Don't even know where\how to begin....

Feels weird. I have never gone into a forum like this. But due to my situation, I feel it will help me somehow.
My EA began about 5 months ago. It was with someone I spent lots of time with at work. He is a MM. I am a MW.
Thing is.. for him it was mostly a physical attraction (at least it started that way) where as for me it was more emotional. As the time passed we got more and more involved.
It's sad to see how dependent you get with this whole situation. Instead of being in your home giving your all to H and family, you betray by welcoming OM in your thoughts. Can't explain what I am feeling. Things between us got pretty deep. So deep we agreed it had to stop. It has been 3 days since I have seen OM. We have had no contact. But the thing is I know I will see OM at some point soon being that we work in the same place. How do you go on..how do you ignore? There is no way that we can be friends. Is there? He insists that we CAN be friends.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I'm happy you found us, but sorry you had to come here.

Sadly, you can never be friends again with this man. In fact, you need to find another job, so that you won't even see him ever again. That is the only way your marriage will survive.

The chances of an affair based relationship going on to become successful are less than 3%, so I think you have made the right decision.

Have you let your husband know that you are unhappy in the marriage?

Hi tristeyo,

Sorry that you have found yourself to this forum... but it is an excellent source of information and support.

I am not an expert... just been over 3 months since D-Day and my W and I are just trying to find a way into recovery.

It is an awesome thing that you and the OM have seen the need to end your EA. If you've spent any time reading here, you will see the devastation and hurt that it can cause to both your family, OM's family as well as to OM and yourself. You are going down a road that is very wrong for everyone involved on so many levels... and I'm not just talking "wrong" in a spiritual or moral sense... but wrong in how it will affect you emotionally, physically,... everything about you will be affected.

If you have read here, you will also have seen that an A... either EA or PA is an addiction that drastic measures are required to withstand. Yes, every person is different, and maybe there are a very few percentage that can remain friends... but once the friendship has crossed into the realm of an A, it is always on dangerous ground.

The first step recommended is always NC (no contact). This is very important. If you are serious about keeping your family intact, then a serious decision about your job should be made. This is unfortunate and difficult, I am sure, but in my estimation, no job is more important than your family.

My W and I have left our church... the church she has been at her whole life and me for over 20 years. We feel re-building our lives together is important enough to make this choice.

My W didn't go NC immediately, and I saw the results as she continued to see OM for another 3 weeks after I found out... and after they both told me it was over. They couldn't stay away from each other. This happens all the time. If you continue to see OM on any level, the very real danger of the EA escalating and continuing is always there. Please don't believe that just because your A didn't become physical, that it is not serious... an EA is just as serious, and sometimes more fatal than a PA.

Others with more experience and advice will post to help you out.

Good luck and keep reading all about A's. Your M does have hope irregardless of the situation.

Shaden

No... you can't be friends...
...honestly!

Do read the first page of the following link...General Welcome.

If you do the reading...
...you'll see why there can be no friendship.
And you must make that completely clear to the OM (hopefully stb FOM).

NSR

Thanks for your replies. This is not an easy situation. I did not mention it before because it is by far the most difficult thing I have ever gone through in my life. But...this did end up in a PA. Only twice but it was enough to destroy me emotionally. I look at myself and think "What the he** are you doing and why"? It's like you mentioned.. an addiction. It's something that feels so good even though it's so wrong. I am going through what they call "withdrawal" and do not wish what I am feeling on no one. The only positive thing I can say is, it has made me look at my life in very different ways. Now, I want to better my life so I can be there for my 2 children. Which by the way are 4 and 7.

You're in the early stages...

I, the BS, started a bit too late on a good Plan A...
...and lost my W (now XW).

She left 6+ years ago (after an A... originally EA... then PA)

Just recently...
...after living (where the grass is greener)...
...she broke up with the OM (he cheated on her)!

If you think the OM won't cheat on you in the future...
...check out his track record... (with you now)!

You too..
...can do a Plan A.

NSR