways. You're still exchanging energy around the whole issue. IMHO

And if you're really not sure what to do with it right now....pack it up somewhere, deal with it at another time.

STBXW has mine, but if I had it, i would pawn it and buy something nice with it.

I like the idea of chucking into the water...I work near the water and the watch she gave me on our "wedding" day is in the drink, along with some other selected items.

It felt good heaving them out into the water.

Give it to someone you are angry or hold a resentment toward. My mentor always told me to do something nice for the person you resent and it always helps. In my case, it does. Make a necklace or something out of it and give it to your worst enemy for Christmas. LOL

I've actually become good friends with people I thought I wouldn't have that way!

May not be appropriate, you being a guy and all, but what my mom did after her divorce was to have her wedding band cut in two and reshaped into nice earrings. It was pretty symbolic to her to have it cut in two. She wears them quite a lot.

As for me, I hope I don't wind up in a place where I have to decide what to do with it. There's still hope.

2TearyEyes, I like your mentor's thinking. :-)

HI,
I think what I'm going to do with mine is... (It hurts me and makes me angy at the moment to look at it...) I'll bury it in my backyard... someday... when I'm SURE this is ALL behind me... I'll dig it up and remember how far I've come.....and how God heals all pain... then... I will re-bury it for another to find someday....might finally bring a smile to someone... someday......

The first time I just took it to the jewelers and told them to torch it. There's an 18K lump in a drawer somewhere that I occassionally run across. it's an appropriate reminder.

It SEEMS (I could be wrong) that the general consensus is to hang onto the rings in varying forms...I have to ask if that is healthy?

Me personally, I cannot fathom having any specific reminders of STBXW around. I can't get rid of EVERYTHING, but the things that REALLY reflect our failed M (wedding album, pics of her, wedding rings, special gifts from her)...I would just as soon purge my life of those reminders.

Maybe I am not healthy? Who knows?

WNB

I agree that it isn't healthy to keep any reminders out of a marriage that ended,especially involving an A.

I took almost everything that was related to my marriage,put it in a box and it's all in my cellar.Other things like my wedding cake top( destroyed in the garbage disposal) and a picture my WH made me in college( smashed it to bits) are long gone.I can't stand the thought of any reminders being in view either.

My rings are another story.I like the idea of tossing your ring in the water somewhere like a ceremony,almost like ashes from a deceased loved one.I love water and love to be near it.My WH tried to give me his wedding band one day and he was very emotional about it but at the time,I told him to throw it in the trash like he did our marriage.He then put it on his keychain but I don't think he does that anymore,who knows.

I have 3 rings to contemplate over.My wedding band,my diamond engagement ring and a diamond eternity band(10 year anniversary).If anything I could get a lot of money for them but I also don't know if I want to give them to my girls when they are older.The marriage was destroyed and the rings don't mean much now in terms of a long and happy marriage so the sentimentality isn't there anymore.So,I hold onto them until I feel in my heart one way or another.

I would go with tossing the rings in water and let nature have them.

O

It's been several weeks since I've been to MB. My WW filed for D about a month ago and we've been to our first court appearance about a week ago. I'm not sure how things are going to work out. If it doesn't (and I get to keep the house) I'm going to plant my ring under the globe willow that I got for her a couple of years ago.

Sharky

Were I you, I would sell them and put the money towards the kids...college fund, school clothes, etc.

There is no way I would ever want to keep the reminders of a failed marriage, especially if it ended because of cheating.

My STBXW has mine and I couldn't care less what she does with it...I am sure she'll hock it and buy something for one of her "boyfriends". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />