How long does it take to feel better?
Carving pumpkins brought my son to tears, which then brought me to tears.

Then tonight for trick or treat it just felt wrong and empty without him. I waited till the kids went to bed before I let the faucet pour...... I cant seem to fight the tears sometimes though.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are gonna send me to the psych ward.

What do you do?

I have NO family in this state except for him and his Dad & stepmom.

Oconfusion,
I am with you on this one. Last night was tough. STBXWW and I used to order pizza and sit out on the driveway and hand out candy every year that we lived in the house. It was somewhat of a social event in our neighborhood. All our other neighbors would do the same thing and we would all get to visit with one another. Kind of a special event in this "garage door goes up, garage door goes down" world we live in now. I didnt buy candy this year as I didnt want to do it alone. I just stayed inside and watched tv and read. It was sad though.
I cant imagine what Thanksgiving and Christmas will be like either. Dont even know if I can decorate this year. I will try and muster the strength to do it. Cant let her steal that joy too.

The Holidays are always more difficult to deal with during the first year. As each year goes by it does get easier and you tend to create a new tradition, which makes it easier because you are no longer just focusing on the old tradition that you shared with your EX or STBX.

Good point about new traditions. As a matter of fact, you have me thinking as to why I should wait a year to do that. Why not do something new and fun this year? After all, with the extra cash I will have from not buying STBXWW the litany of gifts that I normally did, I can afford to do something really cool for myself!

I have four children that I want to continue old traditions with,maybe adding in something new would help make things seem different and better ?

It just hurts so bad to see them missing him during those times.

I have asked him to join us for Thanksgiving, but I doubt he'll come.

ANybody had to share their kids for the holidays yet?

Even though my sons are grown it is still going to be a tough deal. I don't want them picking sides. I'm backing away so they can focus on her. She brought them into this world and mothers do have a special bond with sons. You need to do something special for yourself, and think about what will make each one of the kids feel they are uniquely special to you.

When you're planning what to do, the idea of something different for new traditions is good. In the past did the family rent or go see Holiday movies, plays, etc. Community plays may be doing Christmas Carol or something. Making and stringing popcorn to go on the tree while watching a movie as family may seem old and corny but different age groups get a kick out of it. Making each one's favorite holiday treat and maybe letting them help shows you care, and that they're special. Seems the more New traditions that you start and the less Old, may keep everyone from focusing too much on the change.

Depending on their ages, maybe some Pilgrim costuming for Thanksgiving dinner. Or reserve OneOnOne time to include each of the kids in preparation of one meal item. They will feel like they contributed to entire meal and should have something to talk about when it is served, besides who is not there.