Most of you know my story, its been a very bad 3 weeks with my wife and I. She now has a boyfriend but its not serious but still sees him. She just brought my daughter to see me in her halloween comstume.

My wife looks great <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> We are on good terms again after 3 weeks of pure ******, where I went a bit nuts and was put in a mental hospital for a few hours. I was ok. Just stress of all of this got to me. Our divorce will not be final untill feb.

Im not sure I ever want her back untill I see her. I see the love of my life, the mother of my kids, the woman I love being around. She is going thru this mid life crisis crap. The tattos, the belly rig, and everything else.

Most of you know she was molested at a young age, and she needs help she just wont go. Its killing me now. I thought I was done a few weeks ago but I see her and it just brings back everything I miss.

I tried plan b but i suck at it. Im a freaking mess right now. why do I still love her? Why do I still want her? and its not because I was used to her.

So im to that point where I just give up and let her go. I just wish I had no kids so I could move far far away.

Scott

I'm not sure what to tell you accept that it will get better. Maybe not tomorrow but in the near future. It hurts to read what you are going through because I was there not to long ago. I have a kid too and to see all that happen is heart wrenching.

Yeah, I lost it a couple times too. This site will help you understand a little better. Sounds like your WW is going through the same as mine.

The best thing I did was to start a plan B. As bad as it sounds, it helps to get her out of your head and all the [email]cr@p[/email] she is pulling. I got to a point that I was literally so pissed that I never wanted to see or hear from her again. To really enact a NC from her will help your sanity. My peace of mind is finally coming back to me.

I hope that helps a little. I'm not sure if my advice is the best but it's mine regardless. It has helped me a little in this mad world we have been put in.

It feels like you are on board a plane with a kamakaze pilot flying you somewhere and there is no way off the plane. Your not alone. Stay around these boards and it will help some.

Thanks for the reply, it just seems I breakdown everyday, if I talk to her or not. And what really sucks is I so want to be her friend, we have been together since she was 16 years old and I cant see myself not being her friend. Just right now its so damn fing hard.

I see now that the marriage was over before she had the affair and that she was ready to move on a while back. But im no where near that point yet and its just killing me. I miss her so much, I her jokes, her smile, her looing at me that way. Right now im so lonley.

I just dont see me having NC with her. That would kill my daughter. I just dont know what to do anymore. People tell me heck just get over it, how in the ****** are you just supposed to get over the woman you have loved for 21 years?

I completely understand how you feel.

I am not in an 'official' plan B, but I am not in contact with my STBX either. The difference for me is that I have just filed for divorce myself. I wasn't able to continue the MB way. I Plan A'd too long, and my love bank dried up completely.

My STBX hasn't shown any remorse for the pain he has caused myself and our two girls. After he left, he acted as if he'd made a minor lifestyle adjustment, like buying a new car, rather than shattering all our lives. He moved straight in with the OW and lost no time in presenting her as his new 'partner' to family and friends, as if I didn't exist any more.

It's seven months since D/Day today. Since I stopped all contact (just over two months ago) I have been feeling much, much better. The girls still see him, but I haven't spoken to him for weeks.

It's working good for me. Even if you are heading towards divorce (like me), removing yourself from the chaos of an affair is still a good idea. Perhaps you should try it?

Take care.

Alph.

I can remove myself to a point from the chaos, but I cant stop talking to my wife. I need to, I know that sounds weird but she is still my best friend. If I needed her in anyway right now I know she would be there for me in a second.

She still crazy tho. Mid life crisis crap, seeing other guys, getting the tattoos, the belly ring. Its all there. This is much more about her then it ever was about me being a bad husband. That I need to understand and its hard, my self asteam is so low now. I could of been the best husband in the world and I think this would of happend sometime.

She told me that she was never who she really was, she was who she thought I wanted her to be. Well that was not fair for me, she should of been who she really was and if i stayed I stayed if I did not like it i would of left.
So she lived a lie for 21 years just to make me happy and it ended up makeing her resent me, and that in turn made me ignore her.

She should of been herself and I still would of loved her it just would of been a much differnt marriage then it turned out to be. Because who she is now, I do still love, its the doing the other guys that kinda gets to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />